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I lost against life

Discussion in 'Loneliness' started by positivefunction, Aug 3, 2018.

  1. positivefunction

    positivefunction Fapstronaut

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    Hey guys,

    As i write this its about 12 am here. I'm sitting on my computer writing a post about my sad pathetic existence, while my roommate is looking into his phone and smiling as his pretty girlfriend replies to his messages.

    I don't know what to do anymore. No girl is interested in me, and no girl ever has been.

    I'm too ugly and stupid to be loved. I tried to fight this thinking I can change my life, but who was i kidding? Once a loser, always a loser, I guess.

    Tomorrow my roommate is going to bring his gf over and they'll probably have sex while I'll be sulking somewhere, waiting for death to lay his merciful hands on my sorry pathetic worthless existence.

    Thank you for reading, I hope none of you ever have a life like mine,
     
  2. DoeDew

    DoeDew Fapstronaut

    I know the feeling of feeling terrible, typing out all of the issues you have with yourself and in return feeling even more terrible.
    Seeing it all right in front of your eyes makes you ask yourself why you should even bother trying to keep on going, if everything is already lost.

    But it's not.
    A depression can be like a jigsaw puzzle. In your current state you sit before an empty canvas, thousands of pieces and a box showing the finished artwork. There are so many different pieces that you don't even know where to begin.
    But if you search the pile for the corner pieces, then advance on to the edge pieces and finally begin to assemble the rest of the puzzle, you will eventually solve it.
    It may look as if the sheer amount of issues you're having with yourself could never be solved, but if you start small you'll eventually reach your goal.

    Start with small things that you don't like about yourself.
    "You don't have to be the same as you were 5 minutes ago" - I've quoted this clever little advice from someone's signature here on NoFap (I just don't remember who).
    If you find yourself ugly, change your appearence.
    If you feel like you're living an unhealthy life, try doing workout or eating healthy food.
    If you feel alone, meet an old firend - talk to them about what you have done in the past or do something nostalgic with them.
    Eventually, you might even find the courage to open up about your issues to a close friend. Any advice can be helpful, but personal advice given by a close friend has immesurable value.

    As I said, don't try tackling everything at once. Pick one thing you would like to change about your life and do it at the first opportunity you get.

    If you need assistance with your NoFap journal, there are wonderful people to meet on this forum who would love to help you achieve your goals.

    We're all here for you and wish for you to live your life the happiest way possible :)
     
    Clerk373, ShowY, Sayonara and 5 others like this.
  3. positivefunction

    positivefunction Fapstronaut

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    Thank you so much for this.
    You have no idea how good I felt on reading that post

    I want to change my life. I really do. But I don't know how. I don't know what to change or how to do that without having to change my personality itself :(

    I will start exercising, let's see if that Makes it any better
     
    Sayonara, Strange10566 and DoeDew like this.
  4. I’m a 51yo loser. Still a virgin, no girlfriend, probably will never have one since my 40 years of struggling with porn has f’d up my mind so badly when it comes to interacting with women.

    But one thing I’m learning is that despite what the prospects look like we need to be positive and thankful for the good we do have. A positive personality attracts people. A negative personality drives people away.

    And lately I’ve been working on seeing the good I have in life and not so much about never having a girlfriend. I’m also trying to be encouraging to others and not be so down on myself or others.

    Maybe a nice woman will notice positive changes in me and condescend to giving me the time of day, maybe it won’t happen. But either way I’m happy for what I have right now.

    Hope that helps in some way!!!
     
  5. Starke

    Starke Fapstronaut

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  6. infidel

    infidel New Fapstronaut

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    Changing your life will be a complicated process, and it won't happen overnight, so you'll need patience and effort.

    Exercise is a very good idea, it will make you feel much better and more confident, you'll be healthier and have more energy! Also regular exercise helps to clear brain fog, so your mind will be much sharper.

    You also said you think you're ugly. Why is that? Think about why you feel that way and think of things that you can do to change that. Maybe a new haircut? A good hairdresser can help you choose a haircut that compliments your face shape.
    What about some new clothes? If you don't know what to get, I'm sure there are people who can help you. Even if you don't know anyone personally, I'm sure folks on /r/malefashionadvice can help you. Fresh wardrobe can be a fresh start.

    I hope this helped at least a little bit, and good luck :)
    Also if you need to talk about your problems, or just vent out all your frustrations, feel free to PM me. I'm myself struggling with depression and anxiety, so I think I can relate.
     
  7. positivefunction

    positivefunction Fapstronaut

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    If every other guy around me can magically land a girlfriend, there must be something wrong with me, right?

    That's why i think I'm too ugly and stupid. Not even ugly girls like me.

    I cant help myself, but I cant even make myself stop.

    Lol what a place to be in
     
  8. Jason_Tesla_19

    Jason_Tesla_19 Fapstronaut

    Most guys don't "magically land a girlfriend", unless they're the 0.1% that look like Brad Pitt and/or have a decent amount of money. Work on yourself, and learn to love and accept yourself, and let go of internalized guilt and shame over the past. You can't change the past, but consider what you would change, and use that as a guideline for what you should be doing now.
     
    Deleted Account and infidel like this.
  9. elevate

    elevate Fapstronaut

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    When you complain, you put the spotlight on the problem. And you wiggle out of taking responsibility for creating a solution.

