No skill with ladys help me!

Why? As you grow older, there are tons of women who'd want someone with a serious outlook on life because that's kind of a condition for a functioning, long-term relationship. Just because you're funny doesn't mean you will be a good and loyal partner. May be funny people tend to be better in bed, compared to serious, but you don't sound like the one who wants to sleep around much.

Avoiding the friend-zone is very simple, and is not related to being serious or funny. You just need to be honest and open about your intentions. If you have difficulties showing them, just tell the woman that you want to go out with her and make it so that she knows you have a romantic intention.

 

I have been there, I have done that and I have already changed that. So can you.

The book No More Mr Nice Guy by Robert Glover has all the answers and tips you are seeking for.
Read just the first chapter and it will open your eyes. Read it right now, online, free from https://archive.org/details/RobertGloverNoMoreMrNiceGuy.
Thank me later.

 

Friendzone is something someone creates for themselves because they neither want to be just a friend nor do they want to take a risk and go for what they really want. So they create a hidden contract which says "if I act in a way that I think other people will like me for, then they have to like me back". It's manipulating and deceiving. You act like you don't want to be anything more than just friends (because you don't want to risk rejection) while hiding your real intentions. It's a grey zone where you don't lose, but you also don't win. A place where nothing really happens. Where you don't get hurt, but you also don't get what you want. It's buying extra time and holding on to access with a person until you can sneak your way into getting what you want without risking rejection. It's waiting for a guarantee that will never come before taking action.

The cure to friendzone is make your intentions known from the beginning. If you want to be their friend, then be their friend without any other hidden motives. If you want something more, then take the risk of going for what you want. The more bold and clear you are with your intentions, the more bold and clear they will be with their level of interest in you.

If your goal is to get better at humor, that also requires risk. It takes a long time and a lot of failure to develop humor. To see what works and what doesn't. To understand what you find funny, what others find funny, and to find that middle ground where you both find something funny. People that are confident with their humor or at least the progress of developing their humor are comfortable with failure and rejection. They understand that they have to fail a lot to develop their own style of humor. They take risks and say / do out of the norm things that may or may not be successful in making other people laugh. It's the same thing with the friendzone. You can't develop and get better with humor if you play it safe and never take risks.

As for you being picky with women... you already know from your own experience as a good looking person that physical attributes aren't everything. Looks get old really fast when there's no actual substance to someone's character. Be open to more women. Not just those you consider to be at the level of professional models. Especially if you want to get better at socializing.

It's not that you don't have anything to say. It's just that you're not willing to say it due to you playing it safe and trying to act in a way that you think other people will like you for. It's a matter of expressing yourself honestly, allowing others to reject who you really are, being comfortable with rejection / failure, and finding people that actually resonate with that honest self expression rather than trying to convince uninterested people to become interested in you.

So it's all tied together. Your inability to socialize, your troubles with the friendzone, and your desire to get better at humor. It's all because you're hiding your intentions, hiding what you want to do or say, hiding who you really are, and playing in the safe zone where you never get hurt / fail / get rejected, but you also never get what you want.

 

Another thing about getting better at socializing.

If you always wait for the women you consider to be 9's and 10's and you have to pump yourself up as if it's some grand event, you will never get better at socializing. Why? Because you're treating them differently. Maybe you're even placing them above you.

Start talking to everyone everywhere.

Young old / big small / men women transgendered / homosexual straight / physically attractive or not / etc. Everyone. Everywhere you go. You'll learn a lot from people who are great at socializing. A lot of older people are great at it because they don't give a fuck anymore haha.

You'll eventually see that people are just people. You don't need special techniques or methods or the need to pump yourself up to talk to attractive people.... because they're just flawed people like everyone else. Treating them differently shows that you don't see them as real people and that you're not being real yourself (hidden intentions / acting in a way you think other people will like you for).

 

Btw, I see that you have a goal (to have a girlfriend). Don't set goals like that because they don't depend on you.
I also wanted to have a girl but I quitted because I realized that the problem is me and I have to improve myself in the first place to get a girl.
So my goal is to be more social, to be more confident...they depend on my will and motivation.

 

Well, make yourself into the person who has things to say.
You have the physical attractiveness. That always helps- even the least superficial person in their heart of hearts is swayed by a hot body.

So you need confidence as a companion to that face.

You have interests, refine them! You need a foundation, i.e. you need to build yourself into a person who women will find interesting. The goal is to build an easy confidence, and that does not come externally. Work on you before worrying about hopping out of the so-called friend zone.

Don't dismiss the subjects you like as not interesting or attractive. No matter what you are interested in, someone will find your interest attractive. And it is not really the subject matter that women find attractive, it is the passion, the knowledge (displayed without pedantry or arrogance,) and ultimately the confidence you display.

