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Performance anxiety and PIED: Do they go hand in hand. What is your experience

Discussion in 'Porn-Induced Sexual Dysfunctions' started by Happy Man, Dec 14, 2017.

  1. Happy Man

    Happy Man Fapstronaut

    I feel like I'm 85 percent healed. There are times when I have performance anxiety and lose my erection. If I feel she does not love me in that moment, I lose my erection (obviously the girl loves me but it's just that moment). I have to feel the love and connection at all times before I can get hard. When I was younger and had less access to porn, with a girl I can get hard even when I feel nervious and feel no love.

    Also with girls I just met, there is a high chance I can not get it up. I need to be comfortable and relaxed first. It take me about 30 minutes to an hour to get hard for sex. After the second or third time, getting hard is easy.

    I wondering if performance anxiety is linked to PIED. I wonder if there is a pattern between the two. If you dont have this experience, I still like to hear from your experience's.

    My question is, have you guys experienced the same thing?
     
  2. Kurenai

    Kurenai Fapstronaut

    I had a lot of Ed with one of my ex. Difficulties getting an erecting, keeping it, and using a condom. Some times I needed like 15 minutes just cuddling to relax and be able to perform.
    Than with my ex, the Ed was a really minor problem: I still needed stimulus to get it up, still different from when I was 20 yo, but it was way better overall.
    What a changed? That the sexual affinity with my ex was great!
    So yes, pied can go along with paed, and with other things too, like love.
     
    Happy Man likes this.
  3. GG2002

    GG2002 Fapstronaut

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    I am a woman but I’ve dated a lot and my ex was a PMO addict with performance anxiety. Do I think they are linked? I think a man can not be addicted to PMO or even watch it regularly and then they have a bad experience with a girl meaning they can’t perform just because it’s a new partner and he’s nervous or he’s tired or drunk but the failure to perform gives him anxiety and so he becomes so anxious about having sex he avoids it all together and turns to porn. Or he uses porn to cope with his anxiety even though he continues to be with partners not just porn.
    But when you have both it’s sort of the whole which came first? By eliminating PMO for as long as you have (congrats by the way) you have eliminated PMO as the cause so it’s gotta be the anxiety. Do you have general anxiety? Do you over think things in general, can you not turn your mind off? It may be hard for you but learn to be present in the moment. Don’t worry about if she loves you or what she’s thinking or if you can perform etc. think about what you are feeling physically in that moment don’t let your mind be anywhere but right there.

    As far as a new partner many men have difficulties with erections the first time you have sex or even the first few times. Women know that, it’s quite normal. The first few times there’s is going to be ED, DE or PE. You are nervous so are we yours just is more visible. So cut yourself a break. It will get better and we ladies know a lot more than you think, and we know it will get better.
     
  4. Happy Man

    Happy Man Fapstronaut

    I think your right :). Having PIED does cause anciety, especially if you were flat lining before.

    Also I notice when I'm hard and I have a thought in my mind, I lose my erection. When I last had sex, my ex said something and I became nervious. I quickly lost my erection. If she did something or said something I was uncomfortable with, I lose my erection. When I'm in the moment everything is working, like you said.

    Thanks for the reply, I feel like I understand myself a bit more now.
     
    Immature and GG2002 like this.
  5. BraveBear

    BraveBear Fapstronaut

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    Oh dude, they can totally be interconnected.

    My experience: not a super big dick > no confidence > pmo much easier > pmo resulting in pied > when finally in real sexual situations, worrying about "ability to please" > inability to maintain erection > depression > pmo > pied...it's all tied together. I haven't had an O for 16 days, and I'm already feeling WAYYY more confident around women.
     
    julianstone likes this.
  6. BraveBear

    BraveBear Fapstronaut

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    Best solution for this is, in my experience:
    1) be with someone who you can be honest and vulnerable with
    2) discuss your temporary issue and get verbal confirmation that you don't always have to "be totally hard" to please them...
    3) don't make it a bigger issue than it needs to be, this affects a lot of dudes and pmo further reinforces the belief that good sex is only about penetration and there's nothing more to it...which is of course not the case.
     
    GG2002 likes this.
  7. gaink

    gaink Fapstronaut

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    i'm newly married (+3 weeks) and i think experience in pied :(
    its difficult for me getting hard in front of her, although we did kissing, touching, and foreplay stuff
    when i want to penetrate, even my d not hard (only semihard), of course hard to penetrate (she still virgin). so thats why i please her with fingering etc.
    about 10 days ago, she tried to mastrbate me, and my d was rock solid until i ejaculate
    now, i try to no pmo until my brain rewiring, hope this will helped me a lot since i get frustrate through this condition
     
    Happy Man likes this.
  8. GG2002

    GG2002 Fapstronaut

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    Stopping the PMO is almost certainly your solution, and if it is not, what do you have to lose in at least trying? The good thing is you recognized the problem early on and can fix this early on. Far too many men and couples have no idea PIED is a problem, and even therapists don’t bring it up with them, and it ends relationships that it should not have to. You are way ahead of the game. Best of luck to you!
     
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  9. GG2002

    GG2002 Fapstronaut

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    As a female I have posted about the false impressions that porn gives men about sex. Men who often think their member is small, are judging it based on the members they have seen in porn. Women who have actually slept with men that are not in porn, are unlikely to see your member as small. Check out the research on what is normal and how many women are unsatisifed with the size of their man’s members, it’s VERY low, but in the same surveys the men say they are unsatisifed with their size. I think it’s a sword competion among men lol. Women love your size, and you hate it. Imagine a super skinny woman telling you she is fat all the time? That’s what a man who thinks he has a small member but does not is to most women. It also creates the impression that other men last for hours in bed, when in reality the time from penetration to O is about 5-8 minutes for most men. So then there are men who think that have PE, but don’t. Lots of anxiety among men created by A totally inaccurate impression of what other men do in bed. And #3 while I totally agree with you that you must be honest and discuss your issue, and that sex is a lot more than penetration, I also caution men to think that if they cannot penetrate that women are okay with that. I faced that a lot on this thread. I was told over and over that i needed to accept that my ex could not orgasm from intercourse and that it was selfish of me to want to have what I felt was normal sex. I can assure you that I tried to accept this, and I did feel guilty for wanting it. But after speaking to countless women and men, this is what most people desire, penetrative sex. It does not really matter where that desire comes from, just that it is. For me I decided this was too important to me to not have it, I knew I would never be happy in a marriage without it, and that was nothing to feel bad about. Personally if my future husband developed ED in marriage as he aged, or had a physical cause or injury, I think I would be more willing to accept this. But most people want a few years of good sex before it turns to this, and it is different when a man is causing his own ED via PMO.
     
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