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I'm afraid of becoming misogynist

Discussion in 'Loneliness' started by pantuflasdecoco, Jul 5, 2018.

  1. pantuflasdecoco

    pantuflasdecoco Fapstronaut

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    I've always been someone with little to no friends at all, calling friend just someone whom I talk with. In primary school (up to 11 y/o) I had only male 'friends'. But since high school (more specifically since I was 14 y/o) I had almost exclusively female friends. I never really knew why. Growing up I used to (and I still) only approach and start talking to people I find interesting, and the case that was almost only women. That was a main reason I guess, but maybe it was also because it always felt 'safer' being with a woman, I don't know how to put it. The truth is that I also always failed to make a male friend even if I wanted to, so that contributed.

    Anyway, that was a little background.
    I'm afraid now of becoming someone who hates women (if misogynist isn't the right word here), I'm not sure where it comes from. I don't know if it's just resentment from failured relationships, but it's also because society became extremly obsessed with feminism and doesn't know talking about something else.

    Some things I think...
    - Wars are fought my men only (almost all)
    - Women are only oppresed and in disfavor of men in terms of sexual assault, sexualization and 'rape culture' if you want because I think it's kind of true, but
    - If a woman doesn't want to work and become independent she can depend on her husband and it's ok for everyone
    - If a man doesn't want to work it's unacceptable
    - If a woman commits suicide, it's a tragedy
    - If a man commits suicide, it's just another death
    But the thing I think the most is that emotionally men are the ones with in disfavor. For example
    - Men can fall in love with a depressed woman
    - No woman will approach (let alone fall in love with) a depressed man
    - If a woman doesn't make it with a guy, 'it just happens'
    - If a man doesn't make it with a woman, he's either a complete idiot or a fucking worthless piece of shit

    What do you think?

    I never been like this. I'm a little ashamed but not entirelly. I just came across some MGTOW post (which I never read about before) and really depressed me with some of these things. I'm afraid of even stoping viewing women as real human beings, and thinking the only real ones are men, so for example I don't see a problem anymore with Christian priests or Buddhist monks only being males (which I always found nonsense).
     
    Last edited: Jul 5, 2018
  2. Pink Zeppelin

    Pink Zeppelin Fapstronaut

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    I have the exact same feelings, good side of me says hating them will not fix anything but i can't stop it unfortunately.
     
  3. I had slipped into misogyny and I think it was a result of my porn addiction. It got to a point where in my mind I wanted to hurt them physically with the thought that they deserve it.

    It was when I started thinking about how I could stalk and rape a woman at the gym that I decided I needed to go to professional counseling.

    As I get away from porn my thoughts about women are changing for the better. I appreciate their differences and see that they can compliment a man when the two are in a good relationship.

    My mind is all “F’d” up from my 39+ years of heavy porn use. I probably will never have a girlfriend since I have zero idea of how to approach women, one of the consequences of my behavior and I have no one to blame but myself.

    I’ve been working on seeing women as more than tits and ass, an animal that wants to destroy all men, or a greedy creature that only interacts with men to get all their money.

    I think there are still good women out there that truly care about others and want to be good unselfish companions to a man.
     
    goodnice, FX-05 and Deleted Account like this.
  4. NoBrainer

    NoBrainer Distinguished Fapstronaut

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    Don't beat yourself up. These are all rational (and insightful) observations. It doesn't make you a misogynist.
     
    goodnice likes this.
  5. Bad_hombre

    Bad_hombre Fapstronaut

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    I also find it just reasonable insights. Think a little further and see how the jerks attract women, why do you think it happens? It is what it is if the majority of people are afraid to see that a huge percent of women are emotionally underdeveloped it is not your fault. I myself am tired of the double standard. Sometimes It also scares me a little the idea of being a misogynist, but I guess that it is the kind of fear that only a good person would feel. Look at the real jerks they don't give a damn about what people are going to say.
     
    FX-05 likes this.
  6. FPRA

    FPRA Fapstronaut

    Hey man! I think as you mentioned, I think feminism has turned you off a bit and porn tends to make us objectify women as well. From the reasons you noted, you don't really seem to have mysogeny, just resentment. I think that mysogeny (and where most of the problems in society) come from are men specifically thinking women are less than them. They think men are the only ones that matter and women can't and shouldn't be anything more than house pets and/or sexual objects. You obviously don't think this because as you stated that you find women interesting to talk to and have as friends.

