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How do you even start?

Discussion in 'New to NoFap' started by MrAJ, Feb 27, 2018.

  1. MrAJ

    MrAJ Fapstronaut

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    Hey there,

    Well, now that I'm here and trying to write I find myself not knowing how to put it into words...

    I'm 28, male and married, happily. I have a good job, a good home and a good family. I'm blessed in ways a lot of people aren't. And yet, I feel like I'm living a lie due to this damn porn addiction.

    I started masturbating a normal age at 14, maybe like twice a week. That was fine, I had girlfriends and a healthy sex life with them. And then I think it was about 18/19 when I noticed that number went up to once a day.

    I didn't even think of anything because I was still happy and enjoying life. It's been a process of years but I knew I had a problem by the time I was 24 and I was actively fighting urges (fights I ultimately lost).

    I start looking at more and more hard-core questionable stuff and it terrifies me because it's not who I am. Not who I ever want to be. Not what I ever want to do. I know I would kill myself before I ever became what my demons masturbate to.

    The last straw was just a few days ago, I masterbated 4 times in the space of hours and I was sore after. That night, I couldn't even have sex with my wife because I was sexually exhausted and that was it.

    My demons and shame are my own and have never affected those I love but now it is and I need help. Every suggestion I read said to come here because the community is great.

    I hope so because I feel physically sick when I look at myself in the mirror, not because I'm overweight or ugly but I see the darkness that lies beneath and it disgusts me.

    How do I start? Is it pure will power? Is there a cure or will the awful urges always be there?

    I'm sorry and thank you, for any help.
     
    Last edited: Feb 27, 2018
  2. Septimus

    Septimus Fapstronaut

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    Welcome @MrAJ, I'm glad you're here.

    No, it isn't "pure will power." No, there isn't a "cure."

    So how does it work?

    I think it's part will; you have to really hate this addiction and want to be rid of it.

    I think it's part being smart; it helps to learn about the problem, so you understand better what's happening.

    It's part having a good plan. Look around, you'll see lots of guidance here on that.

    It's a lot about connecting with other people. Porn and masturbation are relationship substitutes. Choose the real thing. And I don't mean sex by relationship. I mean, relate with people.

    Finally, I believe it's all about God's grace. Not everyone here believes in God, so that's up to them; but that's what I believe.
     
    MrAJ likes this.
  3. MrAJ

    MrAJ Fapstronaut

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    @Septimus,

    Thanks for replying man, good to know we're not alone. I've already read through other people's progress and made my changes to my lifestyle.

    I've stopped drinking casually, I worked out for the first time in a year today and ground up every bit of junk food that was in my house.

    If I can't beat the urges then I'll make due with learning how to suppress them and/or live with then without acting upon them.

    Thank you again brother.
     
  4. JJackson

    JJackson Fapstronaut

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    One piece of knowledge that helped me is simply knowing the fact that It gets easier the longer you stay clean.

    Your brain as an addict has literally been wired differently because you've seen so much porn (simplified that for time) so if you stop there is a literal rewire process that happens which will make you less reliant on porn.

    As for how to start you need to just stay away from porn which is easy enough until you get urges. At that point common things you'll hear that'll help are Meditation, exercise and cold showers which are great but personally I found that everyone has things in their personal life that help them.

    For example I have a playlist of music that just brings me back to mentally when I have urges. A friend of mine calls his girlfriend and just talks to her, just anything to keep him from looking at porn.

    So you'll have to find things that work for you. Like if you were with your wife do u think u would walk away from her just to watch porn? If not then just going to her while your having an urge would help you. Or if u have kids, would u be able to look at porn if they were around? If not then keeping pictures of them on your phone to look at might help keep you away.

    Just know that each time you have and urge and fight it you're making real progress.

    Just so you know I'm only 18 and I've been trying to get clean since 13 so take what I said with a grain of salt.

    Good luck!
     

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