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Moving on, dealing with bitterness + hatred

Discussion in 'Loneliness' started by Infensus, Jan 19, 2018.

  1. Infensus

    Infensus Fapstronaut

    Wanted to take advantage of an anonymous platform to get a few things off my chest I can't really open up about to others I know to as it would impact those parties.

    A big part of my descent into progressively more violent porn and regular masturbation has been down to extreme cynicism I've developed from past relationship and friendship failures. I had to take a break from uni last year due to a complete mental breakdown. Long story short, I fell head over heels in love with this girl, a very close friend decided he liked her too, she didn't like either of us, she liked a guy who didn't like her, things were said, tears were shed, many friends were lost and many people were hurt. All that was said and forgiven months ago... at least in principle. I was at a social event tonight and one of the parties involved was there, we maintain civility, and I believe they have more or less let it go. But I can't. I find myself consumed with hatred on a daily basis, and really embittered about it, I want to let it go, but can't. Same with her. I loved her, in all honesty I still do love her even though I've not spoken to her for over a year.

    I can't let things go, I hold and remember every detail. Sometimes I even get torn up about my highschool sweetheart despite not gaving any contact with her for 6 years. Or being bullied as a child, or one unfair thing that happened in primary (elementary) school. I clutch onto the negative things in life and forget all the positive, I latch onto hate, hating my failures, and hating other people.

    The biggest consequence of this is that I have developed massive trust issues, and I actively avoid friendships and relationships with women especially because for me the pain of loneliness is more bearable than the prospect of being hurt or rejected again. All the other issues in my life, be them to do with porn or depression or otherwise stem from this issue of bitterness and hate.

    How can I truly forgive and forget? How can I let go of all the negativity, bitterness and cynicism? Most importantly, how can I love others? I forgot how to do that a long time ago.

    I know that's a bit heavy and a long rant, but I appreciate any input.

    Thanks,
    Infensus
     
    PornFreeMe likes this.


  2. Kidding. But that's what it reminded me of. Anyways, we are human beings and we "feel". Obviously, you know what events caused you to feel this way and you've made a choice (Yes a Choice) to allow them to continue to affect you.

    Everything is a choice, you can choose to allow this to control you and your life or you can choose to let it go and move forward.

    A wise monkey taught me this when I was little.

     
    Knighthawk and Infensus like this.
  3. Infensus

    Infensus Fapstronaut

    @Merovingian Disney movies can be suprisingly insightful it seems!
     
  4. Hitto

    Hitto Fapstronaut

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    You have to realize all these thoughts of the past and future are not real and stop identifying with because it's the ego and not your true self whenever we have negative thoughts we are not staying present all thoughts of guilt are from the past and all thoughts of the future bring anxiety learn to be more mindful of your thoughts and focus more on your body your breathe those things will help you stay present this takes a lot of practice I'm still learning but I've learned how negative thoughts do not result in positive action I've realized how I'm my own worst enemy and how my thoughts are not always who I am get the book Eckhart Tolle power of now I think it will help also just practice becoming aware of your thoughts and keep doing NoFap it will give you a lot more clarity and patience once you learn how to love yourself all your relationships will get better
     
    dragonslayer and Infensus like this.
  5. All of that is like golden.
     
    Hitto and Infensus like this.
  6. HopeFaith

    HopeFaith Fapstronaut

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    Your head can not tell your heart what to do. Only your hearts can love and forgive. But in order to do this you need to start loving yourself first: deeply and profoundly. If you feel internal emptiness it means you are not connected very well with your body, soul and heart.

    The way to change that is to start exposing yourself to messages filed with love like those in Louise Hay books.... and go to constelation therapy to open urself up to wide range of feelings. Once you get in touch with all your feelings and heal your deep emotional wounds..... love will start flowing again in your life.
     
    Last edited: Jan 24, 2018
    Infensus likes this.
  7. fapequalsdeath

    fapequalsdeath Fapstronaut

  8. dragonslayer

    dragonslayer Fapstronaut

    I've had similar experience and just to avoid getting disappointed by people, I have this tendency to keep my distance. I have many friends but no one close.
    I've realized that I too hold on to bad experiences and not give the good moments much importance. That has caused me a lot of loneliness and had pushed me to extreme porn and masturbation.

    But recently I've started doing mindful meditation using this app, Headspace and I've started working on various aspects of my life. Being mindful is definitely helping me to act in a way that I am aware about what I'm doing right and wrong. Also, it has helped me to let go of many past bitter experience and also to take some tough decisions thinking about my future.

    I would recommend meditating and practicing letting go of thoughts and emotions when they start to go in a loop. The trick is to be aware of it. Normally you wouldn't. Without some practice it's very hard to not go in the loop.

    Keeping distance from bitter people and experience is not wrong but in the process we overlook the good qualities too. Without being aware of our thoughts and emotions and their arising, it's very hard to not go on auto pilot mode.

    Good luck. Peace.
     
    Infensus likes this.

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