[365-CHALLENGE] THE THREE HUNDRED AND SIXTY FIVE DAYS CHALLENGE !

After 61 days and celebrating so many days of sobriety, it has all come crashing down. I watched porn and MO'd as I had difficulty sleeping once again. My anxiety had been rising throughout the whole of last week and culminated with me failing. A large chunk of yesterday was spent fighting urges and sexual thoughts. I am utterly disappointed with myself. I feel like jumping off a building right now. Thoughts of gloom and doom abound. That evil voice that always told me I am a failure is back to haunt me....
I need to let this day pass and the re-calibrate and get back up again.

 

Check-in day 64 of 365.

 

Day 91/365

 

I’m in, as of yesterday. So 1/365.

 

Day 13/365.

Don't take it too hard @happysloth. You are not a failure. The main thing is that you're doing your best and that you get up again and keep fighting.

 

The enemy is a liar, a thief, and a murderer.

He can gain access at times to your
fears
insecurities
memories
emotions

At times,
he can craft the perfect set of lies
to keep you enslaved
or to say NO to life
or to think that your free will is locked away or dissolved.

Treat it like an illusion or a mirage.

Hope isn't something we can always see and feel at every moment. Just know that hope does exist just as surely as you exist. There really is a road out of this, and it really is right in front of you. Take courage, breathe in, step forward, and embrace it. Say YES to life - one step, one breath, at a time.

Unlike the enemy, you can get better. Let tomorrow worry about itself - now is what matters.

That is the truth.

 

Day 99/365
I'll not be able to post in this thread for about 3 days, because of I'll go on a school trip, to Kyoto and Nara.
Of course, I'm going to keep my habits; and it'll be an amazing trip for me! Really looking forward.

 

16 days.

 

Sorry to hear about the relapse but great that you are still here posting about it. This addiction thrives in the darkness & you could just as easily crawl away & never come back to this site again.
That you’re posting still & being honest speaks volumes. As @dr-jekyll said, one day a time. Today is just today. Focus on that, nothing more.

 

すごい！Enjoy the shika!

 

Day 1

 

@Jyas @Dr. Jekyll @Robbo-seeking-life
Thank you guys for the support and encouragement. Without a community of people to support one another and keep each other accountable, it would be impossible to break free from this addiction. Hopefully, I will get my head clear of these depressive thoughts with a few days clean under my belt.

 

Remember that you accomplished it already, and you can do better. Sometimes messing up can be one of the most motivating things in the world; if nothing else it provides you with more info, and if the above statement is really your mindset, it honestly sounds to me like you're exactly where you need to be. If you keep that mindset and really integrate it, you're gonna be at day 365 soon, looking in the mirror and hardly even recognizing yourself you'll be so strong.

If you like reading, try this book: https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/6570502-switch

I feel you on the depression thing - I tell myself a lot that I'm not good enough, sometimes not that directly, but it's all the same: I convince myself that I can't, because it's scary, or I anticipate the amount of discomfort, or I know I'm going to be tested. Maybe one of the biggest lies we've been sold is that we always need to feel good about things before we can move forward. Heard David Goggins (retired navy seal/ultra runner) say something once that really stuck with me - he said he was moved by the scene in Rocky when he keeps getting back up even though he's getting his face smashed in, describing the look on Apollo Creed's face as "having his soul taken" when he sees Rocky not quitting through the pain he must be in. Goggins said he decided after watching it once that he was going to be that person that would keep getting up and tackling down whatever was thrown at him.

You're going to get there, just don't stop.

 

Day 2/365

 

Day 9-10 - Sometimes God doesn't change your situation because he is trying to change your heart.

 

Check-in day 65 of 365.

 

39 days done!

 

128/365. I decided to start posting a bit more often and not just once a week. I am also a bit tired of having two streaks (one since I joined this challenge, and one since I stopped PMO), so I will start only counting the latter one. My goal is to have a PMO free 2018 anyways, so I will just count here for the rest of the year.

162 days!

 

22/365 of no 'F'.

 

Update:212/365