    I think you are probably just a bit bitter twords women and just feel some anger twoards them which is natural after a few bad relationships.

    I would say that some of the stuff you mentioned, you probably can't see the other side. I don't really think some of the dating stuff you mentioned is really true and the war/sexual abuse stuff is just a natural result of men being more physically capeable. They have more opportunities to protect and to hurt people because of their power. There are many exceptions but each gender generally has it's own strengths and weeknesses.

    My suggestion would be to focus on quitting porn and take a break from relationships maybe? Definitely do what you can to get over the relationships and understand they just were not meant to be. I WOULD NOT suggest getting some sort of a rebound. Go out, take a hobby, spend some time learning about yourself. Things will start to clear up!
     
  7. Do you mean 'Some things I think women think'? Because if you don't it sounds like you hate men rather than hate women.
     
  8. pantuflasdecoco

    pantuflasdecoco Fapstronaut

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    With 'Some things I think' I just ment 'These are some of the thoughts I've been having recently'.
     
  9. Nil1991

    Nil1991 Fapstronaut

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    I agree with you, I think porn make guys more sexist, and here there are a lot of 'virgin' dudes, that seems blame girls about that.. Also is funny that some judge woman as good or bad, while they like hardcore porn. Those people should be study xD. I think that misogynist is all about blame, they want to blame women because of their misery fap life, but, who is behind the cameras, directing and selling the videos, men :D.
     
    Deleted Account likes this.
  10. I get the thing about being more comfortable around women than around men. I've had periods in the past where I've felt that way too. I don't think that's uncommon. I hear it a lot--and the inverse: women feeling more comfortable around men than around other women.

    I would question some of the statements you present as facts. Like, "If a man doesn't make it with a woman, he's either a complete idiot or a fucking worthless piece of shit." What are you basing that on? Is it the way that you've felt when your own personal relationships haven't worked out? Because I don't know anyone in my own life--male or female--who would say that about a failed relationship. None. Or, "If a man commits suicide, it's just another death." Where have you heard that? Also, "No woman will approach (let alone fall in love with) a depressed man." I know many, many depressed men who have been with women, myself being one of them.
     
    pantuflasdecoco and Nil1991 like this.
  11. pantuflasdecoco

    pantuflasdecoco Fapstronaut

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    I'm basing that just on hearing how people talk about other people in relationships. I feel almost none ever say the girl is in fault when a relationship ends, I feel like everyone almost always say it's the male fault. What I meant was not only that but that I feel like society always will treat the male as an idiot for not making things work with a woman, I feel that pressure. Sure it exists a pressure for both males and females for having a bf/gf, but it's like the woman it's always innocent no matter what for everybody. I'm not sure if this is a cultural difference between the US (are you from there?) and Latin America or just a subtle difference between social circles in any country.

    In this one I'm basing on just observing that a woman commiting suicide it's more likely to get viral spread through social media and the media than men, even though men are the majority of the people who commit suicide in Japan for example. It's also a statement based on feelings, I admit. I feel like people react more to women suicide cases than men's. Like everyone act like a woman's life is valuable no matter what and a man's life is disposable, no matter what. I read a sentence saying that in a MGTOW article and I got stuck with that: "Men are disposable". I'm afraid I'm falling into victimism in this way of thinking, but I can't help not ignoring these thoughts.

    This one is mostly speculation I admit. I've got no proofs, maybe just that I don't know any case like yours here yet.
     
    FX-05 likes this.
  12. These could be cultural differences, yes. I'm in the U.S., and I've never been to Latin America. Also, I don't doubt there are people who express things like what you're saying, even here in the U.S., but I myself don't associate with them. If you're around people who bring you down, I'd say ditch 'em and find friends who lift you up.

    As for myself, I definitely don't feel societal pressure to take sole responsibility--as a man--if a relationship ends. Also, I consume very little pop culture. I've noticed that movies, T.V., pop music, all tend to promote rather twisted value systems, not unlike some of the things you're describing. I find it's healthiest for myself to stay away from these. I notice that people who do consume lots of pop culture tend to absorb these types of values.
     
