When I am in my "groove" the porn comes calling

I was kind of the same way with my phone. Temptation was too great though. Even if I had no intentions of looking at anything I wouldn't want my wife to know about, sometimes it would still happen due to a picture or video on facebook or something and I'm relapsing from that. The bottom line now for me is no devices in the bathroom for any reasons. NO exceptions.

 

For me, I think we suffer from a “strange mental blind spot.” We forget how bad it used to be and a good day or a bad day can lead us back to our addiction.

trying to fight the addiction with willpower alone, hasn’t worked for me. I will always end up with cravings and they are very sneaky cravings that I tell myself it will be fine. Even a bad memory of PMO from 2 weeks ago won’t be useful against my cravings.

Personally, i have to do a bunch of healthy alternatives to keep me sober. And with the extra stuff, I’m no longer relying on my willpower to keep me sober, and I am becoming more and more safe from that “strange mental blind spot” which causes us to return to using even on a good day.

Our goal is to be completely balance with our sexual self, and this can happen eventually. Whether good or bad days, if we see a nude sexual movie scene, or we’re scrolling on the internet and there’s a Victoria secret ad, we’re not thrown into the grips of addiction; we’re just neutral about it. This is possible with a little extra work.

to avoid certain people places or things is saying that some sort of external force is the reason we relapse, not our addiction living within our brain. For example “as long as I never go to that neighborhood with the strip club, I’ll be safe.” This is like an alcoholic never being able to go to a supermarket because there is an alcohol isle. What a restrictive horrible life that would be! Luckily alcoholics don’t have to run from it, and we are the same, eventually we will be placed in a position of neutrality around our addiction and just as an alcoholic doesn’t have to avoid walking past the alcohol isle, we don’t have to tailor our lives to prevent an accident, because we will be free from compulsion.

Now this doesn’t happen over night so at first it might be helpful to avoid some situations, but always follow that up with incredible self honesty and some extra work, so you start to recover. The work is very important, because otherwise you will find yourself for sometimes no reason at all relapsing.

Hope this helps! And keep us posted!

 

Now that you mention it, my guard is always down when I’m doing good, like I trick myself into thinking it’ll be okay to do it again

 

The most dangerous time for an addict is when we’re sober. When sober is the only time when we can relapse. It’s a “NO DUH!” Statement, but it’s so true!

It’s a very simple concept, but as addicts logic doesn’t work for us. We have what’s called a “strange mental blind spot.” We can’t stop when we start and we can’t stay stopped when we stop.

We have no defense against relapse as long as we are operating on self will and attempting to stay sober on our own. This is why we have to do extra work beyond wishing it away.

Sorry, it’s a hard concept to try and write down. I hope it was clear enough.

EDIT: I guess a good way of saying it is, if stopping was our problem, all it would take was the decision to stop, then we would be stopped forever and our problem would be gone; just like that, quick, easy, painless. Unfortunately that’s not how it works. How many times have you tried to stop and it didn’t work? I tried for 10 years.

There’s something else that happens to us when we’re sober that causes us to return to the thing that (very recently) had us in a tornado of chaos, depression and shame. Somehow, we can forget all of that pain fairly quickly and think it’s a good idea to return to it. This is that mental blind spot. This is the progression that leads to relapse. This is why self-will and a “just don’t do it” mentality doesn’t work for an addict like me (and sound like you also).

We need something more, than willpower. We’ve proven willpower doesn’t work.

 

What is the answer?

 

for me it’s whats outlined in the AA Big Book; daily prayer, meditation, journaling, rigorous honesty (with myself and others), reaching out to fellow addicts when in need, and a very real reliance on my concept of a higher power.

I’m not at all religious and to be honest I struggle with the beliefs in a higher power. But recently I have come up with a simple concept that I can reach out to when times are tough.

 

I think I know what you’re saying. It’s the struggle everyone on this site goes through. Easier said than done sorta concept. During sober moments, specifically during long time without using, our body turns against us and that’s when the journey begins, it’s hard but I feel once you get into momentum, just live life, I’m more or less in auto pilot, but I still catch myself thinking how good P or P substitutes would feel, that’s the tricky brain/mind I need to be aware of.

 

Porn makes us hypersensitive to arousal, especially the first few days after a relapse or like you said, once your in your groove.

The navy seal tactic of breathing in through the nose for four seconds and then out through the mouth for four seconds until you feel peaceful helped me.