A Never Ending Circle

Hey everyone. I feel like this is the place where I can really discuss my feelings of loneliness. Unfortunately for me, this seems to be most common during the weekends - because, well, I am alone the most during that time.

During the week, the feeling of loneliness dissipates, because I work in a dense office building. I am surrounded by people, many of whom are my age (late 20s).

To give you some background, I am 29, and an only child. For much of my life, I have been pretty independent. I didn't need someone to depend on. If I wanted to do something alone, I just did it. It's very much the same way now. I live on my own, with my dog. To that respect, I like my privacy. I even took a trip to Europe alone.

My loneliness is in two place: friends & romantic relationships.

I used to have several groups of friends I was around in my early 20s and such. I later became involved in one main circle, but this was because of a very close friend of mine - and his girlfriend's friends and his work friends. I got to know most of them, but never really was super close to them. I only saw them on the weekends. During the week, they all kept in touch, but I was a bit of an outsider.

As time went on, many of these people have gotten engaged, married etc. Plus, my close friend of mine and I...we are no longer close. I think we have grown to not only be sick of each other's company - we just don't like each other and I see that my friend doesn't want to openly say it. I would have no issue there - but there would probably be a physical altercation if there was an actual discussion over this.

That aside. I recently moved back home with parents to save for a house - the expenses I have living on my own aren't easy and many of you can probably attest to that.

It's very bad on my ego and I feel as if I am completely worthless. I feel like it's so difficult to meet new people. Plus, I am a very quiet person at first. When I open up, I have a great sense of humor. Unfortunately, I've also been called an old soul, which is something I hate.

So this weekend, I was driving through the city and took my dog for a walk in the park. I saw a number of people my age with groups of friends, and people who were couples. I kept saying to myself, why isn't this me? Why can't I be like that?

I often feel like something is very wrong with me. I don't have the same interests as many others - at least that's how I feel anyway. I like reading and learning about topics that I find fascinating, rather than drinking my weekend away. Alcohol has become boring to me. Sure, I'll have a beer or two, but the thought of getting drunk just is not appealing to me anymore.

I used to work out, and I felt really good when I did. I think it helped my confidence and my body looked better. I'm naturally somewhat toned and it accentuated that look. Unfortunately, I haven't worked out in a year or so and I feel terrible - and I really am dreading the effort of starting over to get back into shape.

Romantically, I feel as if I am surrounded by people who are shallow and only value a hookup. Those I'm interested, aren't interested in me and those interested in me, I am not interested in.

Is something wrong with me?

What I have tried recently...I signed up for a social sports league in my city, and plan on attending some monthly meetups, because otherwise, I feel as if my life wasting away. I had a trip to Miami booked last month, but I caught food poisoning, which ruined that.

Anyway, if anyone has similar experiences, please let me know. I'm not sure what's wrong with me here. I think I'm just the problem.

 

you're not the problem sir. Also youre doing a very good job by trying to analyse both you and people around you. I would highly suggest starting a sport any support will do as long as you clear your mind and get relaxed afterwards. Martial arts are good in a way, for giving the feeling of "aliveness" because most of the time youre trying not to get hit in the first place . About girl stuff I think the same way, almost all the time. Seeing couples and dudes that are lower than the average scoring top girls, acting unmannered, filled with empty personas. I ask the question that youve ask. "Why it isnt me, that guy is no different than me maybe even lower." Also I cant stop relating to this line of yours, "those I'm interested, aren't interested in me and those interested in me, I am not interested in." this line relates me on a divine level. My guess to eliminate this would be focusing on yourself, doing stuff that you always wanted to do. Another thing would be the "appreciation effect". When you see something beautiful (maybe the sky, or city lights or a moment that makes you go "hmm this is nice") repeat the words "I appreciate this moment, I appreciate chances I have that some people dont." It helped me quite a lot, maybe it will turn some things for you too.
Best of luck but Im here not going anywhere. We can discuss pretty much everything on this thread.

 

Thanks so much for your insight. I used to practice Taekwondo years ago, but stopped. I'm looking to get into Muay Thai next. Seems like a great way to have some balanced striking.

 

would recommend it highly, art of 8 limbs is one of the best martial arts outta there!

 

You’re not alone in this. I’m almost 51, never married, no gf, no kids, and a bit awkward around women since I’ve spent so much time with porn.

I spend time socializing at work but after work I’m alone almost all the time.

It’s super hard to make friends. I’ve gone on group hikes, group bicycle rides, and volunteered at the library for a few months. People only want casual friendships.

I was seeing a nice woman I had met at work but she’s not interested in me as much as I am in her and that’s been tapering off.

It’s frustrating but the older I get the more I say “F-it”. There are benefits to being single. I don’t let it stop me from traveling, which is something I love to do.

 

Dude it could have been me who wrote that story. Im also 29, no gf (for years already now), and almost no friends.

My goal is to improve on career, then focussing on improving my social situation to a more fulfilling social life and and eventually meet a nice girl. But in my case i believe the focus should be on living right & improving career first, and after that i take a look at the other things.. i had to sort out my personal live (went vegan, this had a great positive effect on all areas of my life, maybe check Ralph Smart on youtube), gotten rid of my addictions, and now also want to get rid of the pmo addiction.

I wish you good luck, small steps into the right direction! If you can make of yourself a shining light, and put yourself out there, im sure one day you'll meet someone. That is the hope i also have for myself, it has been years since i have last been with a girl, but i try not to worry too much about it.. and just keep on improving myself and my life, even though im pretty alone and feeling lonely sometimes.. gotte get through it!

 

Thank you all for the support, it helps me think I’m not so alone!