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AN EASY BUT COSTLY WAY TO QUIT

Discussion in 'Success Stories' started by Sharing The Truth, May 19, 2018.

  1. Sharing The Truth

    Sharing The Truth New Fapstronaut

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    I first discovered porn when I was 10 years old. It gave me that shock and thrill that I’m sure many people on this site are familiar with. It was a little disturbing to me, I can vividly remember sitting at my kitchen table eating breakfast with my parents in silence, the images painfully burned into my mind. But of course, I wanted to watch more, looking to experience the rush again and again. I watched porn almost every day for five years until one day, an important week came. It was spring break of my sophomore year and I somehow found myself on a website regarding Porn addiction and the negative effects of using pornography as a whole. “Oh” I thought. “well I’m obviously not addicted, if its bad I guess I’ll just stop.”

    But I didn’t. I couldn’t. It was really upsetting for me, trying so hard to escape something but always getting dragged back in. I was a kid, I had never been addicted to anything before and I barely even understood it. Who would I tell about something so… embarrassing? All I knew was that I wanted to stop, and I couldn’t, which felt awful.

    Fast forward to junior year, the first time I was in an intimate situation with a girl. I was really excited to finally experience the real thing, I’d heard it was incredible. But oh, I can’t get an erection with her. She was a good-looking girl whom I found very attractive, but my brain was so fucked up by the porn. All those years of programing my brain to be turned on by hardcore images on a screen left me with no room for real world arousal.

    Time went on and, as is the nature of porn addiction, my tastes developed into grotesque, often violent, increasingly graphic videos. I will spare you specifics, but it was as fucked up as legal porn gets. I would finish up and stare at the video, hating that I was turned on by it, and hating myself. I had a few more high-school incidents with real girls, continuing to show no improvement in performance. But there are few things stronger than a teenage boy’s sex drive, so I just kept on habitually consuming the hard stuff I was on.

    It was the end of senior year, at that point I was severely depressed and extremely overweight. I was exhausted from trying and failing to quit for three long years. I drifted apathetically through my guilt-ridden, shameful life, wishing for some kind of resource to aid a recovery. Everyday I woke up sad, and every night I cheered myself up the only way I knew how.

    When I got to college I actually managed to abstain for a full month, until relapsing alone in my dorm room. I was happier now and didn’t hate myself nearly as much, I even started dating a nice girl I met at a climbing wall. I loved that girl, and the first time we had sex… When I took her virginity… I hid my phone and watched hardcore porn the whole way through. Just to stay erect. She never found out but the next day I swear I’ve never felt so terrible, it was the most shameful, disgusting thing I had ever done, and I sincerely wanted to die. I broke up with her the next day because I knew there was no way for me to be in a real-life relationship. I remember seeing her crying face and only thinking of what a terrible person I was and how much I despised myself.

    In the end it wasn’t superhuman will or a radical life change that dragged me from the darkness of addiction into the light freedom. I owe my final quitting to one simple sacrifice. After so long of being open to anything, and I mean literally anything, to break my life-ruining addiction, I made a choice. I intentionally and specifically replaced my addiction to porn with the drug nicotine. Whenever I felt like watching porn, I’d have a smoke instead. Does smoking kill? Yes. Does using it as a crutch increase chances of addiction? Absolutely. But I will tell you right now that my hypothesis of it being significantly less impactful on my wellbeing than porn was absolutely correct. I’m porn free since January and nothing has ever been more worth it.

    The porn industry is truly evil, and they don’t give a shit about stealing lives away like they did mine. I was a fucking ten-year-old kid when they first started weaving their gritty ropes around me. They hollowed out that curious boy and pumped him full of pain and shame. Nobody should have to go to the lengths I did to recover but everyone deserves a chance at rehabilitation. Last night I hooked up with a girl and I was able to perform successfully. And honestly, I’m sitting here at my laptop, tears rolling down my face as I read the truth of that sentence. I just never thought I’d get here.

    Stay strong friends, and I mean it when I say never give up.

    Thank you for your time
     
    Limani, yugowolf1991, Arm and 8 others like this.
  2. That was some interesting information to read through. I hope you will be able to quit smoking after a while. I believe it is much easier than quitting porn. But make sure to study reboot material to maintain vigilance.

    Stay strong brother, and thank you for sharing this information!
     
  3. Soberhopeful

    Soberhopeful Fapstronaut

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    Of all the testimonies I read on this site, yours is by far the best. There will be people that will stay in the problem, but you moved to the solution.
     
    Limani and Sharing The Truth like this.
  4. nomo

    nomo Fapstronaut

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    Sorry, but replacing porn with cigarettes is lame. The theme here is to replace porn with "healthy" habits, not replace it with another deadly addiction. I don't want to discourage you or hurt you in anyway, but cigarettes are super harmful and I cannot condone using them as a replacement for anything.
    Good luck, keep trying, and I hope you find healthy habits in your search for a cure.
     
    Limani, btwiseman, Dr. Jekyll and 3 others like this.
  5. Sharing The Truth

    Sharing The Truth New Fapstronaut

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    I didn’t say it was good.
    It’s a net positive.
    A lesser of two evils.
     
  6. How many cigarettes do you smoke a day? Or does it depend on urges and whatnot?

    I can't judge because I drink a bit too much, though rarely enough to get drunk.
     
    MasterGamer likes this.
  7. Cool_Bro

    Cool_Bro Fapstronaut

    You are doing great Brother. Keep up the good work. Try to make proper routine with healthy habits. Evil things and all other type of addiction will go away automatically, gather all the will power you have and start improving yourself from now, maybe it seems to be difficult and hard to do so but believe me after a while , it will worth of every single minute and time you devoted for the same.Good luck Bro ! :)
     
  8. snowwolf0111

    snowwolf0111 Fapstronaut

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    heey ' sharing the truth ' , thanks for sharing that. Wow.. that must have been a tough life so far. but I do understand it really well. words like ' ashamed , addiction , porn is evil and depressed ' rings a bell to many people here. I am 42 and still fighting ( started when I was about 16 I think ) to get away from porn. last year I am doing better and better and getting from days into weeks with NoFap. there are a lot of people who are in the same boat. really hope we all can be on NoFap for the rest of our lives !
     
    Deleted Account and Soberhopeful like this.
  9. Soberhopeful

    Soberhopeful Fapstronaut

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    We receive our freedom one day at a time. Sometimes, in order to go to Heaven, we have to back away from Hell, one step at a time.
     

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