Handsome 27 y/o - still virgin, never had a GF

I can relate to what you’re saying. I was a virgin until the age of 24. Have only had sex twice and haven’t had a serious relationship yet.

Always been told I was handsome and good looking. Had girls that were attracted to me but I’d get so anxious that I wouldn’t make a move. I blew probably 4-5 opportunities, maybe more, to get laid or get a gf in college.

Thing is, is you just gotta try. As a man it’s your duty to move things forward. You need to approach.

You can’t expect women to make the first move. If you continue to do nothing about this then you’ll continue to be a virgin. These are just facts.

Another thing is, is that there’s really nothing to be afraid of. Say you go up to a girl that you’re attracted to and she says no. Nothing really happens. You’re in the same situation that you were in before you went up to her. If she’s accepting of you then awesome. You have nothing to lose and a whole lot to gain.

Also, I think that you flat out think too much. You’re intellectualizing this and you don’t have to. I am also someone who does this a lot and have learned to live with it. It’s just how I’m wired.

Guys who get laid a lot or don’t have much trouble getting a gf don’t think that much or at the very least don’t let their conscience get in the way. They just do it.

Basically what I’m trying to say is, if you want to get laid you need to put in the work. Period.

 

@PJT. We have something in common but in my problem it's like it's hard to take step forward, no matter in what kind of situation i'm. I often don't know how to act also but the main problem is my huge fear related to getting closer. I think it is sustained by a complete lack of experience. I've never made a real step, a real approach to a woman who could be my partner. If I have a good run, I'm preparing for it (more open towards others, meditating more, doing behavioral trainings, once gone to the date) and when I have a bad run, I just sit and complain. I have had some bad times lately.[/QUOTE]

Another thing you mentioned was how a girl you may or may not like actions of talking to someone else is bothering you. This is happening to me as well. There is this girl I work with, who I like. I believe she likes me too, but for some reason I can't make myself take the next step and just ask her to go out somewhere with me. In my mind, the purpose of asking her out is so she knows that I am going to try and kiss her. Now two things, 1. I probably would chicken out on kissing her and 2. The whole entire date would be me zoning in on this one aspect and not doing much to impress her. Nowadays, a new employee who works with us is starting to talk to her a little. I don't even believe this is flirting or anything, just general office banter and time wasting stuff, but it really really bothers me! I am sitting upstairs and I hear her talk to this guy for maybe 5 minutes and it's to the point where I can't do my work. The crazy thing is she will eventually come upstairs and we talk or I go downstairs and we talk and comparatively speaking she is spending a LOT more time talking to me. I just don't like how controlling I am getting. We aren't going out and even still, it's her life, I don't control her life. She should be able to talk to whoever she wants to whenever she wants to with my not having an opinion on it. It's to the point where I feel that I don't even deserve her. But at the same token this is probably the most closest relationship I had with anyone outside of a late cousin of mine. I tell her a lot, and she tells me a lot. In my mind there is something there but there is some invisible barrier stopping what mostly anyone in my shoes would try and do. It's very tough for me to understand.

 

You lose that girl in a way?
I mean, you're losing the possibility of getting along with that person. So yeah... I dont know.

How do you know where's time to move? You can keep trying the same girl even after rejection.

 

Girls come and go. This is normal.
But yes there is a bunch of guys that keep thinking about these "lost opportunities".
Basically you have to stop this thinking.

Some males are a lot less able to bind with women. Again it is normal. We are unequal. Only God makes us equal.
This is not a race even if you think you should be more interactive and to score more as a result.

First of all it is all about confidence. Man has to be confident of himself. Women instinctively find men with a better or even spectacular future.

That is why they like men that are into risky business/hot or are confident and consistent enough to look like a man with a future - not just another consumer.
Perhaps you will find some low-profile women that don't look at these things, perhaps other factors, but they are in minority.
Most of them will rather remain single and look for a better mate than mate just for the sake of mating.
Don't think that woman here is to sort you out. Before she prove herself helpful to you, you have to gain integrity all by yourself, alone.

I don't agree with "personality of a brick" term. I think people calling someone like that just live in a different pace, but I can call them as well "a brick in flight", but what is the difference it is still a brick to me.
People are not interactive because they are static or some because they are hot-headed. Even if hot-headed score more it is just good to them. I am not a fun of changing partners on monthly basis. And to me it is not just a matter of preference.

In terms of self-fulfilling prophecies and Ancient Greece. I can see a lot of different interesting explanations just to skip more than thousand years of Christian thought and knowledge in this topic.
Instead I see scientific ideologies blending with the pagan ones. Good luck with that!

