Is "hardmode" really that hard?

As a first-timer, I haven't experienced it (check my counter). However, I am personally not concerned about entering an asexual state. I'm aware of all the downsides, but I consider the lack of interest a neutral issue. Maybe it means my body is recovering, or maybe it means I'm broken on a deeper level - it just means that I won't be physiologically driven to M, or MO, or PMO. Once your figure out if something is physiological, psychological, or something else-ological, you can take steps to curb it.

Then again, I'm prone to being analytical about things.

 

what exactly is hard mode?

 

From the glossary:

Hard Mode: Rebooting without any sexual release (even via a partner)

 

The experience varies in each man.

My longest streak was 150 days. After I relapsed, I did basically hardcore binging and relapsed a lot. I wasn't feeling asexual at all. I was constantly battling urges especially within my first 10 days of my longest relapse, after that, flatline came which was easier... then 150 days was too much for me, hence hardcore binge relapse.

I noticed that in the long streak, my desire to have sex was pretty powerful. I wish I were in your shoes, brother! The longer you go into the streak, a lot of men noticed that their desire to have natural sex with women increase while the desire to watch porn/masturbation decreases.

After I relapsed, my desire to have sex decreased while my desire to masturbate increased. So I know I need to get back to the natural desire to have sex.

My experience was opposite of yours, but it varies in each man. Some men have flatline for MONTHS. Others for just only few days. Some have total asexual feelings, others get into hypersexuality. It depends in each man.

Honestly I would rather be asexual only during the reboot to let my body HEAL, with no urges. Having strong urges doesn't make the reboot be easy in my own opinion, but it's a way of the body's healing.

 

I had that happen in December but it wasn't far into a streak, the 1st 20 days of a streak I had no urges at all but in every other way I was 100% normal.

Right now I'm on day 10 and have been trying to sleep for 2 hours but the urge won't let me because it's consuming me whole. I'm also having all the side effects you described

 

I did PMO. I had some intimacy with a girl once a week even though it wasnt full sex.
Couple of weeks I felt the same symptoms as you describe. But another couple of weeks those hard feelings went away. But I met a counselor weekly. I also worked out. Now I am 41 days, I dont have any of hard feelings. 100 days with hard feelings would be too much.... But I am sorry but why would anyone do 100+ days of hard mode.... Sorry I dont get it

 

It is helpful for people who has PIED. It usually takes longer than 90 plus days for the reboot to heal the PIED.

 

I'm 8 months 'hard mode' and right now I feel no sexual desire at all. I don't know why is this, maybe because of depression I have, or maybe it's so called 'flatline'. Actually when I look back to all these 8 months, abstaining from PMO was much easier when I expected at first. Most days I feel like I had orgasm 2 days ago or so. However there are some days when I feel increased sexual urges, but these are rare and they are fully in control. It might be that asexuality comes because I have no sex partner and normal sexual relationships are not possible for me at the moment. From other side I miss porn (but not masturbation). If I could I'd be back to porn universe the same day. Only my willpower keeps me away from it.

 

I'm about to reach 100 days hard mode by default since I'm a dateless virgin wonder.

I honestly don't think I've had that much trouble. No temptation to have sex since I don't have the means, so I suppose that is the perk of being a wallflower.

But I'm also not finding it too hard to tell the brain to shove it when the urges do come. So yeah, hard mode hasn't been too hard for me in terms of urges.

I would agree that mood swings which come and go give me a worse time than the urges. But I had those moods when I PMO'd anyway so it's a moot point.

 

Sex is a natural thing. It is part of your overall well being equation.
I agree the more you search for it the bad it gets ....
I suggest you fill your life with habits, activities, commitments that leads you to real people, real topics, real experiences.
Because that is how you will meet real people and they will meet the real you, and that is the only way to form new real relationships

It need not be real sex. Even some liking, or flirting, complementing can trigger wonderful sexual feelings in you. IMHO that is key for your recovery and rewiring.

I am not an expert but this is what I would do...

 

It's hard to say, I had depression episodes about 2 years ago and back then I even didn't realized my porn addiction. With the help of medication and psychoterapy I got somehow better, but few months ago the depression worsened again and I'm basically at the same level now I was 2 years ago. When I have severe depression episodes my libido is definitely reduced to almost zero. But the last few years I live with depression and it's been up and down all the time. My current 8 months 'hard mode' is my first and the only attempt to quit PMO so far. I already had a depression before abstaining from PMO.

As for social anxiety, I think I always had a social anxiety, but after abstaining from PMO I started to feel some general anxiety, I wouldn't say it's specifically social related, but just a feeling. It's like a panic attack, but somehow weaker and much more prolonged. Usually it's followed with hot flashes and fatigue afterwards. This is new for me and I think it might be related with abstinence from PMO or maybe even hormones. I started to take antidepressants about 6 weeks ago, so it's now reduced, but I still feel it sometimes, as well as mood swings during the day (depression in, depression out). My energy levels fluctuates a lot too, from being very tired and wanting to lay in bed doing nothing to being too much energized. And this changes from day to day too. One day I feel no energy at all, the second day I can't find a place and feeling restless, etc. And I have no idea if these are depression symptoms or these are withdrawals from PMO. I think they all come together, it's impossible to separate, it's just a consequences of overstimulated and very tired nervous system I think.

 

I don't know, but I doubt it. I occasionally have days where I just feel terrible about myself and my life, but they're usually gone the next day.

I more likely have social anxiety, but again it's not diagnosed.

 

I attended group psychotherapy (5-7 persons in the group + psychotherapist) for 1.5 years. The group psychotherapy success depends from the group itself and the relationships inside the group. Sometimes it works well, sometimes not. Our group was succesfull and it worked very well for me because I had problems socializing, getting in relationship with other people, tend to escape from reality, etc. Also it helped me to understand other people better. I think for those with social anxiety group psychotherapy might be more usefull than individual psychotherapy. I never tried individual psychotherapy, but plan to do this this year.

As for antidepressants, I have very mixed experience with AD. The real problem with them are side effects. But at least they offer some psychological support, when I'm on medication I know I'm doing something and I feel somehow less anxious. It's important to find the right drug or drug combination that works best for you, but it takes time.

 

I've had untreated depression and anxiety since my early teens, probably stemming from what has been diagnosed as Autism Spectrum Disorder (I underwent the whole battery of tests to get the results, but people who deal in it had little doubt upon meeting me). I was on SSRIs for a few years, but had to stop because of some dissociation. The only thing I'm using at present is Quetiapine, as a sleep aid and something my Doctor hopes will 'slow down' my thinking.

I'm not concerned about the possible depression or loss of libido during Hard Mode, because those are things I can live with. I'll be a lot more concerned if, at the end of however long, I'm still without confidence and largely invisible as a human being. These are issues I had long before PMO, so we'll see.

Hard Mode isn't for everyone, and unless you really need to make it one, this isn't a competition with anyone else.