Close Call Today

This weekend was tough. I was home alone Friday and Saturday without any major plans besides schoolwork. I also found a way to temporarily bypass K9. Nofap was difficult yet I managed not to relapse. Last night I found porn clips on my laptop. I could've sworn I deleted them after my last relapse but there they were. I deleted them and emptied the recycle bin so the files are gone for good. Today I was on YouTube and I watched a video that was mildly triggering in one part. I'm addicted to YouTube but I usually do a good job of staying on the non-triggering side. I scrolled through the comments section and found out who the girl in the video was. I ventured into P-sub territory as I looked her up and saw more triggering images. Because I didn't want to relapse I closed out before any real damage could be done. I immediately went for a run and then took a cold shower to alleviate the urges. This was a minor slip-up and it's about time I take a sabbatical from YouTube. Despite all this I'm still impressed I endured this weekend without relapsing.

 

I've decided to stay away from YouTube until Friday. The funny thing is that it's easier to give up than porn; even though I've been addicted to it a lot longer than I have with porn. The YouTube addiction started as a replacement to my gaming addiction. I couldn't play video games until I did all my homework so I watched gaming videos on YouTube instead. My parents didn't approve of that either but it was easier to hide since the internet is constantly with us unlike a gaming console/desktop. The reason why it's easier for me to give up video games/YouTube is because they don't give the same high that PMO does. I don't want to give up YouTube entirely as there are some helpful videos there.