You say you are serious, and that turns women off, and man, I have to completely disagree. I am a very weird person and a late bloomer. I am a six on a good day, and not in great shape, and I have talked myself into um, interesting sexual situations with philosophy. (Or accurately, had a productive conversation that happened to be about philosophy.)

You need to really be able to have a conversation though, and not present a lecture. This is where a lot of self-defined serious people fail. Ask a lot of questions, ask for input, don't be dismissive. If you disagree, say "Yea, maybe" with a little shrug. Don't be afraid to be wrong, and learn from your companion. People love to talk about themselves. I talked for some time to a beautiful woman who made plush toys. I knew nothing about them, but asked a lot of questions, i.e. had a great conversation, and learned some new things.

Ultimately, there is no trick to a good conversation that might lead somewhere more sexy except don't think about how you are attracted to a woman, and how you want it to lead somewhere more sexy.

If your first thought when meeting a woman is to immediately get nervous because you find her attractive, you are bound to fail. When you meet a woman, don't think about sex or dating or anything. Imagine she will be out of your life in less than an hour, and spend that time conversing as you would with anyone. If it helps, imagine her a colleague, relative, or friend's ex. Place her off limits, at least temporarily, to erase that killer nervousness, and lets the conversation flow.

If it does not work out, no loss. You have gained some knowledge, some conversation skills, and some confidence. Onward...

 

Who dares wins!

Those coke heads have nothing to loose, often see women in a low light and go for them as they don't care if they get shot down, after all, nothing ventured nothing lost.

The best advice I can give you is start to be 'odd'. Say silly things, don't be too serious. Luckerly I will never be in your position, but if I was I'd be even odder than I am now.

Some women like men which are playful, other women like men which are serious and stable. Other women like rich men, just depends.

Ask her on a date as friend, and keep going down this friends path, make her laugh and find a moment and say something really sweet. If you do this enough and keep doing it she will crumble to your feet.

Good luck my friend.

Edit: If she says, I see you as a friend, say, yes, I see you as a friend too, then try to kiss her. This will make her laugh, you only need to put the thought in his mind, and trust me in saying you have nothing to loose and you won't fail either. It might take a few months of this playful behavior, but it will work. Give her space though, don't be overbearing, in other words, have fun!

 

Yes! You are going to suck at conversation if you pull it out only when you want to impress a potential mate (or anyone.)
It is a life skill. One that helps ease your way through the day, and makes every encounter a little less sucky.

I saw a quote where someone referred to small talk as "spending pennies on a person to see if they are worth spending dollars."

I suck at small talk, and was always annoyed by it. I didn't get it until I read that.
It seems obvious, but you don't know the things you don't know, and so the truth of that statement hit me like a bolt of lightning.
I am now far more tolerant of and open to small talk.

 

DO NOT, I ADD, DO NOT SAY IT SERIOUS! It won't work. Do not push her for a relationship in a serious light either, and never put her on the spot to answer you if she wants to take things serious.

 

Just be yourself ..if someone doesn't like you for you they are probably not worth it in the long run. Trust me as someone who tries to hard to please people sometimes the best thing you can do is to start to not care what anyone thinks..

QUOTE="Monstermuttz, post: 1472533, member: 222378"]Well, I have social anxiety, however I do have some good friends. But when it comes to women I am attracted to I fail hard. I'd love a lady friend to call friend. But I am 100% the nice guy. And because I happen to be really good at 1 on 1 serious talks about life and philosophy ext ext.. I am always friend zoned.

Now not to brag, please understand I have little pride in this fact. But I am VERY attractive, been told all my life. And have had opportunities to become a male model for a magazine. But again, to detached to ever accept, it was a stupid decision. So I am certain it is my attitude or social skills wich butcher all my chances with the ladys. I am trying NoFap to see if it helps, perhaps its cause I shoot so high? I am very picky when it come to whom I find attractive. But I take good care of myself so I feel the need that my mate should to.

I often times find myself with an empty mind and nothing to start a conversation. Wich is scary cause 90% of the time I can't shut my brain up... My main goal is to find a girl to laugh with... or make laugh. I suck at comedy. I am a serious person, and hate it. Same with finding places to meet single girls. For whatever reason I can't use dating apps effectively, I see 40 year old coke heads get more lady's... I need some of you gentlemen or lady's to give some tips. I have a 1 year goal with NoFap and in that goal includes getting a girlfriend!

Thank you if you read this far, honestly. The community has been great to me so far and you're all amazing![/QUOTE]

 

I like that quote.

It's a way to explore people.

If you're interested, then it's also a way to test for interest.

Starting out with basic greetings and random conversations. Sometimes people aren't interested even at this early stage and you can tell by someone's behavior and attitude if you want to explore further as well.

Then going beyond social pleasantries and into getting to know each other. You find out more about each other and see if you want to continue exploring.

Then at this point you can decide what you want and go for it. If you're interested, the more bold and clear your intentions are, the more bold and clear they will show their level of interest in you.