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Young women old man looking

Discussion in 'Partner Support' started by 21yearsin, Mar 24, 2018.

  1. 21yearsin

    21yearsin Fapstronaut

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    My husband is a recovering PA and trying to recover from being a Gawker/Ogler. He doesn't just "notice" a woman he REALLY takes the time to look. I don't go out with him anymore because of it. Haven't in years. He is being honest with me but it seems the ladies are getting younger like 20's and he's 61. It's worrisome to me as sometimes they are 18-20. It hurts my feelings I'm a very good looking 48. 5 '7 125 34D . When they become younger than our youngest daughter (26) it becomes very problematic for me.

    Anyone else have this issue?

    His father was also a gawker so I see where he learned this behavior
     
  2. Jennica

    Jennica Fapstronaut

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    Yes, this is something that I see as quite common. And quite frankly for me I have such an issue with the “teen” stuff. I think a part of it (I know for my hubby) was the older he got it became worse, he was fighting his own mortality with getting older and wanting to think he still “had it”.
    I don’t think these two things mix well.
     
  3. 21yearsin

    21yearsin Fapstronaut

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    Yes, this is something that I see as quite common. And quite frankly for me I have such an issue with the “teen” stuff. I think a part of it (I know for my hubby) was the older he got it became worse, he was fighting his own mortality with getting older and wanting to think he still “had it”.
    I don’t think these two things mix well.


    I never really looked at it that way "fighting their own mortality" seems stupid to me as we all age and life sucks. My husband claims to never have sought out teen porn but we all now most porn actresses are teens or very young 20's
     
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  4. Jennica

    Jennica Fapstronaut

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    I never had an issue getting older until all of this. I always looked forward to becoming a strong mature matriarch, (I come from a matriarchal Irish family) that to me only comes with age.
     
    21yearsin likes this.
  5. 21yearsin

    21yearsin Fapstronaut

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    I kind of did but this has made it WAY worse, I truly don't know how to cope with getting older anymore
     
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  6. Jennica

    Jennica Fapstronaut

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    Me neither, trying to figure that out myself.
     
    21yearsin likes this.
  7. kropo82

    kropo82 Fapstronaut

    Thanks @Kenzi (though I was a little nervous when I saw you had tagged me in a thread titled "Young women old man looking"). My list of ogling threads is here.
     
    GG2002, 21yearsin and Kenzi like this.
  8. Runtilmylegsdropoff

    Runtilmylegsdropoff Fapstronaut

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    I think all guys gawk. Some just do it better surreptitiously than others.
     
  9. 21yearsin

    21yearsin Fapstronaut

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    He has 3
     
  10. Kenzi

    Kenzi Fapstronaut

    I did say that *those men tend* as in not all men without daughters do, and not all men with daughters don't.
    Mine has three daughters also and he was a avid ogler.... Hence all my threads.
    But it is more likely, although in some unfortunate circumstances, you get one like one of ours.
    I'm sorry he is on this side of the fence.
    My condolences.
    It really throws a wrench in it.
     
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  11. GG2002

    GG2002 Fapstronaut

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    As someone who had a relationship with a PMO addict and has dated plenty of non addicts, almost all men are going to notice an attractive woman, heck I notice attractive women, but what a PMO addict does is different. It’s fine to look and then move on. The addict I dated gawked like it was obvious, creepy and embarrassing and at pretty much anything that has a pulse and is even remotely good looking. Totally different.
     
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  12. Runtilmylegsdropoff

    Runtilmylegsdropoff Fapstronaut

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    So basically like creepy Joe Biden huh.
    [​IMG]
     
  13. GG2002

    GG2002 Fapstronaut

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    I don’t think the women he ogles are any younger that the women he’s always Oggled he’s just older and so it gets creepier. He always checked out 18 year olds. It was just not as creepy at 30 as at 60. Studies show men are attracted to youth and as someone mentioned it does help them feel younger, but biologically I have read it’s about reproduction. In any event as women many of us are attracted to people physically that are our age. So at 40 I don’t look at an 18 year old and think he’s hot, my attraction changes with age, most men do not get that. That’s why you see 80year old men gawking at 20 year olds. I experienced the ogling and also the youth obsession. He would not date women his age or even close. I was 8 years younger, and look young (I get carded on the regular at 40) but I did not look like I did at 25 and at 25 i looked 18. He would pull pics off Facebook from when I was 25 and save them to his phone but no current pictures. When I called him out and said I don’t look that anymore he said well you could you could lose weight (I was 5 pounds heavier) and I said sure but I can’t age in reverse 10 years. He does not have kids. The issue I see with PMO gawkers and normal checking out women is that addicts go further than just saying she’s hot and moving on. Addicts have unrealistic standards and expectations for what they seek sexually. So if most men could have the ideal women just for sex for one night, who would they pick? A 40 year old me, or a 20 year old? Most probably the latter. But relationships and sexuality have so much more involved than sex and attractiveness, non addicts see this, addicts don’t.
     
  14. GG2002

    GG2002 Fapstronaut

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    Don’t know I’ve never met him. But most women can tell if a guy’s creepy in person so I could tell then. And the guys btw have no idea they act or look creepy.
     
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  15. 21yearsin

    21yearsin Fapstronaut

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    It does and it makes things really difficult. Part of me just blows it off when he tells me - at least he tells me the other part of me hurts pretty bad.
     
  16. 21yearsin

    21yearsin Fapstronaut

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    True when we met I was 23 he was 37 but I looked probably 17.
     
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  17. 21yearsin

    21yearsin Fapstronaut

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    NO
     
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  18. GG2002

    GG2002 Fapstronaut

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    I think its funny how guys that are creepy don’t know they are, and the guys they think are creepy women don’t think are :). A few months back my best friend and I went to a party, she’s the same age, married with three kids, me single and unmarried. There was this guy there that was SO creepy. He was literally starting at us like we were pieces of meat, and his wife was right next to him. Neither of us said a word to each other, but as soon as we got in the car we both blurted out OMG that guy is so creepy, what is wrong with him. Dudes we know if you are creepy even if you do not.
     
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  19. GG2002

    GG2002 Fapstronaut

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    So he admits that he ogles? Is he trying to work on it? My ex was not an ogler until he gave up porn. I mean he would look once in a while, but not ogling. He denied it, until my Mother called him out. The ogling was really bad when he first quit porn. So I wonder how far your parter is out from PMO? I understand you not wanting to go out with him, but I wonder if you actually going out with him, and pointing out when he is ogling would help? It would be painful for you no doubt. But would it work? The thing that I see coming through on a lot of these threads is that the men need to see the issue as a problem, and they need to want to change it. We make the mistake of thinking that they will change because they see we are in pain, because we would if they were. But for many sadly our pain alone is not enough to change the behavior. I have read a lot about functional fixedness and I think many of the addicts on her suffer from it. Meaning if it works for them, why stop? What if you went along with him, and called him out loudly and embarrassingly no matter who was there? Would that be enough personal pain for him to stop? The bottom line though is that they need to want to change,and what I see on here is many many men that don’t. If the ogling is a brief thing as part of his recovery, I can understand that, and it will likely pass, but if its not, then I think your only solution is to take another approach to try to show him how bad his behavior is. I mean the girls he is looking at, think hes totally CREEPY!
     
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  20. TryingToHeal

    TryingToHeal Fapstronaut

    Same here. I'm in my 30s and it never bothered me before and now thinking about getting older, it does, which makes me sad.
     
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