Women and PMO. (Or, MO.)

I am very happy to say that I struggled with it, as it isn't the case anymore.

Personally, it was all about porn. I love porn, I really do. It fulfils all my fantasies, all my secret desires. Everything I'll never try in real life, exists in porn. Weirdly enough, the very first thing I found when I looked for porn in the first place (haha it was pathetic, I remember now) was a twink gay tumblr. So I saw hardcore stuff at first. I remember accidentally stumble upon an anal penetration of a girl a year ago and it made me physically ill, I thought about it for a month and had nightmares, I don't know why. To this point I remain convince that anal porn with women that aren't consenting is "to avoid at all cost". But with guys... It's just hot. There's no other way, so perhaps that can explain.

I started to watch porn, and got that masturbation existed only a while after. It was the Revelation, holy damn I remember, I thought I had discover Eldorado. I never, ever had imagined that such pleasure was possible. But then religious guilt kicked in, and coupled to below absolute zero self-esteem, I naturally came to conclusion that I was worthless of living and that only cutting was making as alive as PMO did - and I had 8 orgasms a day at this time.

Thank you for sharing your story. For me, masturbation leaded me to cut myself. It's interesting to have opposite experiences!

Congratulations for your wedding, I wish you and your future husband the best in the world!

The question you ask is tremendously interesting. I may be more on the side of "it's emotions". I started because of pure, intense, raw loneliness, and an absolute NEED to know what it looked like - curiosity at its best. Is it really normal for anybody? Do we all have a reason to masturbate that isn't linked to our feelings?

 

Sorry I'm really really drunk so I forgot to type some words in my last post.

I can only speak in my own experience, but my past and personality definitely lead me to porn. Being bullied at 11 - just when I started getting my periods, coincidence? - broke me forever. I thought I would never be loved by anyone, and that I'd never be able to love. Interestingly enough, I was prude to unhealthy extremes. Didn't wanted to hear a word about puberty. It scared me to death. I wanted to discover it by myself. I went with the only boyfriend I ever had when I was in hospital due to porn-induced depression (by the way nothign stopped me at the hospital, watched loads of porn, it just made me meet some anorexic girls and that moved me to tears), and it sucked, I had a physical blockage. I couldn't do anything with him because I didn't wanted him and I didn't loved him. I wasn't against the idea of TRYING the stuff. I just couldn't do it. Thank God he was respectful and didn't raped me.

I definitely agree with you for the second part. I think it's destructive and counter-productive to think that way. Weirdly enough, again in my experience, I was the only one to look at porn and masturbate. I never understood that. My boyfriend wasn't interested in either, neither was my best friend, and my boyfriend's best friend has never masturbated. I was THE ONE that masturbated. I was the one that knew all about porn and MO. My friends were having sex, but PMO was out of their lives.

I no longer cut, and hope I never will. I have scars from it, and I remember way too much this time I went too far and thought I was going to need stitches. Quitting helped me out of that and it's one of the reasons why I will never go back to it. I can't. I just can't, it's impossible. The problem is that cutting is just as addictive as PMO. Just talking about it... It gives me chills. The adrenaline. The pain, feeling alive. It's so incredibly destructive. I am baffled and grateful to be out of that.

I will give this extremely interesting thread a better answer tomorrow - I am mortified to say that I am too drunk to perform for now. Thank you for asking this questions, I sometimes feel that female PMO is understated.

 

I know that both men and women can suffer from unhealthy sexual habits. Patterns get started and they can be hard to break, no matter which gender you happen to be. We're all human, and we all have amazing higher faculties that can help us to break bad habits under the right conditions.

