1st Post - Getting Things Off My Chest

Hi All,

I am a new member of this great platform. I joined about a week ago but have started my reboot for a couple of weeks now.

The reason why I decided to stop porn and masturbation is that I realised that it was an escape route to dealing with my emotions.

I never really paid attention to how much I was doing it until this distinct moment 5 years ago. It is still so clear in my mind.

I was working in a retail store and the pressure of making sales and making enough money to get by got so intense that I felt unwell and went to the toilet. It was at that moment, after having masturbated that I felt relieved, but concerned...

I knew that it worked well to take the pressure off, but felt concerned that I did it in public toilets. I would had never done this in a million years being my normal self.

As the months went on, it became a strategy to do it every time I was stressed. Always leaving me feeling ashamed and disappointed in myself afterwards.

It became a daily routine, sometimes multiple times a day when things got challenging. At work, in public restrooms, anywhere I could lock the door.

Even being married to an amazing woman who kept me satisfied did not stop me from doing it when I became stressed, or anxious, or angry, or whatever feeling out of the norm..

What really got me thinking though wasn’t the fact that I used it to escape my feelings, it was the fact that I would enjoy it more than having sex with my own wife.

That was the turning point, the moment when it had to stop before it would attract worse behaviours.

It has now been a couple of week, which is not a huge amount of time. Needless to say that the temptation has been high at times. But what keeps me going is this little voice in my head saying: « Do not negotiate with yourself, stick to your decision »

I am proud of myself so far, it is the longest I have ever stayed off porn and masturbation for 10 years at least.

Knowing that a lot of you are on very similar journeys is inspiring and pushes me to set an example and give some hope and courage to whoever needs it.

There are times when it gets real difficult and am about to succumb to the temptation, but I won’t give up anymore. I’ve had enough of it, it’s time to show my real character and prove to myself that I can accomplish whatever I set my mind to.

If you ever need someone to share your journey with, or need a pep talk or need a chat to take your mind off of it, please reach out. I’ll be more than happy to help.

Wishing you all the best in your unique yet similar journeys.

Take care.