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Anybody else have no alternative to PMO?

Discussion in 'Porn Addiction' started by learning, Jan 2, 2018.

  1. So you have no life, can't use your own savings, and your brother gets 2.5 times the money.

    NO WONDER your 2 year streak in 2009 didn't stop the depression - you've got lots of other stuff to be depressed about.

    Your brother is using you, pure and simple. Sad fact. Some people will take advantage of the fact that other people give a crap about them. I've got some of those preying on me, too. I'm desperately trying trying to cut them off - but they might end up homeless if I do. Though probably not - they have relatives. I have to tell myself this and learn to say no.

    You have to think of yourself - do you have enough savings to indulge in being your brother's keeper? it doesn't sound like it.
     
    Saskia Simone, learning, LilD and 2 others like this.
  2. Inactive User

    Inactive User Fapstronaut

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    What? You would never "do that" to your brother? Have you even thought about what he is doing to you? More importantly, have you even considered what you are doing to him by letting him continue to act that way? You will be doing him a favor by gently telling him you can't live this way anymore and that you want to be in control of your own life. It sounds like he needs a reality check and needs to figure out how to either (1) treat others better, or (2) survive on his own. Those are the only two options.

    It won't be easy, but I think it will be a huge step in clearing the depression and getting a grip on life. I would strongly recommend reading Boundaries by Cloud and Townsend. If you don't want to buy it, I can send you sections of it. All the best of luck.
     
    learning and LilD like this.
  3. GG2002

    GG2002 Fapstronaut

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    Until you are dead in the ground you can change your life and it’s really never too late. You are not too old to date, you are not too old to change careers you have much more life to live. My Mom got her college degree at 56.
    I do read a lot of depression. I think you have numbed it with Pmo and while I fully support legalization of weed I have seen it make some people’s deoression worse if you don’t get the right blend. If you are in a state where it’s Legal go to a good shop they can help you.
    I’m female but several men in my life have had mid life crisis around your age. No they did not go out and buy a car. It was more of a realization of their own morality that caused them to assess their own lives.
    I also think being single is fine if it makes you happy. But I’m not sure it does. If you have never been in a relationship how do you know that’s not what you want? Do you think it’s fear of being hurt? Or of letting go of pmo? If pmo takes up that much time in your life then partner or not you have a good reason to stop.

    It may sound cheesy but sit down and write out some goals and how you are going to reach them. Goal one needs to be seeking out a counselor to address your depression. Some others I would suggest is a career counselor and a lawyer to advise you on business. You may not have a ton of time but the time you spent on pmo spend that on something you really want to do. Volunteer your time. This may allow you to get some unpaid experience at a new type of work and see what you like, it will allow you to meet others and likely give you perspective. I began volunteering with wounded soldiers in a very low unhappy point in my life. It changed me, and I still do it for that reason it gave me so much perspective on how blessed I was.

    Sock some money away for a rainy day or goal. Even if it’s just a little bit. People that are happy decide to be happy everyday. They are not just poof happy. Don’t let fear or others hold you back.
     
    learning and JamesWarrior like this.
  4. Yes, I forgot about this. The depression and anxiety I got from weed drove me to use alcohol, instead. That turned out to be a real bad idea, too.
     
    Jennica likes this.
  5. GG2002

    GG2002 Fapstronaut

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    First excuse my typo, on depression, as I age seeing things from my phone is harder and harder :). But yes I have seen a lot of people whose depression gets worse when they smoke or ingest marijuana in some manner. Sometimes it is people that are on anti depressants, and mix the two creating a miserable combination. Or it happens because it does depress the central nervous system, and so that can make depression worse. I think it is good for some people. I certainly think it is a better choice for pain management than opioids. But if you are using it to try to mask a problem it’s bad news, whether that is porn, weed, alcohol etc. Even those that take anti depressants need to deal with their issues not just medicate them. Because I am in a state where it is legal, we do have many medical smoke shops with owners that are quite knowledgable in what blend to use for what condition. That still does not mean it will work, but if you intend on using it for depression it is certainly worth looking into.
     
    learning likes this.
  6. Hi mr. @learning
    Thanks for sharing your story here.
    Reading through the posts there are a few things I want to reflect on.

