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Just turned 30. No girlfriend and still a virgin. But on the other hand...

Discussion in 'Loneliness' started by Namekian23, May 23, 2018.

  1. Namekian23

    Namekian23 Fapstronaut

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    Turning 30 can be a huge milestone in later adulthood. In some cases, the age indicates that one already has a full time job, a wife and kids, a house, and so on. At least that’s the most ideal time to have all of this right? For me, however, being 30 is just another number and the beginning of a new life. In my earlier years, my life regarding women and relationships were horrible. But now, I’m going to change all of that along with every other negative aspect outside of it.

    But to start off, I remember growing up as the oldest son in an Asian family. My parents were highly religious; especially my dad and both my parents valued the traditional and cultural ways of life. Furthermore, I’ve dealt with a lot of pressure being the best son, getting good grades, and so on. They also preferred me to have an Asian Buddhist wife, but apparently it was very difficult to find one in a place with so little diversity. Not only that, I also had a mental illness growing up, so that didn’t help much.

    Because of this constant pressure, porn was my only escape. I watched this filth nearly every day because of the amount of stress I was going through. At the same time, I desperately needed a girlfriend to help me sooth the pain. But every time I tried getting one, something would always go wrong. Usually I would get rejected; other times the relationship started out well, but then ended up in a disaster. During that process, I had my heart broken more times than I could count. These awful experiences even drove me to the point of suicide once, which is something that no one should ever go through.

    However, now that I’m 30 years old, I’m finally letting go at the thought of being with a woman, because I have more important things going on in my life right now. Deep down, I know that there is someone out there that will love and take care of me, but rather than chasing every woman and getting my heart broken over and over, I’m finally deciding to let her find me. I’ve also realized that the only person in the world that can love yourself more than anyone else is you. Ever since I’ve discovered this truth, I’ve been more focused on myself than ever.

    And as of now, I finally have a full time job, a car, a college degree, and almost enough money to move out and find my own independence far away from home. I’m traveling hundreds of miles in fact. It’s one of the long term goals I’ve been working on for the last few years. Even my friends and family have supported me in my decision. At the same time, I’ve found a passion in horticultural technology, plants, and trees. And in a few years, I plan on making a career out of this. Most important of all, however, I’m also planning to do everything I can to finally quit my porn addiction. It’s one of the reasons why my life is stuck like this. So to all of you Fapstronauts out there, I have one thing to say to you: Please focus on yourself…

    I’ve noticed that most of the time, the best relationships happen when it’s unexpected. Under good circumstances, you’re mainly focused on yourself, your goals, and your dreams. You must find a passion and stick with it, or something that makes you happy and peaceful. When this happens, you will meet someone with the same mindset. So learn to enjoy life the best way you can, and love will find you. Not the other way around.

    It took me 30 years to discover my own truth, but for you, you may have more time than I do, and also enough time to finally take action. Most surprisingly, not many would think that I was always like this. Before, I hated my own life because of my situation with women and among other things. I took everything for granted, was angry at myself, and I failed to realize that I had more than what most people had. At one point, I didn’t care if I wanted to live! So as you can see, there are people who have gone through worse experiences than you.

    So my final message to all of you is this: Learn to be happy with who you are, and also learn to love yourself before you love anyone else. Be proud of your virginity; it just means that you haven’t been tainted by the sexual corruption that this society has supposedly bestowed on you. And I mean everything from the negative concept of getting laid, being a virgin as well as a loser, and so on. It’s all bullshit, so do not get trapped in this type of mindset or you’ll regret it like I did. Other than that, I hope that all of you will take my message seriously. I wish you the best and good luck with everything.
     
  2. Thank you, I really needed this. I just relapsed yesterday, and I am happy I found your story for a bit of guidance.
     
  3. Karimtolstoi

    Karimtolstoi Fapstronaut

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    Thanx for your inspiring message. Actually, I should prepare myself for my thirties if I will have to live more. Your ideas are helpful. Thank you again.
     
  4. u376

    u376 Fapstronaut

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    very inspiring sir
    and may god soon bless you with a gorgeous woman
     
  5. Namekian23

    Namekian23 Fapstronaut

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    I'm glad that I was able to share my story with you and others :)
     
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  6. Namekian23

    Namekian23 Fapstronaut

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    Not a problem. One of the things I noticed about this forum is that there isn't enough motivation going around. However, I'm willing to do my best to help others in need. It's not easy, for either me or you, and at least we can try to help each other out.
     
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  7. Namekian23

    Namekian23 Fapstronaut

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    You're very welcome. Remember you're still young and you have all the time in the world, so don't rush it and take slow and steady. On the other hand, everyone needs advice and guidance sooner or later. I'm glad I did just that.
     
