Breaking up because of flatlining

Not broken up but after my wife had our second child her libido went right out the window and is yet to come back. In her words sex has become painful and we are limited to once every few months. This led to an increase in looking at P for me which only made it worse at it got to the stage where when he had sex I couldnt finish whilst having sex with her. A really horrible spiral which led me to this website.
But we're still together and I think you've got to find the person you love you have to have that patience and understanding even though I KNOW how necessary sex is in a relationship. It's just how you feel about the person and whether you think a relationship can last with limited sex.
But then again that's why we come to nofap I guess.

 

That's fair enough, the last thing you'd want to do is end the relationship badly with him rather then on good terms. Who knows it could come back and end up working out for you.

 

Don't let it end like this. Meet up with him, and develop closeness. Everybody can manage when things work perfectly, but managing when things go awry is when you learn for real.

There are ways to circumvent this problem -
Step 1: Maintain a routine of activities which includes exercising (heavy weight exercises) and chatting w/o digital intervention (I mean there should be no involvement of any audio-visual digital medium)
Step 2: Do activities together and talk with each other about random shit (news, GK would be great)
-Make it a point to have a day of the week to yourselves (no distractions, nothing)
Step 3: Start with FANOS
Step 4: Practice Karezza Sex

Practice it for 90 days (as a strict regimen) and see how it goes. Since you are friends I feel that it is doable.

Sex should not be the primary ingredient of a long term relationship. The secret is to be comfortable with each other. Also there are ways of satisfying a woman's sexual needs without indulging in sex.

 

If this is what works for the two of you then that is great and I wish you both good luck. My BF and I have been together for 15 years. We've dealt with a flatline and it sucks, but as long as he is working on his PA and stays PM free I will stay and support him. I agree that sex is important and he is willing to do things for me if he can't get it up. Though most of the time I'd rather wait for him to be ready. I have found that sex is less important than I use to think, I do have a fairly high drive though. I think my almost frantic need for sex with him was due to his PMO. Now that he is working on himself and we are really opening up and communicating I find that while I still want it often and won't turn him down, I don't have that consuming need for sex.

 

Just remember that he won't know unless you say. I suggest you introduce him to these things casually.

 

I feel like this affects me as well. We never abstained from sex after finding out-so we have never had a flatlining period. But I find, even though I feel my libido is higher than average for a woman, that it skyrockets whenever he has a relapse. Maybe its because I need reassurance? I dont know, but its not as fun as normal. I feel desperate, anxious, and so sexual its incredibly annoying ans depressing. I feel what I imagine feeling manic is like.

 

This is something familiar that I went throughout after my hubby’s infidelity it’s known as hysterical bonding. It through me for loop so I learned quite a bit about it during that time. You’ll find more about in affair recovery. I can definitely see it with PA as well, I’m surprised I have read about with the PA betrayal trauma but mostly with Affair betrayal Trauma.

This link kinda sums it up.
http://www.businessinsider.com/hysterical-bonding-after-breakup-2017-11

 

Part of that makes sense to me, most of it does not apply, kind of scary though.

 

I figured a lot wouldn’t apply (but this article seemed to have a lot of good points about it) but when you read between the lines at least for me. The breakup part is morning the relationship you thought you had and everything that goes with that those feelings.
It’s not necessarily an physical affair but for me it was actually physically cheating and an on line porn affair. I went through quite an intense hysterical bonding for about a year, I’m sure for some SO’s it may not be the case and if so it may “lower level”.
I just wanted point out those feelings you describe have a name, it’s something that’s quite surprisingly normal part of betrayal trauma. I know it threw me for loop, I couldn’t figure out why I was behaving and feeling that way, I wasn’t comfortable with it, I was angry and hurt and I didn’t want him to think I was rewarding him for his behavior at the same time.
I hope I’m making sense, still trying to wake up.

 

It does help knowing that I'm not having a completely bizarre reaction. We are almost to a year and I can feel it tapering off....the insane libido. I'm becoming more typical of myself despite health issues.

Its interesting, I had the same thought, I didn't want to reward the bad behavior..... I didn't really control myself in that regard either. I told him something to the effect that i had decided to deal with those feelings the same way I wanted him to deal with intense desires when he had them. Within our relationship not with a screen. Or really even trying to suppress them. I think that makes sense. I really hope he does the next time he gets compelled.