Loneliness is it good?

Yes, I feel you. It makes you feel like the world is empty and noiseless. Like nothing is too bad or good. However, you're in control of how you want to control your life or this loneliness. I think the most difficult problem that alot of people face is that they see in-materialistic things such as emotions and state of conditions as a materialistic object (which it is) that it can physically limit us to do the things we want. Stop thinking like that. It's your negative mindset telling you that being an introvert is in fact the best way to live your life. That being lonely for all eternity is the way to experience life. However, you're not the only one who believes that this happens only to you. You're not the only who thinks that you're different. You're not. It's fucking normal to experience these things. After all, we are human beings. We have the capacity to experience a lot of things in life compared to animals. That's what makes us different from them. That we're capable of thinking, acting, and committing to things. We are socially inept creatures. We are always looking for questions more than we are looking for answers. There's no set rubric on how to live life as it is. Look at the education system, all the courses relating to life doesn't tell us on how life exactly works. It just happens for us and we make the best of it. We create history and impact the future and so on and so forth. So on how to become an extrovert from an introvert, it's all on your action. Your moment to put yourself out there to speak up and socialize is the biggest step to change. There's so much to learn and realize that the world is a better place. I know I'm rambling again but that's how it is. You need to brighten up your perspective on how you look at things. Don't worry, I was just like you. Believe in me that you believe in yourself. I know you can. Let me know if this helped or not.

 

I am okay with being an introvert. Earlier I would feel guilty for nor making friends easily or feeling out of place, but now I'm okay with myself.

I feel stifled around too many people. It drains me of mental energy. Once i went to a colleague's wedding. The entire office had gone and those 2 days were a nightmare. I felt so out of place and couldnt wait to return.

With time the right kind of people come along in life.
one thing that i learnt is that in friendship choose character over personality.

 

It isn't all good for introverts either, actually that can probably become an excuse for me and then you don't try to connect with people - we all have limits and a range.

Of course socializing isn't all good either, nothing is so black and white. We just gotta sort it out, it's not so simple. To be honest I wouldn't trust it if it was so simple, it wouldn't seem real because that's just not human nature. So it takes patience too.

 

Also it depends on who the people around you are. At times we just dont get along well with the people around us.

 

It depends on how you handle it.

For me, I'm a sociable person but I feel better handling myself (if that makes any sense). I talk to friends and family sometimes but most of my time is alone. If you have the mental stability to handle yourself, you can be introverted. But that doesn't entirely mean to blow everything out of the way.

Make sure to just make yourself available. Let people know you care and you're there for them. Don't blow people off. Be confident, understand that no one is perfect.

 

I haven't made it a point to become good at that and I am disinclined to. If people responded to the standard social cues I tend to have a bias and aversion against it, in my mind I kind of think of it like the characters in Office Space that says "Sounds like a case of the Mondays!"

If anything, and assuming you are talking with someone interested in original perspectives I would say share something that isn't going to be too common or generic - but really that's just me. Statistically speaking you have a much better chance going with something more standard, I just don't tend to lean that way.

 

Introversion and loneliness are a favourite topic for me: I am an introvert too, but used to be an "extreme" introvert ... Especially around women. I never had a gf until I was about 27. I was a virgin until I was 40.

It wasn't helped by having a stammer as well.

What worked for me and turned my life around was forcing myself to do extrovert things...especially public speaking. I now regularly lecture to over 200 without stammering, and it is easy for me. I have even been on TV speaking, and no one would know I stammered. Psychologists tell us introversion is a personality trait we are born with, but I think it isn't that simple.

So this is my advice... Like PMO, you have to confront the demons. You cannot let them beat you. I know it is easier said than done, but it is the start.

 

Introversion doesn't necessary mean that you are destined to loneliness. It will if you think that it does. Introversion just means that you draw energy from within yourself rather than people around you. Most introverts still have healthy relationships, it's just that there are times when an introvert will need quietness and time alone to recharge their batteries.

If you cling to an identity of who you are - "I'm an introvert therefore I need to be alone" then you are going to conform to that identity. "I can't talk to people because I'm an introvert". "I can't go to the party because I'm an introvert". It can be an excuse for anything in our life - "I didn't get that job because I'm an introvert".

You probably can't change your introversion but you can embrace it. Western society puts a lot of emphasis on extroversion as a positive characteristic and really underplays the power of introversion. You're an introvert which means that you're going to need time by yourself - that's OK. It doesn't mean that you need to spend all your time alone. You will almost certainly need time to recharge your batteries but it doesn't mean that you can't make yourself do things that are probably uncomfortable. I really dislike going out for work social occasions but when I force myself to everyone loves that I did. I will even have a good time but it doesn't mean that I draw energy from that - I still need that alone time afterwards to recharge.