 

Same story here, 27 yo virgin. The difference? Main difference? Is that I am not handsome and girls do not show any sign of interest.

You are just wasting your life lol. Continue to do that. Waste your youth. You will be 40 and remember every girl that could be your potential wife.

Btw, I don't have friends. I don't have FB friends. I just have a life I am trying to be happy with it. I don't care if I am a virgin or if I am ugly.
Girls don't like me? meh. Guess what. I am healthy as fuck and I have every tools to be happy.

 

You are right. I agree that most man find women.
The clever thing about women as God's creation is that even if there is plenty of them they create this reality where men think women are somehow scarce. You have to do something to get them.
With women it is definitely not a free meal or walk in the park thing.
Someone has said that a "a woman prefer to be a 3rd wife of a true man than 1st wife of a fool."
Of course fools also have wives, but then wives have all the cards turning them into obedient partners if not just drones. But I don't want to get into such relationship just to get a pussy. But yes there are mates that use this attitude, tactics. I would say a more common practice which is in response to women doing their careers and not so rarely earning more money.

I think the best thing to do is to grit your teeth and practice your patience.
Unfortunately pornography has turned many of us into maniacs who cannot wait if porn is two clicks of a mouse button away.

You have to be vigilant but even if you fall you have to stand up quickly, it hits you again recover immediately. Don't let your soul to lie belly-up for too long.
In terms of masturbation I think the goal is to at least decrease the frequency from daily to weekly and from weekly to monthly.
In the meantime if you find a woman please don't abuse her sexually. Also set some targets: quality not quantity.
Women can stand a lot, but if you overdo your relationship will break apart pretty soon.

If you can develop a spiritual relationship with her at the beginning then you both have chance otherwise you revolve to the exact same place you have started this journey in this vicious circle.
Everyone has its own mental strength, but nevertheless we are not stainless steel revolvers to ricochet for too many times. And every bad attempt leaves scars.
Girls, women can cry, will you too to purify your conscience?

 

WTFFF you guys are talking about

I just left this forum for 3 weeks and now Im reading the comments and this all seem like some overthinking talk about female psychology in general... damn

"a woman prefer to be a 3rd wife of a true man than 1st wife of a fool." - @AshBishop

Dafuck bro? Isnt it too dificult to acknowledge everyone's differences... I know sooo many couples and they dont put labels on them saying "jane married a fool" or "Edward's much more of a man to Miley's level"

This type of thinking dont lead people to good places, believe me.

 

wow, i on the same path

 

Just, don't give up man.
To be a man is not about losing, but it is about perseverance.
Regardless of other people experiences be in control of your own experience, just avoid sluts.

 

I was in your position too. I fucking hated myself, but a lot of girls liked me. Self-loathing is a motherfucker man. At one point I honestly couldn't see any girl actually wanting to have sex with me because I hated myself that much. You're just gonna have to take a chance man and trust me when I say you're an awesome person and you deserve to be with women. The next time you find out a girl likes you, no matter what you think of yourself, just go for it. You'll feel much better about yourself.

The first girl I was with came on to me strongly and, like you, I thought that there was no way in hell she liked me, even though she clearly thought I was, in her own words, "fine as hell." I have psoriasis, and I always thought that even if a girl liked me initially, once she saw it she would run for the hills. When I actually went for it and got alone with her, I was so scared. I told her about it and guess what? She didn't give a single fuck. At all. All those years of hating myself and when I finally got in the moment I find out that it doesn't matter. You have no idea how relieving that was man.

If a girl likes you and says you're cute, then she's obviously into you and wants you to make a move. I know it's hard, trust me, but if you just go for it I promise you it will end well and you'll be so happy that you did.

 

This is a subtle game. I am only interested in long lasting relationships.
For instance women gave up on me, because they quickly discover I am kind of out of control and I accept compromises with a difficulty.
There is a substantial population of women who seek men they can control and these men don't even realize. I don't want to be one of them.

I think people do label, because otherwise they would have very little to talk about and soap operas would not be so popular.
Of course there are exceptions, but in general people are selfish in relationships that is why they can stand only good times, but when shit hits the fan they split.

Answering danidanidani
Jesus has said: "Love your neighbor as yourself."
I think this explains a lot and if you think about it in reverse you are right.
If you do not respect yourself because of your own insecurity you will struggle to respect the others, to love them will be even harder. I agree with you.
Please do not mix "love yourself" with narcissism and as I use word "respect" instead. Start with that.
If you don't respect yourself and you jump straight to loving someone else it is going to be a mess.
It's going to be a shared excitement between two but you cannot call it a true love. This requires time, trials and patience.
If you expect your life to turn into rainbows and butterflies just like that your are deeply mistaken.
If both parties are not dedicated enough this is not going to last.

