120 long days ahead

Hi I'm new here but I relate to a lot of you. I have a problem but I think I'm on the right track to recovery I'm at a week tomorrow of no fapping.

I started at 12/13yrs old watching those late night call sex lines commercials then slowly moved to porn I think the worst decision I have ever made in my life. It was fun at the time but now it's turned into a damn craving and has ruined my sex life. I lost my virginity around my nineteenth bday (at least I think I did) with a girl I loved but because I've been masturbating since I was 12/13yrs old almost everyday I barely preformed. Erections didn't last more than 5mins and they would come few and far between. Needless to say we broke up. I want to say it wasn't for that reason but deep down I knew it was. Ever since then I've had no luck with the ladies. Relationships off and on never leading to sex because I was scared I wouldn't perform.

Fast forward to present day I still struggled with my addition. Had a fantasy of mine come true with an older woman. She was 33 and I was 24 not a big difference but still played into my fantasy well lol. We got to know each other really quick and moved to the bedroom even quicker but of course history would repeat itself. I maintained erections slightly longer only because I was thinking of porn. It was soo embarrassing but she didn't make it uncomfortable but I still knew why it happened. To be honest I hate myself even more now that I understood why this was happening.

So to sum it all up: I had sex twice and I'm currently 25 both times were complete embarrassments and utter disasters on my part.

Lost out on long lasting relationships due to ED scaring me into avoiding them.

Have and addiction to porn.

And no social life.

I'm so sick and tired hearing other people talk about how they had sex with their friends/randoms/partners and lasted all night and I'm just listening in the background with my hand between my legs with no input.

I want to be able to over come this addiction and move forward with my life enjoy it while I'm still young. And have a long lasting relationship without fear.

It's a long road ahead but I'm ready for change with the help of you all and the nofap organization i feel that I can overcome this.

 

Thank you. I will do some research and set some goals for myself. Staying positive helps. And I do plan on Joining the gym hopefully that helps too. Thanks again

Kind regards.