However, from a developmental psychology perspective, (and this humans have in common with many animals) there is a difference between "outies" vs "innies". Most adolescent boys will discover MO on their own, without any "corrupting" influence, because the sensitive parts are exposed. During fetal development, masculinization of the brain, caused by the same flood of hormones that physically shapes the genitals, sets the stage for a process that leads to wet dreams and urges in puberty. This is a natural process that leads eventually to adulthood. Growth in the parts of the brain that make self-control possible happens during puberty too, and continues well into adulthood. Yes, it's more than possible to rise above, but warnings about teen wildness are kinda based on reality. Adolescent girls have all sorts of issues too, but they're less likely to discover self-stimulation spontaneously, so fewer girls than boys end up with an MO habit. Not to say it can't happen to girls (it does) it's just less common. Being less likely to start early, it's less likely to become a problem later (because of growing self-control). This doesn't make the issue any less of a problem for those who do have it, it just explains the difference in numbers places like here.

It's worth noting that biological sex determination isn't an all-or-nothing proposition. It's more of a spectrum with bimodal distribution, i.e., most of us fall on one extreme or the other, but all sorts of unusual things can happen during development that land a person in the awkward space between norms. Chemicals in the water, genetic mutations, no shame in this, but it affects sexual development too. (Weird that we all know it's wrong to mock someone for being albino, but an intersexed person somehow makes a socially acceptable target.) Anyway, with all the modern goop in our environment that's never been seen on the planet before, we're living in one giant, uncontrolled, biochemical experiment. We're going to have to cope with consequences never seen before. Deal with matters as they stand.

We have to accept people's own narrative regarding their experience of the world, their sexuality, their struggles. Stigmas and stereotypes are useless. Struggling with PMO addiction or mental illness or anything else, it shouldn't come with any more shame than struggling with a physical ailment. Unfortunately, society's moralists tend to obsess on a few topics, driving shame to the point that private thoughts are treated as moral transgressions, which robs us of the tools to deal with them constructively. Bringing feelings out into the open, that's the only way to start. Casting light onto a room full of obstacles makes it a much safer place to pass through. It's important to feel safe enough to cast that light, must dispense with both needless shame and the protective denial of reality to avoid shame.

 

It's easier for women to stop PMO.

 

Walk in my adidas for a mile. Then we'll talk about it. This kind of generality has not its place in such a forum.

Your explanation was extremely interesting e5s, I did not knew thank you. Incredible to see how it's developed since the very beginning.

 

"This kind of generality has not its place in such a forum"

Generalisation or not, its the damn TRUTH!

Oh btw you know you can just ignore me, right?

 

No it's not true, I don't even get why you would say it's true. An addiction is an addiction, and it's hard, period. It's as hard for us than it is for you. There's no contest for "it's harder for me than for you" etc. Idk what you're trying to prove, but you're wrong. Or at least, I believe you are. Contrary to you I have the humility to recognize that what I say is only entitled to my own experience.

No I refuse to ignore you, because it feels that you ask for it every time you post, and because I believe that you are dangerous to me with your beliefs. Have a nive day.

 

You and I have the same idea about porn not being the issue. The root of it all is lust and fantasy of course. Glad to see great men and women here trying to bring people to a better understanding of the cause of their addiction

 

..agreed. It really is about lust. Regardless of being man or woman, we all have natural sexual desires, and P gives us a peek into what living out such desires would be like.

Thing is, it all ends up being just a never-ending fantasy that continues escalating and growing to feed on our most darkest and disgusting thoughts. Many people that actually go and act out their fantasies end up disappointed by the real life experience being different from what they'd imagined.

 

Though I'm a guy, I identify with MO being what I feel is my main issue. The O was the "hit," the moment where I exhaled peacefully because I felt all the self-criticizing voices quiet for a moment, and the anxieties melt away, and I felt perfectly relaxed. The feeling of me touching myself was comforting and sometimes I could, and preferred to, MO without porn or even fantasy - just me touching myself. If it weren't always followed by a feeling of emptiness, darkness and increased self-hatred, I never would have wanted to stop.

I have met women whose addiction is mostly MO. One lady who briefly joined a recovery group I'm in said she used MO in her car everywhere; in parking garages, even at graveyards at times to do it alone in her car away from other people (and her partner at home). She used a lot of fantasy, as I have, and she said a really eerie but memorable thing: "I've spent my entire life in fantasy." She didn't stay, but that's stayed with me, and I'm trying hard to heed her advice and not take her same path.