How come I don’t feel like a grown up ?

Unfortunately, the older generation puts this idea in our heads. I understand how you feel. We think what makes us an adult is ownership, but that's not everything. We should be encouraged to make decisions at our own pace instead of theirs. You're sound like a capable adult to me. Don't sell yourself short because you don't have your own place. Emotional Intelligence is the biggest sign of maturity.

 

Fuck getting old!
Enjoy your youth!
Have fun!
Party hard!

Maturity will all of a sudden engulf you and you will envy young and carefree people.

 

Hey @Kman20 As one of the older generation (but not the douchey kind), I think that @Johnson DiMaggio gave you the perfect advice!

Believe me, if you believe the shit they sell you idea-wise these days about what you “should” do, you’re going to stress all the joy - and what makes you, you - out of your life.

I’m 50 dude, and I can still feel that way if I compare myself to others in my field. But ya know what? I make good bank, I’m happy and I’m sure af not living 80 hours per week at the office.

Listen to @Johnson DiMaggio man, he’s got it right. Stop comparing yourself to others and be you at your own pace.

 

I teach my kids maturity is learning from thier mistakes. Wisdom is learning from others' mistakes.

Maturity has more to do with responsibility and integrity. You want to be more mature? Do what you say you will do, think before you act, don't be a flake or make excuses.

@Kman20 it looks like you're mature to me, #1. You're asking the question, and #2. You're on noFap. How many others your age are already getting thier stuff together. That's very commendable.

O be wise

 

@Reverent YES!!!!

This is awesome advice!

@Kman20 I second everything Reverent said about you being mature.

 

You are most welcome, @Kman20! You’re a good man and deserve to live your version of life/happiness.

 

Depending on how long you used PMO, you may have emotionally held yourself back. Heavy addiction tends to freeze us in time, and we end up growing up the tough way...suddenly which doesn't really work. It takes time. You will be fine if I'm right or if I'm full of shit...of that I'm sure.
PMO is strong bad medicine. The movement to stop is the most inspiring thing I've seen. Alcohol was easy compared to this, and it was a bitch. It almost took me down. I can see a scenario where unchecked PMO could do the same. I can invision this leading to physical harm and or death in extreme cases. That and leading down paths we don't want to go but are drawn to. Stop looking at the P and it's power us gone.

 

I think @Reverent has some good points. I'd like to add a couple more.

Maturity has a very loose definition, especially the way you've presented it here. If we break it down there are lots of levels we can explore. A few examples to think about:
Physical maturity - Are you fully grown? How well do you look after your body?
Emotional maturity - How do you get on with others? Do you stop and recognise your own emotions?
Financial maturity - This is massively overlooked. A lot of people just aren't sensible with their money and don't make good decisions.
Mental maturity - How clearly do you think? How willing are you to take responsibility for yourself? How committed are you to improving yourself?

Those are but a few. The point is - whilst you may not feel mature in one area, you may be better in another. You can always better yourself and seeing as you're already asking the question (i.e. you're self-aware) I'd say you'll be just fine.

 

Hi Kman,

Without knowing you personally, all I can offer are some generalities. Your post does seem mature enough and you're asking the right questions.

In developmental psychology, there are a number of frameworks that describe the life path into adulthood. Psychosocial theories (Erikson's identity development is the most famous), moral development (see Kohlberg) and intellectual development (Perry is a good start). You could have a look at these. Be critically reflective/honest about yourself and see where you fit in to these frameworks.

However, I want to mention Robert Kegan's evolution of consciousness theory. He posits six life stages. A stage is characterised by what the individual can see and what they cannot see. For example, a fish cannot see water, and many people here (until joining this site) could not see the dangers of PM. A life element that can be seen is said to be in the 'objective'. The individual can think about that element separately from their own identity/self. Something that cannot be seen is in the 'subjective'; i.e. the individual is 'subject' to the influence of that element. The process of maturity, according to this framework, is the gradual moving of erstwhile subjective elements into the objective. The point is that once a new stage is reached (that is, many elements have entered the objective), the individual sees the world in a new light.

When an individual enters a higher stage, they often feel that they are young, reborn, new. Perhaps immature. They may feel silly not to have seen those subjective elements before. Now that these newly objective elements are obvious, the individual often supposes that everyone else must know about them, too. The person may feel inadequate, even though they may simultaneously experience the exhilaration of rebirth. The reality is often that the individual is projecting their new realisations onto others in absence of any evidence that the other people have changed at all.

So, in a nutshell, don't worry about what others are thinking. Just keep on questioning yourself. Open up those subjective influences on you through reflection. And good luck.

 

Thank you for sharing this, @Koriyama! I'm 50 year old and I sometimes feel immature. Based on the information provided in the second-to-last paragraph, it makes perfect sense! Right now, for instance, I can't believe I couldn't see it before. Thank you, again. Have a wonderful day!

 

Don't let what societys grip leech onto you. To me you seem fine as a 22 year old.

 

I have felt this way before:

I think it isn't the feeling of being grown up, but its the feeling of not being in the same "herd" as the people you consider to be grown up.

For example, if your definition of being grown up is having a good job, girlfriend, own house, and you don't have one or more of these things, you will naturally feel like you don't belong to that class of people.

 

You shouldn't compare yourself to others (which is a lot harder than it sounds).

Even Hollywood A-Listers can be depressed, alcoholics and drug addicts, you just wouldn't know it.

Compare yourself to the person you were yesterday and just be the best "you" today.

 

If I were you, I would start doing things that really fucking shakes you up.
Stuff that scares the shit out of you that you don't want to do, this is the times where you grow the most.
When I was 18 I was so tired of always doing what my parents told me and only going to school for satisfying them.
So I dropped out of High School, I packed my bag and travelled all over the world.
This was scary for me, but I did it out of instinct.

1. I just wanted to get away and to signal to my parents I didn't give a fuck
2. I had a deep desire to explore the world and just get the fuck outta my comfort zone.

Since I did that I have grown so-so much that my parents are actually proud of me today.
I have never been in a better shape or mindset before, and all this started out by me doing something uncomfortable, that I knew I had to do and which scared the fuck out of me.

I think you're lacking authenticity maybe?
Start listening to what you really want...
And don't think about jobs/money.
What would you REALLY do & be passionate about, if money was no object?

You have nothing to lose man.
People can travel all over the world for as much as 0 cents.
Make a plan and execute!

I believe in you!

 

Probably. Remove the definition of grown up from your head. That's the only awy.

I used to think a perfect life was one where I had lots of friends, a hot girlfriend, academic success, etc.

I have none of these things, but that doesn't mean my life is a waste or something