  13. Bad_hombre

    Bad_hombre Fapstronaut

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    Without irony, it sounds like you live on a different planet from mine. The thoughts of the fellow above might not be well formulated, but what I think that he captured was that society screws men as it screws women. Being seen as a potential rapist while just a tiny fraction of the population engages in that malevolent act is no joke, having people wanting you to be a "man" all the time is fricking maddening, finding a good partner when you are uncertain if you can trust those in your own family, living fearfully of being a "loser", all that crap that we are taught as we grow up countless times over and over and in the end comes someone entitled enough to say that the hopelessness is a creation of our mind and, as some fellow mentioned above, men are the real bad hombres is upsetting. At least say, It all might happen and we have to watch out for the bad ones, but there are great women out there. Yes, the wisest option is flipping the bird at the crap that we are told and walk out, but don't tell me that It is a fabrication of some poor minds.
     
    pantuflasdecoco likes this.
  14. Hmmm... it sounds like you're in a lot of pain, man. I hope you're able to work through that.
     
  15. You think ur becoming a mysogynst because you feel bad for not becoming friends with guys, so ur trying to compensate by being rude with women.

    You need to be able to do both. Just try to be friends with a guy step by step. Dont rush it because u feel bad about ur outlook towards the genders
     
  16. Bad_hombre

    Bad_hombre Fapstronaut

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    Sure I am and that is the point. Being a man is painful too. There are double standards against men too, but I will tell you something anyone who dares to look at this fucked up reality face to face and chooses to put his act together even with that early on will become a tough motherfucker instead of wondering what went wrong in life later.
     
  17. mack_blanta22

    mack_blanta22 Fapstronaut

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    For my point of view, do what you like to do, me i became anti-social u know i love to be at peace in my home and not spending my money on club and other non-sense bullshit, i try to learn how to live alone.
    There is something you have to know about 21th century female. They don't know what the fuck they want, so my solution is to focus on my purpose and reach my dream. That's why i join the nofap army and i get my shit together. So don't worry about being mysogyn, cause the feminist is what cause you belief. Feminist think men are sexist, mysogyn too but they sleep with man who treat her like shit and the shy/nice guys is the people who get dumped by woman.
    Clean up your mind, don't let these female tell you what you think cause at the end of the day you're gonna lose if you decide to listen to these female.
    "If a man doesn't make it with a woman, he's either a complete idiot or a fucking worthless piece of shit" see that's the big problem don't let that feminist bullshit control your life bro. You need to focus on your purpose, have a nice job, a nice car, and the women with high interest for you will come at you.
     
  18. Well, what you just pointed out are nothing but true situations!
    Don't worry about it. Its just how it goes. This is life, if you are a male, then you ll have a harder life ahead. Not that it doesn't apply to some women, but in general,men have the toughest things to deal with.
     
  19. Woodcutter74

    Woodcutter74 Fapstronaut

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    As I'm reading this, I would say that I had a lot of these feelings when I was your age but my perception has changed with time and experience. Do women's lives have more value than men? Yes, but not because we are disposable, but it has to do with procreation. A woman can give life, therefore her life has more value because she contributes to the survival of the species. As for a man, he has the capacity impregnate hundreds of women if he had the chance but cannot be pregnant.....

    Third wave feminism has become ridiculous and is not above criticism. There was a time it was justified because women were treated inferior, taking for granted, not being paid the same salary, etc. They have a right to be treated equally. But today, it is no more a question of equality, more a question of power. Are today's feminists pushing that 50% of the military be female or work dirty jobs like the ones in the sewers? No they are fighting to have the high positions with all the benefits. And most feminists are unattractive women in general or some that have been scorned by some asshole male in the past. Still feminism is not a reason to hate women.

    If your reason to join Men Going Their Own Way is because of failed relationships, it could have some positive benefits but I still suggest to be careful. Sometimes it is a good idea to be on your own for a while, especially if you had a bitter breakup. This could be a time to better yourself, find happiness and inner peace . But also remember that not all women are gold diggers, male bashing harpies, superficial sluts, nasty, lying and deceitful as the MGTOW movement would want us to believe. A lot of girls are nice girls and very loving, but got hurt by guys too in the past.So they don't deserved to be hated just because of many rotten apples that do not deserve our time, energy and attention

    Men's lives have value, but first they have to understand what it means to be a true man, learn about the art of manliness and the true nature of a man which we can be proud of, and which lots of women love.

    Hope this helps and if you have questions, feel free to ask.
     
    Last edited: Jul 25, 2018
  20. I think this is an outstanding response to the MGTOW movement.
     
    Woodcutter74 likes this.

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