    • Your real problem is not your depression, or the bad relationship with your brother, it's your insecurity, your lack of self esteem.
    • It surprises me reading that when you prayed to your father, you got some peace and relieve. I am a believer and praying is a very important thing in my life. So, why not try that again? It will relieve you again.
    • I wonder if you have processed and mourned about the loss of your father. Isn't that also a part that keeps you depressed?
    • I can see that anxiety is a big part in your life (and it is next to that lack of self esteem) because you are scared to quit that shit business with your brother. You are too afraid to become honest about your real feelings. And yes, that is causing lots of pressures. And too much pressure lead to de-pression. You defenitely need to be freed from that barrage of burden.
    So mr. Learning, you need to go back to basic. I really hope you 'll find the courage to make that decision. YOu have nothing to lose, because everything is already lost in this crap situation.
     
    Last edited: Jan 3, 2018
  7. TC10

    TC10 Fapstronaut

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    Another thing that popped up in my mind. I don’t know if you like animals, but I’ve heard many stories of people who where a bit lonely who bought a dog or a cat. An animal, especially a dog, can help so much against loneliness. You can walk with, play and talk with it. Just an idea tough...

    I don’t know you personally, so I am not able to give perfect advice, but it could be a good idea to do something with other people (visit a church, or a pub. A place where you can meet other people. I don’t know what’s possible in the place where you live). I know that can be scary, but it always turns out fun.
     
    learning likes this.
  8. learning

    learning Fapstronaut

    Thanks, everybody for those good suggestions. I see a therapist every 2 or 3 weeks, and tomorrow is the day. A problem I have is that I'm just so overwhelmed and worried all the time about this business that I don't have energy to think about improvements. My dad used to say that it was like trying to stay ahead of the train (before it runs over you). It's the end of the year and the end of the month, and I have a cold too.

    I think one of the draws of PMO is that it doesn't take much energy or inspiration to get a short escape from depressing realities. Probably it is that way for everybody I bet. It's just that I'm getting older, so the escapism is a bigger factor than the hormones. LOL, I was noticing that sometimes when I watch porn I will start admiring a painting hanging on the wall or wondering if people live in that house or how do they keep their furniture clean and so forth... silly I guess. :) I'm a pretty silly person.
     
    JamesWarrior likes this.
  9. Well may I wish you good luck for tomorrow.

    Sometimes we behave a bit silly, but that doesn't mean we are silly...
     
    Saskia Simone and learning like this.
  10. JamesWarrior

    JamesWarrior Fapstronaut

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    Feel free to PM me any time if you want to talk about anything @learning I will be watching your journey, all the best.
     
    learning likes this.
  11. Porn Free Wanderer

    Porn Free Wanderer Fapstronaut

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    Sometimes the best way to avoid being run over by that train is to jump off the tracks and run in a completely different direction.

    I also have to say that I cannot agree with the recommendations to use weed or other drugs to reduce anxiety at this point. If ever there was a situation where someone needed to get angry it's this one.
     
    LilD and learning like this.
  12. LilD

    LilD Fapstronaut

    But watching porn is not a sexual act.
     
    Porn Free Wanderer and learning like this.
  13. Sorry but I wasn't made to use porn.
     
  14. learning

    learning Fapstronaut

    Unfortunately, I doubt if I can be moderate. I always plan on just a little but it goes on and on for hours.

    What you suggested about hobbies is good advice. I just left my therapist and she always suggested similar things.
     
    Immature and Porn Free Wanderer like this.
  15. Vũ Việt Anh

    Vũ Việt Anh New Fapstronaut

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    i bet you only stare at the screen watching porn like watching an action movie with a box of popcorn and not doing anything. How enjoyable !!!
     
    learning likes this.
  16. Vũ Việt Anh

    Vũ Việt Anh New Fapstronaut

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    You clearly didn't understand the sentence. i don't indicate you was made to watching porn. AND your answer sound like you're being offended AF
     
  17. learning

    learning Fapstronaut

    FWIW, @Vũ Việt Anh , I think you made some good points in your post. Things are never simple unfortunately, and it's good to consider the problem from all angles IMO. :)
     
    Immature likes this.
  18. The only one I see here seeming to be offended is you :p

    Indeed, that's exactly what I did in the past. That's called edging.

    But it seems your post is deleted, so.... never mind.
     
  19. rishi123

    rishi123 Fapstronaut

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    be busy with other activities, helping others, reading books, spirituality, travelling etc...that you dont have time for PMO
     
    learning likes this.

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