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How much sex is too much?

Discussion in 'Porn Addiction' started by Aryangor, Sep 4, 2014.

  1. I agree with you. The problem is that it works. Is it right, is it wrong, is it the best or the worst method, the thing that matters for me is that it works. I try to get healthy for the same reason I started NoFap. Because I know I improve. I can run faster, I can run longer. The food that I eat is less processed, more natural it nourishes me better. I am less the puppet of advertisement and marketing. Or at least I like to think so. Losing weight is bonus, I realize it now. I think that trying to define your own beauty by yourself is impossible, vain, and quite pointless. I completely agree that this is my very own opinion. I think that humans are looking for love. Even if love can look like pleasure. When we feel pleasure, we say "it's good". I think that what is good is love. I don't think there's an "objective beauty", because of the very correct arguments you cite; however I may have a tendency to think that there is "one objective beauty per human being". I've noticed something, and that's pissing me off a lot, and I don't understand it. Most of the girls I'm physically attracted to, and a hell lot of boys, look like my parents in a way. This girl has my mother's jaw; this boy has eyes the same shape as my father's eyes. And on top of that, there is a lot of physical features that can be found in many people I like - not all of course, but things like fat lips, pale eyes, a particular jawline and some broad shoulders. It's not related to evolution theories, it's just mu own definition of beauty, without a "perfection" - nobody is ever perfect, and one can always be more beautiful. I don't know the difference between someone hot, someone extremely hot, and someone that'd make me orgasm at first sight.

    I agree too, because of my own tastes and triggers. Mystery is hot. I never liked to look at fully nude porn. That's why I am saying that I don't fully understand myself, because on one side I completely relate, like I feel that I'm reading my own mind, to what you say, and on the other, all I want for myself is to be able to go in the streets without fearing to puke if I catch my reflection in a window. I want to be able to wear a mini and to show my tummy. Probably is it based on others, because I know I have assets that an important part of the male population appreciate, but why do I want this for myself? When I look at concert videos, and Bianca moves her hips, and she lifts her tshirt to reveal her tummy, I kicks me in the guts. I forces me to pause to get my breath back. That's what I want. To reveal without revealing. To have the confidence to know inside of you that you're hot - hell, you've worked so hard for it - and still appreciate the immediate reward of showing the work you made in a visible way. When I say I want to go in the streets dressed like a slut, I'm talking about MY kind of slut, of course. I won't list my triggers because this is a PMO quitting forum, but for instance, one of the fucking hottest things on Earth is women in baggy pants, sportswear, gangsta rap kinda thing. It drives me crazy, because of the mix of assurance from the girls that they're hot enough to be able to wear such things comfortably. A jogging and a crop top, now that kills me. I don't mean a minishort and too much skin exposed. "Slut" for me is precisely what I just said: a perfect mix of the assurance of being attractive, in an outfit that isn't supposed to be.

    I don't know why I only base myself on the expectation that the spectator is a female. Perhaps precisely because men are more prone to act like freaks and I know I won't shag any girl.

    Rah this rings so true. There's no way to know. That's why I chose to do it regarding my own tastes. I prefer girls that are thin (or society makes me think so, the result is the same), fit, and confident. So naturally, it's what I'm thriving for. I want to become it.

    What if she thinks the same? If it really is society that controls us, she's part of the society after all. Maybe her too is struggling to project her own vision.

    Yes, it's enjoyable. Hard to admit hehe. But it makes you ask the question. Why do endorphins exist? Why has exercise to be enjoyable? Why do we get a reward for it? Is it for said evolutionary theories? What's the real reason for it? And why do some people don't feel the need to exercise then?

    It's an interesting way to view humans. I think that I am too religious to view us as "objects" - soul and all - but I understand what you mean.

    I'm struggling extremely hard with that. For some reasons I am perfectly unable to explain, I cannot think like this. Which is paradoxical as my entire life I've been overweight, mildly wanting to look better, but a happy child regarding this, and it's only in my teenage years after have been bullied for my weight and my attitude towards it that I got extremely depressed and instead of trying to change stuff, complained in my excuses. I also tend to view this from a religious point of view - my body being a gift from God, etc I pass you the details. But what I fear if I stop to think like that, is that I drop everything. I mean I was so CONVINCED I was happy when I was PMOing. I thought I was so happy. Suicidal yes, but shit, it felt so good. When I ask myself why I want to be fit, I realize that as much as my relation to others (including God) is for an extreme broad part of it, I want to do if for myself. I want to look hot and fit because I love hot and fit people. I want to look fit, because inside I feel strong and I want my corporal shell to reflect that inside I'm strong. I want the best for me - best food, best feelings, best love, best body possible for my limits - because now I realize I'm just as worth it than anyone in the world. Including the people I worship for their appearances. Is this determined by the society?... Is it just human?... Or is it just pride.
     
