Early questions

I am 40+ and was thrilled to find this community. I have been searching for some help and hopefully this will work. I read about people who have gone 90+ days without a PMO. I understand (from personal experience) how it can lead to PIED. My question is can I ever get back to a point where Fapping is ok again? I mean I read all the time how it can be healthy and should not be something to be ashamed of. I enjoy it (obviously) and I'm not ready to give it up. I just want to get my life back.

 

Don't get me wrong...I'd much rather have real sex. Sometimes a good fap is easier/quicker. It didn't used to be a problem. I could do both. Through the years, though, I'm sure I'm suffering from PIED.

Here is my biggest problem so far:
I once went 18 days without fapping. (Did some edging but no O) Then I had sex and it was better....a little better....
Then I went about 8-10 days (can't remember exactly) without fapping.... and I broke down and had a PMO....and It was the best wank I had since I was 15 (or so it seemed)...so now the longer I go without, all I think about is how much build up it is becoming and how awesome the next wank will be.
sorry if that is confusing...I hope it makes sense.

 

Oh I make no excuses about addiction. I know I am addicted and have accepted that. I was just giving an idea of my struggle. I was just curious to know if that specific example is common or not. I never knew an alcoholic or drug user who would purposely go without for a certain amount of time just to make the next drink/fix better.

Yesterday (right before I joined) was an example of this. I had gone seven days without (I usually average once a day so that was a long time for me) It was a good fap but I immediately felt the guilt and joined here. I should note, however, that I did not binge. It was just that one time...hopefully I can start another streak.