    When you say "I can't do it", you automatically have a reason in your mind for why you "can't". When you have a reason for why you "can't", you let yourself off the hook.

    Instead of saying "can't" - say "don't". When you say - "I don't go to the gym" - you are accepting full responsibility for your choice not to. You are calling yourself out. You are acknowledging that you chose not to do it.

    The payoff of negative thinking is that you gain a sense of control. You predict that things will always be negative and you get to say "I knew this wouldn't workout. I knew life would suck. I knew things would go wrong. Why did I even try?" You don't earnestly work towards and open yourself up to the possibilities of something positive happening. You protect yourself from getting hurt emotionally by expecting that things won't work out for you. You don't bet on yourself and on your reality. How can you ever change anything if you don't believe that you can? When you keep expecting that things won't work out?

    Complaining and being a victim is a lot easier than developing your reality and taking full responsibility. Being negative can also feel good and comfortable. Especially when other people support you and give you attention. Which is almost like congratulating you for being a victim.
     
  10. zayneyboy

    zayneyboy Fapstronaut

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    Bro that feeling will pass don't think to deep into it.
    It will pass trust me I know.
    Try meditating, reading, exercising do something you like just keep doing something most likely something you like.
     
  11. EdsonSM82

    EdsonSM82 Fapstronaut

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    Bro I totally feel you thats why I am here right know lets talk lets show support to each other, sometimes we just need a little push to keep going hit me up bro
     
  12. set_me_free

    set_me_free Fapstronaut

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    Hey man, my 2 cents, this probably has more to do with your personality than looks. Sure, looks have a lot to do with the initial attraction between people, but I think most people can say that the main attraction between two people is deeper than that. I'm guessing you're not ugly. I think you should focus on having a positive outlook/attitude and there will be a girl who is attracted to that. PMO is a huge detractor from our confidence and social skills. Cut that out, start working out more, update the wardrobe, do whatever you need to do to improve your current life situation. Women are also attracted to success - no, I'm not saying you need an awesome high-paying job, but just find something you enjoy and do it well! For several years during and after college, I helped coach cross country and track at my high school. I'm not that great of a runner, but I enjoyed helping the team and being able to help the younger guys improve. Helping others is a great way to improve your own life and increase your self-worth.
     
  13. positivefunction

    positivefunction Fapstronaut

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    I started running recently too. Pretty good exercise.

    As for the helping others part, I think it makes sense. I'll start looking for places I can volunteer or something
     
  14. Man, you came on the right place. I have been there and all I can say to you is that, it'll pass. I have been there. I've became too focused on what do others have and what I don't. Take time to know yourself, what do you love doin, what makes you happy. I always thought it is all about going there at the "top". Having this and that. But they are just an illusion. It is about enjoying your stuff. It is about finding what you love, not finding what others are happy at.
     
  15. Uncomfortably Numb

    Uncomfortably Numb Fapstronaut

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    You describe yourself as 'ugly'... well know this; lots of ugly men have wives and girlfriends.
    However, not many men with sad, negative and depressing personalities have wives and girlfriends.
    But here's the good news; you can't really change your looks but you sure as hell can be positive and optimistic with a happy outlook...
    Try it my friend and even if you don't get the girls life will be a much happier proposition.
     
  16. positivefunction

    positivefunction Fapstronaut

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    Man, I want to be positive and happy. I really, really want to.

    But I feel like I'm missing out on a huge chunk of my life whenever I think about these things.
    And it makes it even worse when I see others doing these things so easily.
     
  17. DoeDew

    DoeDew Fapstronaut

    I hear you.
    It's not like you could just flip a switch and you suddenly think positive. It just isn't.
    For people who have not been in such a situation, it may be difficult to relate.

    Still, you have to stop wanting to change, to actually starting to change.
    This is the biggest hurdle you have to take.
    But once you've made it, you will be able to continue more easily and eventually begin to regain a positive thinking.

    I always found myself saying "I don't really want to do this now, maybe I'll start tomorrow or whatever", but I almost never actually did.
    At some point, with a little help from a friend, I said to myself: "you know you will keep procrastinating. You know you actually want to do this, so just do it" and I did.
    I started doing exercise, a week later I met an old friend, I went to the local woods just now which I hadn't done in ages and I stopped doing PMO until now.
     
    positivefunction likes this.
  18. Strange10566

    Strange10566 Fapstronaut

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    I know you hoped for that none of us has life like yours but sorry to disappoint you.
    I'm in the same boat as you,well my story is long and boring about how I got a back injury when I was 15 and then how friends who were always around me started ignoring me. I can't exercise,run or drive.i sit alone at my home daydreaming about my life in a different timeline in which I am a normal person doing normal things with friends . My job is to daydream for 8 to 10 hours a day about that life in other dimension that I will never live.it is a job without no salary.
    I agree with you on death part but I think like all the world even death has no mercy for me.
    If want to talk more I am always here, anytime all I had to do come out of imaginery life and talk to you.
     
  19. Strange10566

    Strange10566 Fapstronaut

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    Thank you for the essay.
    Hope it will change something in my life.
     
    Starke likes this.
  20. Strange10566

    Strange10566 Fapstronaut

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    But what for those who don't have physical capabilities to exercise. I'm one of those,have back injury for past 13 years.Cant go out with friends as a matter of fact don't have any friends.got any advice for me.
     

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