  2. Ekhangel

    Ekhangel Fapstronaut

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    Sure, I feel that too since I started feeding myself better and working out/going to the pool (especially the pool where stamina progress is more visible and more motivating). It enhances your self-esteem by giving you a sense of accomplishment - at the same time discouraging from masturbation (also works great as means to channel your sexual drive). Perhaps there is this particular and objective personal point of balance at which a person feels good with him/herself. I'm not sure, really, I'm still exploring, and it certainly is interesting.

    There's nothing to worry about your preferential ties to your parents. I have a similar thing with my mom - I dislike skinny women, preferring more "solid-built" ones, like my mother is. It actually makes me happy, since it somehow (probably very slightly) increases chances of my future wife being "compatible" with my mommy in terms of character. I don't know if this is an "evolutionary theory", but it certainly makes sense in terms of preservation of genes.

    Now, coming down to the "society" and "socially-induced standards" - this tends to be misleading. What is a "society" after all? Nothing but a tiny number of self-aware and self-secure individuals and the great populace masses following in the footsteps of the former. Perhaps self-awareness and self-security are inherent features that are genetically predefined. Perhaps there is an interrelation between confidence and good looks (see: constitutionalism). I don't really know.

    I also don't have an idea on who that Bianca is, but judging from what you've said she's yet another product of the contemporary pop-culture behind which stands an entire industry that provides an unlimited supply of girls like that, for which the "soul" matters nothing and for which promoting the "sexy lifestyle" is a huge, multi-level marketing strategy to sell their products.
     

  3. It reminds me of a question we got asked in philosophy class in high school. Can't we actually do anything not by interest? Acts of heroism, love, religion, being "good", being hot and fit, is it really all by interest? You can always find a reason to do what you to, as uninterested it might appears. Someone who saved a stranger life, for example. Is he unconsciously wanting the glory and recognition that come out of his action?

    Why am I abstaining from PMO? Is it uninterested? No of course, because I do it to be happier. And by being happier, I hope to find someone to love. I want to be loved. I want people to look at me and think, "this girl is successful". After-all we're just animals. The more evolved and intelligent animals, but animals, he. Are we only vowed to reproduce. Or have we evolved to the point that it is too much. We don't thrive for survival of species anymore, but for pleasure. Christ, I'd give an arm to see what humanity would be if sex wasn't pleasurable but instinctive. I know WHY it's pleasurable. But I'm sure that if it wasn't, it'd change absolutely everything. Sex is more important than power and money for me.

    This is perhaps the question that fascinates me the more in the world.


    I'm reassured about my mom. It's funny, my mom is thin, always had been, she masters herself, which I've never been able to achieve. It doesn't surprise me now that all the female body types I prefer are similar to my mother. I mean I still think it's a bit sick and disgusting but hey, if it's natural and evolutionary.


    Bianca is her. The one who's talking, with the Michael Jackson tshirt. I agree in spirit, being a singer she has no choice but to be mass product, but she's different, because she's an artist, a writer, and a feminist. I love her to death because I wanna be her. I want to be an artist, a writer, a strong confident woman (perhaps does she cries in her pillow at night, who knows). I don't have any musical talent and it's killing me. I have several personas that I use to be able to write, and my persona Dagmar is a lot inspired by her. She obsesses me and I know it because I represent her in quasi-all my drawings and works. Work which by the way is extremely clearly inspired by hers, to the point that I wondered if it wasn't legally plagiarism. It's her who made me start NoFap. Anyway she's not normal, she's special, and that's the precise reason I'm attracted by her. She's not like Katy Perry or Lady Gaga (not that this girls are empty), not even like Beyoncé. She doesn't promote any lifestyle. She's hot because she is. And she's not "super fit" or whatever. She's normal, but with below absolute zero sense of shame. It's all in her fashion. I fell in love with her personality first, with her work, her lyrics. She kinda reveals having been abused by family members and the poetic way she tells about it broke me down. I preferred her sister Sierra first, the other girl with the ice eyes. I'm sorry to talk about this all; but it's important in the discussion because she's definitely not a marketing product other than using her voice on a musical background and to sell the product. She's an artist and a thinker first and foremost. And that is how I respect her the most. Everything flows from this. Physical appearance, hotness, style and stuff: I love it because I lover her mind. And we disagree on SO many points. So it's just a question of compatibility I guess. It's the same for Yolandi Vi$$er, the girl rapper from the band Die Andwoort. Her personality is hot, which makes her body hot. Am I even making sense?

