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Need advice

Discussion in 'Rebooting - Porn Addiction Recovery' started by AgilSalim, Apr 27, 2018.

  1. AgilSalim

    AgilSalim Fapstronaut

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    Sorry my bad english. I am from indonesia

    I need an advice from you, i am 18yo and i have PMO since 10. I have through with many ways to overcome this bad habit, i am so stressful with this, but i can't stop this pmo, my best streak 70+ days only, can't farther than this. I joined nofap since 2017. And right now i know many informations about effect of pmo from nofap, and one of them is ED. And i feel ED right now, i can't feel morning-wood again, my life becomes so numb.

    I am a muslim and you know that marriage in young age is one of sunnah from the Prophet. I wanna get married in young age so that i can stop this bad habit (pmo) and get a new and better life. But i am afraid and worried with this ED thing, i have read many articles about couple who had dispute because of this thing, and i am afraid i can't make happy my wife some day.

    In my country, recently there is issue which spread over young people, that is marriage in young age, and that is something cheerful for me and for many youth. And easy to get married right now for 18yo like me if we wanted.

    There is a girl, she is my friend at secondary upper school, and now she is studying at college and i am in college too, she wanted to get married with me, and her parents agreed, and i wanted too.
    Btw i work part-time time job at restaurant, it doesn't disturb my lecture nor hers in university, i think the salary is enough for two of us if we get married, and i think i am capable enough to get married in this age. I know marriage like this is strange for you all who live in western country, but trust us, this is worth to be tried.

    What do you think about it? Can you give me an advice?
     
  2. arush1001

    arush1001 Fapstronaut

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    Bro stay on your streak with full commitment and i ensure you that you morning woods and ED problem would be solved. I cannot tell you the specific time but trust me you need nofap with full commitment. All the best :)
     
  3. AgilSalim

    AgilSalim Fapstronaut

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    I told you bro, i've tried and tried, but it's so hard that i wanna to give up, i think being in hard mode is reason why i can't keeup up. In my country, i can't having sex like you all with so easy, it's such a disgrace here, besides it's a big sin you know, bible and quran say so right?

    And the marriage i think is the solution, i can commitment with nofap and my marriage, it's not so hard
     
    arush1001 likes this.
  4. WreckTangle

    WreckTangle Fapstronaut

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    I hear what you are saying AgilSalim, but in my opinion getting married while you are still struggling with PMO issues carries a lot of risk. If I were in your situation, I would try my best to overcome it before getting married. I would not want to burden my wife with an addiction I was still struggling with.

    My suggestion is, dig in and really put some work into beating PMO. Spend the time to plan out how you can best get control of it. You know what the urges are like, think of ways to get past them. I used to go for a lot of walks, sometimes for an hour or two if I needed it. Read a book that interests you. Strenuous physical activity is great, it will tire you out, relax you and help you sleep. Stay away from triggers. Spend time with friends. Stay busy. Use your desire to get married as more incentive to succeed at this. You get the idea. Do whatever you can think of that could help you get past the urges.

    If you do decide to get married before you work through this completely, you really need to let your partner know what your situation is to let her decide up front if she is still willing to marry you. If you don't do this and you still have difficulties afterwards it will be very hard for her to accept that you didn't talk to her about it earlier. It's just not fair to her.

    Best of luck with it AgilSalim!
     
  5. arush1001

    arush1001 Fapstronaut

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    Commit to your marriage and in the meanwhile recover yourself. You will have a happily married life :)
     
  6. AgilSalim

    AgilSalim Fapstronaut

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    I know it will carry many risk if i do it before i am healed. But i want to ask you question, have you stopped from your pmo? I am not questioning your advice nor judging you, i know those advices was very useful, but i don't know why i am sucked with these same "how to stop porn: get busy, restrict your internet, bla bla bla" i knew these all, i tried on it, and i always failed, i just wanna give up.

    I want to try the last choice, that's marriage, i have plan how to overcome it, i will discuss it with my wife when i get married, i dont wanna lie. I neither don't wanna burden my wife with my addiction, i want her happy
     
  7. WreckTangle

    WreckTangle Fapstronaut

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    No problem AgilSalim. I stopped PMO about 7 months ago. It was really tough at first, but I worked hard at it, gave it a lot of thought, put a lot of work into it, and changed my life enough to help make it happen. One thing I have an advantage with compared to you young guys here is that I'm 60. That means my libido is lower and I have a lot more life experience under my belt. But I think the principles of beating an addiction are the same for all of us.

    Again, I hear you and I think I understand where you are coming from. The thing is that when you get married you will have a whole new set of responsibilities and stresses. In my experience with other addictions it's hard enough to overcome one when your life is simple, and adding the stresses of a new relationship, specially a marriage, is very likely to be counterproductive to your personal development.

    You may think marriage is the last choice for you, but I see it as you thinking this is an easier way for you to succeed than to work things out by yourself before you bring someone else into your life. I know you don't want to hear this, but that's my opinion, for whatever it's worth.

    As far as not letting your bride know about your issue before you marry her, think about how you would feel if your bride had PMO issues and didn't tell you about it before marrying you.

    Before you decide what to do next, please consider all of your options. Have you really done everything you can so far to get past PMO? Also, do some research into how stressful a new marriage really is. Here is one hit I got from Google on that topic.

    Whatever you decide to do, I wish you the best my friend :cool:
     
  8. AgilSalim

    AgilSalim Fapstronaut

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    Hey, i am so sorry, thank you for every words you said, i love you.
     
    WreckTangle likes this.

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