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Less Shame, Less Cravings

Discussion in 'Porn Addiction' started by lekasenor, Nov 25, 2017.

  1. Nov 25, 2017 #1
    lekasenor

    lekasenor Fapstronaut

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    Shame is very closely linked to urges and cravings. I always knew this, but not to the extent I recently discovered. We all feel shame after a slip or relapse. Shame also drives us to act out. It’s this toxic cyclical pattern. I recently acted out with porn, but because of all the internal work I’ve done, I was able to say no to shame. Afterwards, I felt the shame attack about to start, but I shut it down. I prayed for it to be removed. I chose other emotions, I participated in other productive activities. But my work therapy also came into play. What I noticed was as long as I kept shutting shame out, there were no cravings. Remarkable. I used to give into shame and then the urges would subsequently follow. I saw how closely they are linked, and this gave me some power. I have not had any intense cravings since the slip, which is really amazing. I’m not trying to say this is a magic pill or anything, but I wanted to share with all of you to show if we work on our shame, we can seriously diminish our urges. I know I will have to face cravings again at some point, but this is a great concept to know.
     
    lekasenor, Nov 25, 2017
    lekasenor, Nov 25, 2017
    #1
    jsg likes this.
  2. Nov 25, 2017 #2
    Champion_warrior

    Champion_warrior Fapstronaut

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    I have read this concept in Willpower instinct by Kelly Mcgonigal that shaming oneself leads to relapse as we turn to our addiction to avoid the bad feeling shaming produce. Self compassion view point which empathize that you are human and relapse can happen and you can start again. But introspection and looking for lessons in your relapse is different from shaming. Introspection on what went wrong will makes you stronger for next time so that next time same mistakes are not committed again.As they say first time you do something wrong its mistake and next time we do same thing its a choice. And we can make better choices.
     
    Champion_warrior, Nov 25, 2017
    Champion_warrior, Nov 25, 2017
    #2
    Jennica and jsg like this.
  3. Nov 27, 2017 #3
    jsg

    jsg Fapstronaut

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    Yup, this is almost universally agreed upon in the addiction literature. Shame is associated with negative movement in all factors of addiction. But guilt is actually associated with positive movement. The best way to understand the difference, in my opinion, is the following. Guilt is saying, "I PMO'd, and I don't want to do that anymore. I did a bad thing." Shame is saying, "I PMO'd, so I'm a bad person." The key point is that it's important to recognize and take responsibility for your mistakes (guilt), but you shouldn't let that influence how you see yourself as a person (shame).
     
    jsg, Nov 27, 2017
    jsg, Nov 27, 2017
    #3
    Champion_warrior likes this.

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