You probably don't realise as well but there are probably a load of people out there crying that they wish that they were introverts - to be able to think deeply about things and not feel that they have to talk constantly and to be able to actually spend time alone and be contented. We can always complain that others have more than us, that others are better than us, different from us; or that it would only be different if I was better looking, more charismatic, drove a better car... - that we completely miss what makes us great in ourselves. Learn who you are and how to make the most of what you have and not what you don't have.

You'll also probably won't believe it but a lot of high profile stars are introverts. They can still go out, perform with energy to thousands of people and go to all those big showbiz parties. They just need their alone time afterwards.

Force yourself to do things. Don't automatically say no when you get invited to a party. Make small talk with the barista in Starbucks - just say hello and ask them how their day is going. They'll appreciate it (barely anyone ever talks to them) and even if it's really awkward (I promise that it will feel like it at first) it's only for a couple of minutes. When you get used to these social interactions then you'll probably find it easier to start conversations with other new people. It does take me a long time to let my guard down and so I do find those initial conversations with people really awkward but once I've broken through that initial awkwardness then it does get much easier for me. If they don't want to talk to you then it's their loss, not yours.

I read a really good book called "Quiet" which really helped me understand what being an introvert is all about (and why society needs to embrace introversion as a positive quality rather than something to be supressed).

 

Instead of opening the bad site, open a site for songs and listen to them. I've started doing that. I listen to calming songs at times.

 

Loneliness, solitude is good for me. But as you said, it can be the trigger for a person to PMO. I am guilty of this. Keeping busy helps, studying, having a conversation with someone, keeps one's mind off toxic thoughts.

 

Being on your own can be good.. And sometimes it is just what is needed. Loneliness is never good.

 

exactly dog. Think about it from a psychological perspective. If you "think" differently about how you approach things, you'll be a different person. You are what you "eat". You'll feel and do things differently from before. If you want to be lonely, sure, go for it. Sometimes the best medicine is to be alone for certain things. But don't let solitude become infused with everything that you do. You'll lose your fucking mind. Look at our justice system, the best punishment for criminals in prisons is to put them in dark, isolated rooms. Just imagine sitting there for hours and hours of not talking to someone and only listening to your thoughts. It will eat you. Now, a good way to experience extroversion is to just merely act like an extrovert. Like all the folks here, just do it. Need to know how to become an extrovert? Go outside and sit down on a bench and just "people-watch". Observe how other people are talking, walking, and interacting with one another. Become an actor in a sense. If you hesitate, people will know then that's when your mind will go into a survival-mode-state-of-mind and then you freak out. Don't be afraid. It sucks at first but all it takes is one step forward to make a difference.
For PMO, Im going to assume that's your "go-to" whenever you feel loneliness. I'm not a doctor but I'm sure as hell a fucking human being so hear me out. You probably visit these sites to temporary ease yourself from this discomfort because of the fact that there's no one with you in your life. Like, there's no one significant for you to go out of your way to do things out of comfort. For example, someone you can care about, talk to, and do things with you without any backlash. And I just want to say that it's okay to have no one with you. It's okay. I'm alone just like you but I won't let that become an excuse for not doing things that I want to do. Fuck no. I'm me and I get to choose what I want. I don't let my flaws get the best of me when there's so much to get from life. As human beings, We all have this urge to get rid of this discomfort of being lonely. It's a natural instinct that we all possess. Yes, even animals too. And so, we tend to lash it out onto things that can become addictive. Such as alcohol, drugs, porn, or whatever mind-stimulating thing that can kill the instinctive addiction like porn. Max, you're projecting yourself onto a negative aspect which can later affect your life. For one, it's a good thing you're taking a stand to confront the fact that you're lonely: which a lot of people don't do, so kudos on that. Two, the most important thing to take away from our responses on this website is that there are people who are willing to help. You're not THAT insignificant to the world but you sure as hell are living, breathing, and experiencing the world just as we are. We might not look alike, we might not think alike, but we all shed the same color of blood. In the end, we are all human beings. Billions of people who are willing to listen to what you have to say and feel, you gotta feel something from that. Right? Three, there's no shame in asking about a humanistic feature that we all possess. Sure, it seems awkward or "off" to talk about these particular emotions, feelings, conditions, but think of it this way. It's so ingrained into our minds that no one else is feeling the way that you do because we internalize everything that we perceive in our lives. Plus, I personally think that men have it way harder than women do when it comes to loneliness. It's a touchy subject and a lot of guys don't talk about it as much because it will seem weird, weak, and unattractive. In the end, communication is key to destroy loneliness. I hoped I helped and sorry for rambling for so long.