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Forgiveness?

Discussion in 'Partner Support' started by Deleted Account, Feb 16, 2018.

  1. Well done for having the courage to leave, that must've been difficult. I respect that decision. We had our second "date" today (hand-holding only). Like you, I know he hasn't understood the impact of this on me, as a woman, and as a best friend for 3 yrs. But he is showing signs of really trying hard. He's joined the forum although we've agreed not to read each other's posts and we are talking about what we're learning/how we're feeling etc. I swapped my engagement ring to a different finger and am sleeping in the spare bedroom. I need to show him I'm serious and i think he believes me. But he's still not getting it. He asked me about a time-frame (for attempting sex) last night - I can't give him one. He's worried he'll not perform and get anxious. I'm worried that I can't take much more of his not performing and give up.

    Thank you all for responding x
     
  2. TryingHard2Change

    TryingHard2Change Distinguished Fapstronaut

    @TinaK: give your PA my name...if he is willing, I would be happy to talk with him / interact with him / help him along this journey of recovering from porn addiction and trying to rebuild the relationship.
     
    Real Roboin, GG2002 and Jennica like this.
  3. Jagliana

    Jagliana Fapstronaut

    Yep, still helping him now and putting myself my healing on hold.

    Same, I can not truthfully say that I can ever really forgive. I forgave once already, was promised changed only to have another hit 10 years later!
     
  4. Real Roboin

    Real Roboin Fapstronaut

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  5. 21yearsin

    21yearsin Fapstronaut

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    Not sure about forgiveness yet, only been 6 weeks says he's clean, he joined NF yesterday we'll see.... my anger and pain is still too fresh
     
  6. Real Roboin

    Real Roboin Fapstronaut

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    I dont want to be negative, just got a notice in december porn was searched through my facebook. He swear he isnt doing anything and hell, he has been doing this for over 22 years. Eating this shit sandwich sucks. I was pissed I recorded him and yep he has it timed in the mornings so he can masturbate while i take kids to school.
     
  7. TryingHard2Change

    TryingHard2Change Distinguished Fapstronaut

    This isn't you being negative .. this is you walking through these painful moments with your NoFap community. I am so sorry to hear this.....is your PA on NoFap?
     
    kropo82 and 21yearsin like this.
  8. 21yearsin

    21yearsin Fapstronaut

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    I'm so sorry hugs to you. I understand the feeling and you're not being negative you are allowed to feel what you feel.
     
  9. Real Roboin

    Real Roboin Fapstronaut

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    I think I am done, I was reading most women say it never ends. It' physiological abuse, my therapist said. To hubs it' a big game and tired of my sex life sucking. I will never be sex starved again .all the other women he' had fantasized about makes me puke.
     
    Deleted Account likes this.
  10. TryingHard2Change

    TryingHard2Change Distinguished Fapstronaut

    Sorry to hear that...you deserve better. I hope you can walk through the difficult decisions and find peace and hapiness on the other side.
     
    Real Roboin likes this.
  11. Real Roboin

    Real Roboin Fapstronaut

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    Thank you and how are you doing? I never thought Id learn more than I needed to know about all this.. Proud of your 101 days
     
  12. TryingHard2Change

    TryingHard2Change Distinguished Fapstronaut

    Thanks. I am doing so so. I don't know how much of my story you know..it's long.

    Today, this morning..I have been up since 4:30AM--couldn't fall back asleep .. It is now 7:45AM. I am tired.

    Happy it's Friday -- so there's that.
     
    Real Roboin likes this.
  13. Real Roboin

    Real Roboin Fapstronaut

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    Where do I read your story?
     
  14. TryingHard2Change

    TryingHard2Change Distinguished Fapstronaut

  15. ThatGirlMarceline

    ThatGirlMarceline Fapstronaut

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    From my experience, when DDay happened in November 2016 with my ex I felt just as destroyed as you all were when I found all the material on his phone. He lied to me about it and also lied to me about why he couldn't do anything for me. He had ED and sensitivity issues. He did have depression and strong medication, but he didn't turn to me anymore sexually. Those days were over. Porn was easier to get and for less effort to get the good dopamine hit.

    For an entire year after it destroyed my trust with him. It made me distant. I lashed out more under the constant stress. Once or twice a month we would do something sexually but in the last couple months it felt more like a chore and I couldn't get aroused anymore. The second time I found material after he said he "quit", of course I broke down again. This was in August 2017. Finding it the second time destroyed me more than the first time. I believed his lies again!

    Between August and November we fought constantly and he tried to rush me. I felt like I couldn't talk to him because he felt like I should get over myself and my insecurities. He blamed it on me. He told me things like either I choose to deal with him watching porn or leave. He threatened suicide over it. He threatened to watch porn again because "what's the point". The nail in the coffin, on our breakup day, was him telling me in the middle of a fight that he would rather sleep with someone else than with me.

    Some partners can go through this when both people want to move forward. Some partners can't if the person watching it doesn't want to stop. But in the end to answer your question, I couldn't forgive him and I couldn't forgive his actions and what he said. I still don't. I'm still going through trauma. It's up to you if he is worth it or not.
     
    Real Roboin likes this.
  16. Real Roboin

    Real Roboin Fapstronaut

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    When the blame us, that is not being remorseful and that is a sign of still using.
     
  17. 21yearsin

    21yearsin Fapstronaut

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    This Yes I got blamed so many times underhandedly so it didn't look obvious that he was blaming me and that's when I recognized the gaslighting that had been going on too.
     
    ThatGirlMarceline likes this.
  18. Real Roboin

    Real Roboin Fapstronaut

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    All the dopamine on the brain turns them into monsters, seriously and the entitlement. I was like WTF who are you...???
     
  19. Real Roboin

    Real Roboin Fapstronaut

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    I got tired of the horrible sex, no rise and work...... I can tell now what he is doing how he hides it etc... The good ole days use to be it just got up, well with other men never had a issue having to get a erection and now i know why there always was on. Dam masturbator, I not against self pleasure but to the point you destroy your penis.. well now
     
    Deleted Account and 21yearsin like this.
  20. Real Roboin

    Real Roboin Fapstronaut

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    I was so happy i thought he had quit..........the lies and lies and lies and lies.... Trauma, you name it.. the lies are the worst then you start wonder what else they have lied about
     

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