Only want a girlfriend because I’m depressed?

It's like you just wrote what I feel

 

It's not codependency and it's not wrong. We are social animals, I see/know a myriad of people that get into relationships or keep on with bad relationships for the simple fact that they don't want to be alone. Granted, the latter part is not really healthy. There are only a few people out there that are delighted in solitude or don't get lonely. Still, you shouldn't expect that being in a relationship will magically solve all your inner problems, not to mention that you may find it very difficult at first (and not only at first) to be intimate and open.

 

Hey guys it's going to be ok. This same idea has been eating me up for over a year. Kman has the right idea. Yeah if u get a gf things are still going to be difficult. Rebooting is very difficult. But you're still worth it and still enough if u have a gf or not.

One thing that I try to do me is to focus on and help the people around me, rather than the ones who aren't.

 

are you on the 400++ streak bro?
dem im so nervous right now

 

That is amazing

 

The path of Nofap ultimately leads to knowing and liking yourself, so relationships are a bonus but not a crutch.

If you are feeling lonely and isolated it is just the next phase of this path, in which you are challenged not to escape from your self. Meditation or therapy is essential for this in my opinion. If the right relationship presents itself jump in, but don't go down the route of searching for it just to relieve pain. That will bring pleasure and relief , but not necessarily personal freedom.

 

Needing/wanting a girlfriend is ok and very natural, we all need someone. Just make sure you approach such a relationship with a clear picture of your position, Nofap journey, emotional/physical condition, etc so you don't get disappointed by unrealistic dreams. All the best.

 

Well u need to be careful of ur definition of happy. U might just be a personality type that really needs intimacy. And yes u might be somewhat co dependant but it might make u a good bf for some girl.

U need a higher purpose to offset this. This higher purpose can increase the chances of u having a woman by ur side so u get 2 for 1. Focus on something u love in life or something u always wanted to make. Write a book, draw, make a project whatever. Do something that gives ur life meaning and helps others as well. Do it like a master and do it publicly and proud. Women will come to u. And when they arent around no matter what u will ahve that discipline and passion and when they are around they will enrich ur life.

On days u dont feel like it and it sounds dull. Tell urself this is something that will make it much less likely i feel like this in the future and i have someone to share my life with. Sitting here moping with my feelings wont change anything

 

I just want to add that I go through similar thoughts. I know it's important to learn how to be happy by yourself, it's very important that you are aware of this and you have to be proud to acknowledge it. I think what Shinsso said is key, it's important to set goals. I know it's not always easy to remain positive, but it's important to keep trying and struggle on... some questions take a while to get answered.

 

Hi,
I have the same situation right here , I gone be honest i never had a girlfriend , and specially during the period of nofap , when i get attracted to a girl , i always have paranoia about my feeling toward this person , do i really love her ? or because you on nofap period and you get easily attracted to any girl you see. I don't know the feeling of real love and everytime this confuse me alot;
Cheers

 

As I always say (possibly quite harshly):

If you cannot even love yourself, how can you expect/demand others to love you?

 

Also. Try turning it around. Instead of you thinking how much it sucks that she will be with someone else, remember why you like / love her. Don't you want the people you love to be as happy as possible? Is it really love if you don't wish her the best, even if it's not with you?

I always come back to this when I feel distressed about love, or in doubt about what exactly I'm feeling:

 

You are so very welcome, friend. You should definitely explore "love without attachment" on youtube if you resonate with the video.

 

Well, what have you tried so far? How do you challenge yourself?

I would suggest that you don't want a girl if you're boring and depressed.
The only girl you'll attract in that state will be even worse off than you.

I'd work first on making new friends if you don't already have a fairly decent roster. They take far less time and effort than a gf does. Walk before you run.

 

You say you're depressed but are you really?

 

How do you know being in a relationship or some specific woman will make you happy?

If you want the benefits of something in life, you have to also want the costs.

People want a partner, a spouse. But you don’t end up attracting someone amazing without appreciating the emotional turbulence that comes with weathering rejections, building the sexual tension that never gets released, and staring blankly at a phone that never rings.

Everybody wants to have great sex and an awesome relationship — but not everyone is willing to go through the tough conversations, the awkward silences, the hurt feelings and the emotional psychodrama to get there.

The people that are successful in relationships are those that are comfortable with rejection and being vulnerable to getting hurt.

So do you really want it (both the positives and the negatives) or do you just enjoy wanting it (fantasizing about some ideal concept of it)?

It takes a lot more than just wanting the positives of a relationship to make it work. You have to be willing to learn how to handle the pain, problems, and negative experiences that go along with it.