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  8. Namekian23

    Namekian23 Fapstronaut

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    Thank you very much for your kind words and I wish you the same as well.
     
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  9. Carnage Unspecified

    Carnage Unspecified Fapstronaut

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    very great story and inspiration!
    I'm 22, although not a virgin i dont have a job, or a drivers license and i still live with my parents.
    stuff all my friends have & doesn't anymore. which can make me feel like im ''behind'' and make me uncertain of the future, BUT i know that theres no ''behind'' or ''ahead'' in life, and im finally happy (most of the time) being without a partner.
    i am dealing with some mental illness right now, but overall my life is great. i dont have many friends left and so forth, but i have my family, the best friends available, god & a bit more self worth with time.. :) !!
     
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  10. determined488

    determined488 Fapstronaut

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    I'll be 21 years old in 3 months, I still live with my parents, looking for a job and still a virgin. I tried writing down the aspects of which I still enjoy about my life, but I feel like I'm on the brink of sanity and can't cope. I have 9 times where I've been rejected sexually and in relationships. I feel so worthless and down, I feel like I'm out of breath and want to just die. I'm not suicidal but its just so much frustration at myself for not being where I want to be. (Income, Apartment, Car etc.) I really don't know what to do, and I feel like giving up. I'm glad you posted this but I need to get out of my own head and back to reality.

    I have my health and thats pretty much it. I need more money to move out of here, I need to find happiness because this is really not good for my mind. I'm getting sick just thinking about it. And lastly I don't know if I'll ever find love. Every girl I've ever dated has cheated on me and had sex with another guy. I feel like I'll never find a woman that will love me for me. Please tell me there is still hope for my situation.
     
    Namekian23 likes this.
  11. u376

    u376 Fapstronaut

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    That's the harsh reality of this world my friend
    But I think quitting pmo will sure improve this situation
     
  12. determined488

    determined488 Fapstronaut

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    Oh and I forgot to mention I am addicted to P, I make lame excuses to just go PMO, its literally me robbing my body of its nourishing nutrients, instead I'm slowly killing away my life juice to something so unnatural and artificial. I relapsed again and feel like there has to be a way to keep myself away from PMO, maybe enlightenment (I'm not religious) or something of the sort can help me keep out the habit.
     
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  13. u376

    u376 Fapstronaut

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    Keep trying
    You will sure make long streaks like me
     
  14. Zerakazul

    Zerakazul Fapstronaut

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    I thought up of this lil list that could help (at least in my case I can compare it to these)

    -Rubbing it is like getting punched, seeking the temptation in your mind is also like getting punched. The kind of punch that makes you go blank for a split second.

    -Relapsing is like getting tased, when I relapse i'm not thinking about or caring about much afterward.

    whenever I have a difficult time I think "would I do these things to myself?" and then its less tempting.

    Then make a rule about NoFap and turn away from any chance of relapsing and log on here and read anything about anti fap.
     
  15. Bijuu107

    Bijuu107 Fapstronaut

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  16. Bijuu107

    Bijuu107 Fapstronaut

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    ups missclicked :D
    Namekian23 thank you for your wisdom!
    I,m trying to find inner piece so it,s nice to hear something like that.

    I wish you much happyness.
     
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  17. determined488

    determined488 Fapstronaut

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    I will do my best, managed to M without P today, so even though it sounds pathetic, I'm making progress because I can still get up without P. I will do my best to refrain from MO as best I can, and get out the house and open my room door to prevent myself from accessing PMO altogether. Thank you for your support
     
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  18. John Lee Smith

    John Lee Smith Fapstronaut

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    Find pet, and your life will be perfect.
     
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  19. boxer713

    boxer713 Fapstronaut

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    Thanks for sharing your story with us dude. I'm glad to see that your thinking so positive and are in good spirits my friend. No ones story is perfect. You seem to have your life in order man. From what I've learned about life is that, we need to master our selves. Theres a great saying,"A man who conquers himself is greater than one who conquers a thousand men in battle." I totally believe this quote. When one masters himself, everything an individual wants, will be at their disposal. Giving up porn and fapping for a long time was one of my hardest goals ever. The benefits I reaped on a long streak is indescribable. Some of the feeling i think you experienced was because you were probably fapping. When i was fapping and dating girls, when things went bad, i think the depression was intensified them. I thought so negatively about everything which kind of trapped my mind into depression. Once i began disciplining myself, whether it was changing my diet to eat more heathy, cold showers, exercising and reading self improvement books and etc. I began looking at life different. Not only was i looking at life different, life just felt different on a whole scale. I began to understand myself more and i understood how i felt about things. What was hurting to me before, as that i would have all these negative feelings, but couldn't fully understand why i felt the way i felt. Keep improving your self though man, things will fall into place at the right time. :)
     
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