    This link was interesting but I'm not smart enough (yet?) to fully understand it - thank you for providing it though!

    It's funny; while waiting for your answer, I'm looking at videos of One Direction and Justin Bieber. I'm neither a fan nor a hater - I just thin the musics are catchy. But I feel that these are the kind of boys "for which the "soul" matters nothing and for which promoting the "sexy lifestyle" is a huge, multi-level marketing strategy to sell their products", like you said. In the supermarket near my home they sell Christmas Advent calendars and some chocolate-covered biscuits One Direction. I wonder what'd be like if these guys weren't cute and muscled.
     
  4. e5s

    e5s Fapstronaut

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    It hurts to hear about this preoccupation with body image, worried over whether you "have the body" to wear one thing or another. It's a disease that gets worse in the city and affluent areas. I remember feeling so out of place and dumpy in the city, even though I was wearing what passed as nice at home, and walking around in the same body that was plenty "hot" for less glamorous towns.

    A mature human gets right the heck over what other people wear and what other people think. I may not be attracted by my spherical coworker's choice to wear skin-tight Lycra, but that's my problem, not hers. The correct response is to ignore it. Same with the fashion among older ladies in my town to wear loose, low-cut shirts (why? younger women don't do this?) but again, the onus is on me to avert the eyes from sun-damaged octogenarian areolas. And you know what? I'm going to wear what I want regardless of whether I feel toned enough for it. It's one of the perks of not living on a Hollywood set.
     
  5. Ekhangel

    Ekhangel Fapstronaut

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    Well, I am ignoring it in a way that I'm not telling anyone what he or she should wear. But as female environments are my market for finding a future wife, I am obviously going to observe and evaluate the market trends in regard to my subjective aesthetic preferences. I myself care about how I look like and what I wear, because each of us of contributes that way to the overall image of the city that he lives in. I love my city, its parks, lakes and architecture and don't want to spoil that image by wearing tracksuit and messy hair for a Sunday autumn walk in my favorite park. I want my clothing to express the values I stand behind. Same goes for my wife. And so I obviously will not like her being too flashy. The rest of the girls indeed have the right to wear whatever they want, just as I have the right to despise them for it (but frankly, this does not happen often. Girls around here rather know their limits; I don't mind shorts/short skirts at summer because I know they're just comfortable for them, even though they are challenging to me.... That is indeed my problem). I would never impose prohibitions in that area, I believe culture should be formed by appealing, not prevention or any form of regulations.

    The most noticeable cases for "cultural decadence" may be seen in night clubbing areas in the town. There women clothe themselves specifically to attract sexual attention. It is their choice. I don't blame the clothing itself, but the bitchiness associated with clubbing. The tight skirts and revealing tops only serve a specific, quite obvious purpose. But then, I just avoid these areas, so my peace of mind is maintained anyway.

    EDIT: After reading e5s' post more closely I realized it was more about body-clothing compatibility, not the aesthetics. I hit the "ethics" button too quick, I guess. Ah, whatever.
     
    Last edited: Sep 30, 2014
  6. Oh wow, the thread went way off from its original topic ))))

    Maybe create another topic titled "How should women dress in public and why?"
     
  7. Ekhangel

    Ekhangel Fapstronaut

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    Naah, this's been already discussed too much on this forum... But yeah, let's stay on topic.
     
  8. abra

    abra Fapstronaut

    I have a question, what does "casual sex" mean ?
    I tried to define it in opposition to relationships but there are many sorts of them.
     
  9. Here is another response that backs up my argument and atempts to disprove the little-sex-is-bad-for-you approach:

    http://sarahisawriter.tumblr.com/post/105152515930/christians-stop-staying-pure-till-marriage
     
  10. monkotto

    monkotto Fapstronaut

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    in my very best days: 3 hookers one after another - afterwards - at home 3 times fapping (all this action in one day with some alcohol and lots of food).

    ok i want to be honest here - some boost/help with viagra/sextasy - only a half pill. :)

    and now sitting here and reading stuff in this forum. damn i am a good boy. what happened to me?!

    how much sex is too much sex? i think this is too much sex.
     
  11. Yikes!

    Are you happy with the change now? Or do you regret that you are less active?
     
  12. monkotto

    monkotto Fapstronaut

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    i had two good friends like me - we were totally out of control. i was aware that it is not the right way but i was not able to stop. once you get in this swamp it is hard to get out.

    i stopped contact to those guys.

    porn, prostitutes, alcohol, drugs - all this is harmful. it destroys you mentally.

    life is boring now but i am sure i will get used to it. :cool:
     

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