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Do I get rid of my porn collection?

Discussion in 'Porn Addiction' started by Denbert, May 25, 2018.

  1. ukbritishbloke

    ukbritishbloke Fapstronaut

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    I agree with Horenuker. I don't think there's one obvious answer for everyone. If you want to get rid of a collection, fine. I'm not against that. But as Horenuker says there is a risk that this gets you into a "purge-binge cycle" especially because porn's so easy to find on the internet. There's a good argument for just letting a collection gather virtual dust until you forget it's even there.
     
  2. Joe1023

    Joe1023 Fapstronaut

    So its kind of starting to sound like you're saying he should basically join an Amish community. It seems like you think that unless he holds onto some of his porn, as you're suggesting, he has no chance at all unless he gets rid of his computer. I got rid of every lustful matrerial I owned but kept my laptops and my smart phone, and I am at 100 days today. Getting rid of temptations can definitely mean that a person needs to get rid of any possible means of obtaining porn like a smart phone or laptop, but it doesn't have to go that far. In fact, it seems to me like the need for ciscumstances of that kind of extremity are probably pretty rare. Regardless of what he needs, you seem to be coming off (at least to me) as someone who is saying that unless things are done your way, it won't work.

    Just my two cents.
     
    RobbyGo36 likes this.
  3. Horenuker

    Horenuker Fapstronaut

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    Well pretty much every answer here comes across that way of my way or the highway.. this is what a person who asks for help on a forum gets.

    We are all porn addicts here, some worse then others. IN MY OPINION however, a maticulous porn collector is a much higher level addict then the streaming viewer. He takes limitless amounts of time collecting, organizing, and pairing down his specific tastes, very obsessive compulsive in nature. He may actually never look at most of it for months, but having that brief moment of guilt and clarity that makes him destroy everything completely ends up causing more extreme stress and panic then just simply leaving it alone or making it harder to get at in the first place

    As for thinking going Amish style is to far....possibly for some like ur success do not need that but for others who just threw away years of terabites in collected porn to still have acesss to millions of available porn through current tech means is no different
     
    Deleted Account likes this.
  4. ItsHim

    ItsHim Fapstronaut

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    Question: I dont own a collection of porn anymore, had to get rid of that when my ex stumbled across it. But i do still have photos of her that she sent me while we were dating on my phone. Where do i stand with this? Is it just as harmful?
     
  5. Regardless of how heavy or light a user a person is, the only way throwing out porn means anything is if the person commits to not using anymore of it.

    Otherwise whats the point? By keeping even a small amount of porn around, the person has already admitted defeat before they've begun: "I'll just keep these over here for when I eventually relapse" Thats all that is. If you doubt this assertion, just ask this person what were they using when they eventually relapsed? Was it one of these 'spare images'? This token change means nothing, because theres no real change being asked of this person here. Its a facade.

    A person who risks change and makes a commitment to change stands a chance. Thats because even if they relapse, they believe in themselves and the procsss enough to try again. The person who doesn't risk change never has the belief in themselves or the process to try the first time.

    I don't know what you're basing your argument around that 'obsessive' users have more traumatic relapses than everyone else. Even if this is true, and I don't believe it is-- so what? What is recovery, but overcoming trauma? This is like saying 'I can't start dealing with my addiction until the pain of my addiction no longer affects me'. It just doesn't work this way.
     
    Last edited: Jun 1, 2018
    Joe1023 and Deleted Account like this.
  6. What a great thread !

    After reading it all, clearly I too have to deleted it all. It's obvious.
    All that Horenuker says sounds logic, and I can relate a lot. I deleted my stash at least 3 or 4 times since I first became aware of my problem. And every time I went back to this obsessive compulsive drive to collect, classify, to find the best quality of image of to even embrace the idea of creating my own sort of "compilation" by editing the best parts... WHAT A WASTE OF TIME !!!

    Time is the most valuable thing we could even own.
    NOTHING is more valuable than your time.
    So yes it's hard to go cold turkey, but even with my experience of relapsing and "re-collecting" again and again, I can see now that I was "just" lacking the proper support. I was doing it all on my own, and every step was doubted and second-guessed.