Most likely you're an introvert as I am and you wrongly expect some more excitement in your life, but there will be very little of it.
Some will tell you to leave your comfort zone, but they are mistaken, because your way to get what you want is very different and it can look like a round way.
So stay focused and stop imitating others, because this undermines any introvert more than anything else.
Also forget that you can fully understand a woman, it's impossible and I think this is another big challenge for an introvert who perceives a lot by his reason and thinks about every move too carefully.
This being is not something you can decode so change the frequency.
Introverts are good in talking or rather monologues, but most of women do not appreciate that, they expect some action or action after a good conversation.

 

Go back to basics. Instead of stressing out over girls learn how to communicate with people. You are over thinking everything. Socialising and interacting with people is supposed to be human nature. We let society, the media, the internet and our phones make us socially inept and awkward.

Check out some natural dating coaches. No pick up games.

YouTube this guy Stephan Erdman

 

I have never had a girlfriend too I can relate a lot to your personal report, but I must be a lot less shy. Well, I suspect that there must be somewhere in our brain where the thought that we are unworthy of love is instilled no matter what I say to myself or others when It comes to approaching girls I feel that I'm unfit to it as It is something that is not for a guy like myself. I've been through a self-discovery journey to purge the slime and I found out that It came from diverse bad experiences that I had in my childhood and adolescence. I suggest you do a similar experience. There's lots of shame and guilty involved in this kind of crap.

 

At first i allways thought its the guy who thinxs he is handsome who gets girls but its not its th guy who doesn't give a fuck met me explain. There are 3 type of guys:

• The ugly dude, or guy who thinxs isn't worth a woman has low self esteem and thinxs woman don't want him and he is hopeless.
• The handsome dude who thinxs he is good looking and wants approval of woman because he handsome if he doens't get it he feels shit
• Then there is the dude who doesn't give a shit who knows he has short commings and doesn't denny them and accepts the way he is and thinxs he is worthy of getting a woman and doesn't give a fuck about the approval of woman

You should be he i do'n't give a fuck. You are living way to up tide accept how you are and know that you are worthy of getting a lot of woman and that everything will be allright that if a woman will reject you she wasn't the right one and there are plenty of other woman that will like you.

in the book emotion intelligence FROM Daniel Goleman he writes HOPE is the feeling that everything will work out because you know you can do it or at least hope you can do it.

in his book he describes a swimmer matt biondi who didn't finished first didn't get golden medal and afterwarrds got gold because he was optimistist that it will succeed he had hope. Look up the book:
https://books.google.fr/books?id=Lq18kigs7m0C&pg=PA87&lpg=PA87&dq=emotional+intelligence+hope+swimmer&source=bl&ots=mht3P623Ko&sig=7CV5Njy6F36tXro7gnSlDIBxWds&hl=nl&sa=X&ved=2ahUKEwjXpd-jtabcAhVJxxoKHUrmDRMQ6AEwAHoECAIQAQ#v=onepage&q=emotional intelligence hope swimmer&f=false


There is a huge problem in thinxing there is only one true woman you will get up tide and start putting her on a pedestale wich results in her losing intrest.

You basically become more stressed out and give wrong signals. I am not saying you shouldn't have emotions for her no you should emotions for her and feel she is amazing but you should also except that if she rejects you or relationships stops that isn't the end of the world because they are enough woman who you can be happy her.

Just like in the movies risky business "you need to say WTF" You need to take risks you need to accept rejection and go for the rejection or acceptance. All the examples you gave are situation where you didn't make a mave you didn't as someone out didn't kiss and so on its because you care you thinx its way to important if you lose her but its not because every other time you meet a other girl.

You are not ready because you fear rejection.

Woman like good looks but thats not all they want a man who doesn't give a fuck who doesn't thinx she is the queen or a guy who is so stressed out doesn't do anything.

Best solution for this is to thinx there are plenty of fish in the sea and you will find someone else if this doesn't work out YOU HAVE HOPE(like Daniel Goleman describes)

Bassicly have a i don't care attitute

 

Hey man, I can relate. Super relate. Im quite an attractive dude (other peoples words). Yet i used to SUCKKKKKK with girls. You just gotta keep pushing yourself, doing new things, finding your purpose, APPROACHING, chatting shit and eventually it will become second nature.

Theres no quick fix, just the same as playing guitar takes alot of fkn sore fingers and shitty sounding guitar playing before you become a pro, dating is going to take a lot of rejection and a lot of looking like a dick before you can walk into a bar and take whatever girl you want.

If you need any help or motivation dont be afraid to reach out.