Hi everybody

Thanks for sharing MaryAnn. Your understanding of your partners struggle is so encouraging to hear about. I think that PMO is an unacknowledged, serious problem in our culture today. I applaud you for realizing that zero of the fault lies in you. Coming from someone dealing with PMO the last thing I would want my partner to think is that she was somehow responsible or that it was a reflection of my lack of desire or adoration for her. hang in there- john

 

Thank you. Stay safe

 

Welcome to the community

 

Welcome @MaryAnn - so glad you're here.

If you haven't already come across them, please search for these users. You'll find their experience and support invaluable.

@Numb
@AnonymousAnnaXOXO
@GG2002
@Jagliana
@Kenzi

This is the link to the section of the site where partners of porn addicts support each other. Maybe start a thread there. The users I mentioned earlier are often around there.

https://www.nofap.com/forum/index.php?forums/significant-other-journals.107/

Sorry you're going through a lot just now.

"Everything will be alright in the end... If everything's not alright, it's not yet the end."

Take care, and please reach out to the community if you need something.

 

So sorry to hear it mary. have you two tried couples counceling?

 

Hey @MaryAnn ,

I'm nobody special on here. Just a regular user saying, "welcome".

There is so much support on this forum, the profiles and the various groups. It works if you work it. I don't offer advise. I offer only my ESH (experience, strength and hope).

My ESH is that NoFap is about action and that meant work for me. It is not about "not doing something", for me, it is about working my program.

Work it? Oh yeah. There's work to be done, that's what's worked for me. Two things I've found necessary.

1. I had to Learn the NoFap Program.

2. Getting involved with the community on here was vital to help my recovery.

Learn the NoFap Program
The resources listed on the "New Users: List of Rebooting Resources" helped me find my way around the reasons behind the program and the terms used.

They are:

• Download the free Getting Started guide.
  
  
• Set up a PMO-Counter Badge. More info here!
  
  
• Basic introduction to the science of porn addiction!
  
  
• Basic information about rebooting and how our challenges can help you recover from PMO. This is the most important page to read. If you only can read one page, read this one.
  
  
• About NoFap.
  
  
• Watch this video - it is an epic intro resource if you want to get particular details about porn addiction and how it changes how your brain works.
  
  
• This is a good light-weight video about porn addiction.
  
  
• Read through the journal sections and see what other rebooters have experienced. It is good to know what to expect, otherwise the "chaser effect", "the surge", or the "flatline" might throw you off.
  
  
• If you come across vocabulary that you can't understand, check out our rebooting glossary of terms.
  
  
• GET ACCOUNTABLE FOR YOUR HABITS! Sign up for a peer accountability partner. Otherwise if you want more professional-hosted solutions, check out NoFap Premium or Reboot Camp. If you can afford to invest in yourself, these are great options.
  

You can find this same list on the top of the forum you posted this message on at - the "New to NoFap" forum.

Get Involved with the Community
The community has been my lifeline. I've found journals I love, people who are very supportive and a place where I could get to work helping in a small way others.

Remember, I'm just a normal user with no magic powers. But, I can:

• Read Journals, and comment when I have ESH
  
  
• Find people I admire and stay in touch via their profiles
  
  
• Pick a forum and make sure every post gets and answer. I can't answer them all, but that's good - different opinions make for a better group.
  
  
• Post in my journal (I could be better at it - but I do milestone posts at least) To make a journal go to the section listed by age and start one. Keep all your journal posts in one thread. But, for random thoughts, you can create a new thread.
  

Looking forward to seeing you around on the forums,

--> L

PS – I Think of pmo like a wolf. If I Stay near the center of the group with the winners the wolf has a more difficult time finding me. But, stray near the edges of the community by not working my program and the wolf can pick me off.

 

For me NoFap is 1/2 program & 1/2 fellowship.

Click on these people and post a "hello" on their profiles.

I've found that the bricks that hold this community together are cemented with the support of the members of the fellowship.

@bartbar
@CrushPornBeneathYourFeet
@JakeO5
@Arohamystic
@MLMVSS
@Rising Sun !!
@Ready to be healthy
@Brahmacharin
@tet2vd
@Satchi
@BigDawg913
@zakes
@LilD
@kropo82

Look at with whom they exchange messages and you will find more profiles.

So, if you would have found more profiles yourself, why suggest these particular ones as a start? Those relationships started with just saying hello. So, my ESH is that saying hello has kept the fellowship alive for myself.

Looking forward to your success and in seeing you say hello on these profiles,

--> L

 

One of the ways I got involved with the fellowship was by reading some really great journals. Reading other's stories with their victories and even defeats is a big part of my program.

I've included journals from all age groups, spiritual members, religious members, secular members, male and female. You should find journals that help. If not, look around, there are hundreds of others from which to choose. When I say "it works if you work it", reading journals is part of that work.

Once you open a journal, click "Watch Thread" in the upper right of the page to get alerts when new posts are made. Here are just a few:

@StarLightReboot - https://www.nofap.com/forum/index.php?threads/156764
---
@SaapKaBaap - https://www.nofap.com/forum/index.php?threads/139761/
---
@GoldSpirit - https://www.nofap.com/forum/index.php?threads/147651/
---
@Lazarus Shuttlesworth - https://www.nofap.com/forum/index.php?threads/53299/
---
@Inqonyama - https://www.nofap.com/forum/index.php?threads/166981/
---
@db001 - https://www.nofap.com/forum/index.php?threads/130513/
--
@LilD - https://www.nofap.com/forum/index.php?threads/147764/
---
@julianstone - https://www.nofap.com/forum/index.php?threads/146584/
---
@zakes - https://www.nofap.com/forum/index.php?threads/149243/
---
@BreatheDeeply - https://www.nofap.com/forum/index.php?threads/139097/
---
@LiquidShoes - https://www.nofap.com/forum/index.php?threads/134044/
---


There are many more, and you can discover them on your own. But, these are great places to start.

This is a work in progress. So, if a journal has changed or is no longer active, look around there are some amazing journals on here.

--> L


PS - Starting a journal also helped me a great deal.

The journals are listed by age groups on the forum start page.

Most members run one journal only. That way both the member and others can go back and look at their journey at a later time.

Hope to read your journal soon. Also, in your personal details you can put a link to your journal. Then, appears under your avatar.

-

 

terribly sorry to hear it. I wonder if he would consider the counseling if the pretext was not to talk about porn. just to talk about your relationship etc. Perhaps he'd be willing to fight for your marriage even though he won't acknowledge the PMO problem? Sending hugs your way. hang in there

 

Hey @MaryAnn,

Being the partner, parent, child, brother, sister or just a good friend of an addict is one of the most difficult positions to be in.

On June 10, 1935 a brave woman named Lois Wilson (who gave permission for her full name to be used) co-founded an organization called Al-Anon. It's basic mission was to offer a support group for anyone who's life is affected by an alcoholic. Over the years, it's expanded to include people who's lives are affected by any addiction (often alcohol and other addictions go together). Unlike her husband Bill Wilson (who gave his permission that his full name can be used) who co-founded AA, Lois didn't write as much.

But, in 2010 a book and series were done called, "When Love is Not Enough: The Lois Wilson Story". It has brought more attention to her work in helping family members of alcoholics and addicts.

I do want to point out that it's no a common practice in AA or Al-Anon to use last names - if someone uses their own last name, that's fine, but mostly it's just first name last initial.

You can find more about Al-Anon at: https://al-anon.org/

There is tons of support here on NoFap for partners and I'm not suggesting Al-Anon over NoFap. But, for me working more that one program has helped.

--> L