    Here, we can ask those hard question and be sure we are on the right path.
    There is only one road to success. It may be clearer for some, but we all have to walk it.
     
    RobbyGo36 likes this.
  7. Joe1023

    Joe1023 Fapstronaut

    To me, it depends on what goes through your mind when you look at the picture. If it was me, I would seriously consider every possible thought that goes through my mind when I look at it. If there is any possible hint of temptation, then I would toss it. If it is simply a picture and reminder of a relationship I was once in and a lady who is now hopefully a friend and there's truly no harm (temptation) in looking at it, then I'd consider keeping it.
     
    Deleted Account likes this.
  8. Joe1023

    Joe1023 Fapstronaut

    I agree with you that meticulous porn collectors are higher level addicts, but I think that it is absolutely every bit as important for him (or her) to delete everything in that collection as the person who doesn't have much of a collection but struggles with porn. I believe that keeping any kind of porn within a porn addict's access is simply not a smart thing to do. This is nothing like a nicotine addiction. I've never thought that this is something that porn addicts should simply slow down with. I think that to be completely sexually sober (whether its from porn, affairs, prostitutes, or whatever) porn addicts need to make every effort to stop immediately and simply bypass slowing down first.

    And I rarely see advice or answers to questions on here come across as do it my way or you'll fail.
     
  9. I think it depends entirely on the "kind" of photo she sent you. If they're nudes, you can always crop them to keep only her face and the parts that are covered. But yeah, if you think they are triggering, then you should probably delete them.

    That's a tricky question though... I just deleted my stash today, but kept nudes of my wife. I really don't know if I should delete them or not... Very difficult indeed.
     
  10. I'm sorry i don't understand what you mean here. Are you saying cold turkey is the only way to go ?
    If so, yeah, you're pretty right !
     
  11. Recycling is good for the environment and saves trees and trees are way more important than porn :)
     
  12. Horenuker

    Horenuker Fapstronaut

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    Personally I have been and currently being treated for obsessive compulsive disorder, I have been legally committed to a drug treatment facility 2 different times (my last being 2013) both times being committed was it ever permitted by the heath care professionals to allow a hardcore addict to go “cold turkey” for a series of reasons and was given lower dose narcotics to allow the process of come down to successfully take hold. While for some, porn may appear on the surface to be less of a catastrophic addiction then drug users BUT YOU WOULD BE WRONG believing that!!

    Porn triggers the same exact pleasure center of the brain as a drug addict!

    Porn users go harder and harder into addictions to get the same high as drug users!

    As an addiction as a whole, porn addiction effects more people (both users and families of users) then drug and alcohol addiction combined and it typically goes on decades before treatment is sought out!!! However, due to both the denial of addiction and the social backlash at being labeled a porn/Sex addict it continues to be treated until after it’s escalated so far that it becomes a legal issue.

    In my SA meetings alone, the common themes in recovery have been

    -looking and collecting porn since they were kids.

    -there in group after years of trying to delete and go porn free and have failed so many times (I could not count the number of times someone has said they have thrown away or smashed their computers only to buy it all back and redownload material) that eventually either a family or legal event has triggered them to seek help beyond their control
     
  13. ukbritishbloke

    ukbritishbloke Fapstronaut

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    I don't think the answer is the same for all of us. If you think deleting will help you, fine. I'm not against it. But maybe those who've tried deleting but have then just built up a new collection should try, next time, just trying to leave and forget instead of deleting. For *some* of us, resisting visiting a collection we know is there may be easier than resisting rebuilding a collection we know has gone.
     
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  14. Yes, I fear that you are right, because it fits my experience. My previous attempts always resolve into franticly rebuilding a new collection. But I'm willing to bet that I was especially lacking support. I am willing to believe that by logging my journal daily (pleonasm, I know...) and seeking help here I will be "strong enough" to not rebuild a collection, or at least stop will doing it and talking about it on the forum.

    I'd like to think it would be "easier" to resist going on the internet and finding the "proper video" than to open videos from my collection. Looking into a collection is easy, it's accessible. But when I search online, there is the act of actually searching, tipping the words, etc. It triggers the consciousness.

