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Cold approached someone today

Discussion in 'Dating during a Reboot' started by messanger, Nov 28, 2017.

  1. Rob_B_

    Rob_B_ Fapstronaut

    I try to check out a random new thread every day, just to see what's happening and hopefully broaden my mind a bit. This one turned out to be one of the more curious ones...

    OK, I feel like I wouldn't be doing my job as a decent person, a useful member of the society, not to mention the father of a 20-yo daughter, if I didn't chip in with this:

    'Cold approaching' (as you put it) a girl may well be tough for a guy. But have you ever thought about it from the girl's perspective, what it must be like not being able to go from A to B without a bunch of guys 'cold approaching' her? Some of them may well be perfectly harmless, others may have a hard time taking 'no' for an answer, others still may be something far worse than that. And since she can't necessarily tell the difference, she has to always be on her guard. No wonder the sales of rape alarms, mace sprays, etc. are going through the roof.

    To me it seems that 'cold approaching' girls at random is a point somewhere on the same continuum as 'lurking with intent, 'being a public nuisance', 'stalking', 'harassment', etc.

    I'm not sure you should all be egging each other on to go out and do more 'cold approaching'. You should try to get to know a girl as a person, not an object you need to hit on. And if you then, with time, both find that you like each other's company and want to take things further, you're far more likely to get onto a winner that way, than by standing on a street corner and trying to chat up every girl that passes by.

    To paraphrase the great philosopher Groucho Marx, I personally wouldn't want to go out with any girl who I've managed to pick up by 'cold approaching'.

    Just something to think about...
     
    TheLoneDanger and vxlccm like this.
  2. Caveat Emptor

    Caveat Emptor Distinguished Fapstronaut

    I think you're overreacting a bit. I never go out with the intention of cold approaching someone. I go out to run my errands, get my car washed, go grocery shopping, get a haircut, whatever. I'm not lurking to prey on women. But if I see someone who I think I'd get along with, for whatever reason, why not say hello?

    I'm not encouraging guys to go out and approach every attractive woman they see. I'm saying go about your business, and if you see someone you like, say hi. Be friendly. Don't use corny pick up lines. Just be sincere, and don't expect anything in particular.
    How will I get to know a person if I can't introduce myself? I highly doubt anyone in this thread is planning to proposition a girl for sex in that first encounter when he talks about approaching someone. For me, if I cold approach someone, I hope to come away with a phone number, and then get to know her. And if she doesn't give me a phone number, has a boyfriend, or rejects me for whatever reason, that's fine. I won't lose any sleep over it. I don't think there's any harm in that.

    My parents met at a Starbucks. They had never seen eachother before that day. He held the door open for her and they chatted in line. Now they're married. I consider that a cold approach.

    We're social animals! Talk to the people around you. We all start out as strangers.
     
    pranav02, Reborn16 and Sc8r51o1n like this.
  3. Hitto

    Hitto Fapstronaut

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    Exactly if you know you have a good heart and good intentions who cares what others think
     
    Reborn16 and Caveat Emptor like this.
  4. Reborn16

    Reborn16 Fapstronaut

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    Saw this video in another thread, just a bit more info...

    I think this is very much about how it's done, not whether or not it should be done. This is of course how everyone met before internet (bar arranged marriage).

    And for every girl who's been approached too much, there's one who really wants a good guy to approach. Seriously, I hardly ever see cold approaches in real life where I live, and yet there's countless comments online from women frustrated on how they have to make the first move to meet that guy at the coffee shop.
     
    Caveat Emptor and Hitto like this.
  5. Caveat Emptor

    Caveat Emptor Distinguished Fapstronaut

    Thanks for sharing that video @Reborn16 .

    I recently read something similar to what that gentleman was saying. Something like, "If you complain that only players approach you, its because nice guys are very considerate and don't want to seem creepy, so there are never good opportunities for them to approach! The approach is the hardest part, so if a nice guy does approach you, give him the first 10%. He'll do the rest."
     
    Last edited: Dec 1, 2017
    Reborn16 likes this.
  6. Reborn16

    Reborn16 Fapstronaut

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    Yep that all sounds about right!

    I am still a newb at this, and half the times I've tried I just know I came off as 'creepy'. I would also wait for the perfect opportunity which meant looking at lost of girls and coming up with excuses why I couldn't approach...

    It's been a while since I've tried this, but I remember taking that first 'leap of faith' if you will, instantly reminds us of how easy this actually is.

    Yes the first step is daunting, but once you start you're most of the way there.
     
    Caveat Emptor likes this.
  7. messanger

    messanger Fapstronaut

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    you mentioned "object" in the 4th paragraph, pick up in the 5th. So are you seeing my situation from the pre-conceived idea of pick up?

    Years ago as trainee hairdresser I had to roam the streets everyday talking to girls in order to have a model to practice my skills on , nothing was provided , my success and skillset in hairdressing was something I was responsible for.

    Accordingly , I made a career change that did not allow me time to date or attend social events , because of my outfit and commitment to my clients schedule. So the viable way to stop the victim mentality was to interact with strangers on the street , knowing that ALL my interacts were influenced by my subconscious. and those I went out with "healed" certain aspects of my psyche wounded by the mother's archtype, castrating me years ago. Or old wounds by ex-crushes were reformatted into positive experiences through repetition. A week before I started this , life sent many female friends into my life , and they kept complaining how the men they interacted with never initiated and kept them waiting to the point of frustration....plus you don't know how much I regret not making the move on before I feel attracted to , only to see them pregnant years later ;)
     
    Reborn16 likes this.
  8. Reborn16

    Reborn16 Fapstronaut

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    No doubt many, many girls feel this way.

    Instead of asking the girl out, most guys will go home to porn.

    And on the other end, instead of having good guys ask them out, the girls have to choose from the overly confident/insecure types. Or go home to porn as well.

    Good news: the power is all on us and we can change this any time.
     
    Hitto and Gotham Outlaw like this.
  9. Gotham Outlaw

    Gotham Outlaw Fapstronaut

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    I have to say that I read the last part of that in professor farnsworth's voice. I couldn't agree more that we can change this. Especially since we start getting more looks from women. What else can I do when supermodels start eye banging me?
     
    Reborn16 likes this.
  10. Reborn16

    Reborn16 Fapstronaut

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    lol good news, everyone! :D

    Yes I have a theory actually... Once we start on a good streak and the looks from the ladies start happening.. we're faced with two options. Either act on it (doesn't have to succeed even, just make conversation), or option two have no outlet and relapse.

    Now that's just my thinking, probably only accurate from my streaks.. but I'm trying to use that justification to keep this streak going and talk to women lol.
     

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