What lead you to PMO?

Make friends, don't be alone. You need connection.

 

For me I think it was insecurity and feeling inadequate as a man. I always doubted myself sexually, even though I've never been given any reason to. It was easier for me to turn to porn than face real life.

 

I developed my PA while at school as a way of coping with isolation and bullying. Very young probably 13 ish.

Never been good socially. My PA always rears it’s head when I am feel lonely, anxious or rejected, hence my current battle with it. I going thru divorce so feel like this a lot, and if I am tired or just idle (doesn’t have to be for long) I end up going back to it, even tho the conscious reason part of me is saying don’t, I still carry on.

Definitely worth learning yourself and what triggered/triggers your PMO issues. Definitely talk with a therapist, but in my experience they don’t really understand it as a problem (I’ve seen a few different ones), but it can help you work back to wheee it started and even just talking to someone can help you to reach your own conclusions and set you in your own path.

 

I have never been able to speak to any professional about anything like this.

 

So far, through therapy and extensive research, I’ve found that sexual assault at a young age first sparked my interest in sexuality and confused it (when it should have been a more guided process later on). It also left a very subtle mark in the form of dysthymia, a chronic low-key depression that has pretty much been around since can rememeber.

This interest introduced fantasy into my life, which pretty much was set on a course that would collide with the infinite options of the internet. You can guess how joyful they were to find each other. Incredible interest with incredible infinite options have been at the center of my battle. Getting them to divorce each other has been tough, but through good books and therapy it started making more sense that they should not be kept around for long. PMO has been a soothing, crippling drug that treated my depression with costly downsides. It’s time to regain my life back.

Unfortunately, I haven’t found many people around NoFap who have found the same connection to their use of PMO.

 

Sorry, I didn't notice that you asked specific questions. Probably wanna number them or bullet them. I didn't have a counsellor or therapist, only 2 of my friends knew, and of them only one of them knows about it in great details. I did answer the first question in a way, loneliness drove me to PMO. I figured it out when I stopped and realised why people made friends. You have to, you can't survive without social interaction. It's the foundation of our civilization. It wasn't the discovery of fire or the invention of the wheel that made us the dominant species, it was giving a damn and caring about your friends and family.

 

There were many factors.

Curiosity. I discovered it when I was like 9. It seemed fun to just watch so I watched.

10 my dad caught me and told me to stop, I did.

12 I saw it again and it felt like meeting an old friend.

I left it again at around 13, but quickly went back to it for about 2 years.

15 was a weird time, I had a whole lot of stuff going on. It was very busy and then all of a sudden there would be nothing to do. All of a sudden after that everything would be back to do again.

With this constant fluctuation my mind needed something to do to keep it busy while waiting, what better than the old friend whom I had some fun with in the past..

Sanctuary: 16 I went through some tragedy and I ran away to porn. Then I had some more tragedy and ran away further.

If I had to give a summary, at the beginning it was just some fun for time waste. At 15 it was for something to stay busy with. After 16 it was me clinging to a past I didn't like because of a future I didn't like.

Thus I completely ignored the present because of my focus on the past and knew this was screwing up my future so I ran away to porn.

 

I suppose my reason isn't all that much. I think with most guys my age it was just curiosity and hormones. Figuring out that you can find anything online for free is pretty amazing to a young boy who is starting to get interested in sex.

 

OCD for me. Majority of my OCD is in my head. Ruminating, worrying about the past present etc. Had it ever since I was a kid.

When I would watch P, I'm geusseing because of the increase of dopamine? All the thoughts compulsions and whatever bullshit going threw my head would stop. Giving me relief. I had to find out the hard way that wasn't the correct way to deal with OCD and instead I gave myself a porn addiction on top of the problems I already have.

Now I'm working on how to deal and beat OCD in a healthy way without using PMO to cope.

 

My parents raised me to be very conscientious so I never looked at porn, I knew it was bad. In my 20s I fell in love and the guy was incredulous when I said I'd never seen porn. He said he considered himself a "porn connoisseur". He said "there's porn for everyone and every taste". He asked what turns me on. I thought about it and replied, "real love". He went quiet for a moment then said, "hmm I think that's the one preference porn doesn't cater to".

When we eventually became separated and living on other sides of the world, I missed him terribly. He was very intelligent and had influenced me in some ways. I thought about his view on porn. I was curious. I checked it out. It repulsed me. I felt physically ill looking at it. But it was like driving past a brutal car crash - it's horrific, and yet you feel this magnetic compulsion to stare at it. I started watching it a lot. For about a month it started spiralling out of control. I knew I was falling down the rabbit hole and I'd been safe on land my whole life. I knew I had to get out quick, before I fell further down this grimey underworld of lust and excess and indulgence. Then I found this site. Thanks to the power of this programme and a hell of an AP I got out with most of my dignity and my senses intact.

I guess the point is:
1) be careful what you plant in people's minds. Your words have power, they can influence.
2) be careful what you allow to take root in your mind. Choose wisely the flippant comments from people that you allow to stick.
3) monitor yourself constantly so you can detect quickly when you are harming yourself in subtle ways. Be aware of what leads your mind to loftiness and lowliness. Take action fast to pull yourself down the right direction.

 

Nothing in particular. I was 11 when I first started watching porn, as did all of my friends. As a teenager I became depressed and developed bad anxiety. I used porn and games to escape reality. This is probably where my true addiction began.

 

I bumped into it around 10, which was about when my father really started beating on me. Not a drunk, he was just an A-hole. I wasn't allowed many friends or allowed to play sports, so I read a lot and found porn mags in the dumpster when I could. I joined the military, and then worked for state government, a lot of the time at very remote field stations. I started hauling a thumb drive with me, then a small computer, and finally I had porn on my phone. Up until 3 years ago my father was verbally abusive every chance he got. When he ginally died, I was retired and everything just crashed. Wife at work, kids jn school, and nothing to do. Quitting was my 2018 resolution.