    It's all theoretical I realize, I'm just trying my best to best this fucking addiction, and I'm willing to blindly delete this collection. I know it took me a long time to build, a lot of effort, of searching. It took a lot of time and energy, but I can only see that as wasted time. It's not time and energy spend on accumulating the "best stuff to relapse to", I am was convincing myself it was, it's time and energy wasted, I'm never gonna get them back.
    Better to delete it all, to burn it all and never look back, than to "let it gather dust" and forgetting all about it. Because there is no forgetting it, and I know I will be taken into a false sense of nostalgia someday soon and I'll want to see again that particular scene, that particular actress, hear that particular sound... NO ! I have to be determined and not go back. It's a statement, it's a resolve I have to make.

    As you say, it may be "easier" to let it gather dust than to delete it, but easy is not what we are going for, here. It's not called "hard mode" for nothing.
    I "love" all my collections, in a twisted way. I put a lot of myself into building it. But it's not about feeling sorry for yourself or try to find a easy way out. The only way out is the hardest one.

    As they say, it's like in the video games : if they are no enemies on your path, no difficulty, then you're going the wrong way.
     
  15. ukbritishbloke

    ukbritishbloke Fapstronaut

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    I disagree. Both are equally good if you *never look back*. Both are equally bad if you look back or rebuild. Each person has to judge for themselves whether deleting (which may risk a purge/binge cycle) or "gathering dust" (which may risk an easier relapse) is the better choice for them.

    What we're going for here is *successful*. "This seems harder in the immediate moment therefore it will definitely be more successful than any alternative" is not a great assumption.

    Some people will succeed better by deleting all porn collections and accounts they have. Maybe most people. I back them. I'm not against deleting.

    But we're not all the same, and for some people (especially those who know they've gone through purge/binge cycles already) letting things gather dust may work better. It is *not* a weaker, softer or easier option. We should not be telling everyone they're weak or failing if they calculate that'll work better for them. We may be undermining their reboot.

    If people on here keep trying to say there's only one true way, I'm gonna keep pushing back.
     
    Deleted Account likes this.
  16. You put the finger onto something here. I know it's not all black and white, and I know they are as many levels of subtlety for they are members of this forum.
    I know I'm trying my best to be determined, and especially to act, to "do something" against the addiction. For me, delete my collection makes me feel... nothing. And that's a difficult statement to make. Either I don't care, which I don't believe, either I'm recovering faster than I though, which I don't believe, either the addiction made me more emotionally detached than I thought, and that may be true. That may be a question for another place.

    Well that's not exactly true, it was a very hard thing to do, and it felt liberating. But now, I just don't feel "that" different.

    I know I can seem categorical, and I can see I'm not the only one. I can only speak for myself, that's for sure.
    I let my collection gather dust for a month, and did not relapse. I know that every-time I deleted my collection I relapsed into a binge of watching and collecting again. I also know I felt extremely alone at that specific moment. I know that if that happen again I'll have all of you that I can talk to. I know that this global support group is the best help I could dream of and I'm proud to be a part of it. I know that I relapsed because I had no support and no way to cope with this great feeling of loss.

    I'm not "pro-deleting" or "against-deleting" and I can see that you are not either. You're right, I and others should not be that categorical. I guess it's a byproduct of wanting to get out of it that push us to seek radical action and great demonstration of willpower. I know I do. Want you say feels wise, and I'm not willing to undermine anyone's reboot, and I'm truly sorry if I did.

    For me, at least, I know that I'm sensible to this deletes. I know it a triggering point, a potential relapse or binge point and I trying my best to stay aware about it. I can only speak for myself, maybe a little bit too strongly perhaps. I needed a grandiose action again PMO and I feel it's a necessary step, for me, to get rid of it all.

    These levels of subtlety are hard to apprehend because "This seems harder in the immediate moment therefore it will definitely be more successful than any alternative" feels like a great assumption and a great way of looking at one's recovery. You questioning that is a big question mark for me.

    And I certainly don't want to call anyone "weak" or "soft". I suffered enough from that myself. I just got the recurring sensation that "the hardest hard mode is the only true way to go" around here, and it certainly feels like a great challenge to embrace.

    I'm not at ease with subtlety but I'm willing to learn.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Jun 4, 2018

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