Can't dismiss the memories and thoughts of mindblowing sexual experiences

I can really relate to you!
I'm into these fetishes as well

But you have to release some old beliefs.
I was sure that there is always a buildup, and every day at which I don't fap I'm building up. But it's not exactly like that. After doing nofap for a certain time you BREAK A BARRIER. This could take any number of days. It's not the same as rebooting, but after you break that barrier than your urge to PMO reduces. You still want to, and ofcourse you still want normal sex. But suddenly it's not a huge issue and doesn't take all your strength to do. Also after breaking the barrier you can fall back again.

Right now, at day 57 it's much easier for me than day 10. Way way easier. I can relate to the fetish of denial and abstinence. But in a way it's not like your mind tries to portray it. It's not like you go nofap and from now on it's only a build up till the next orgasm. Thats a junkie's way of looking at things. Denying the next fix so when it comes it will be stronger. You need to let go of that, just in your belief system let go of that. Afterwards the feelings will follow.

 

I've noticed that after starting nofap, I developed a taste for those fetishes also. I did not have them before nofap and just after a relapse is that I noticed that I had them.

I imagine they are a way for the brain to still try to get some sexual outlet, since I'm not PMOing, and eventually, they probably will go away.

Did any of you started with those fetishes after nofap or did you have them previously?

 

Statistics show that couples who enter into a relationship based on sexual excitement tend to suffer the most problems, additionally having a high divorce rate if they ever proceed to marriage. I have been with some women that really blew my mind after a fashion, but even with the developed relationship I had with some of them, sex outside its place had a consistent tendency to damage and destroy that relationship.

The fact that your relationship is reliant on sexual excitement to keep the "intimacy" alive tells me that - and perhaps much to your surprise - that there isn't much intimacy or relationship there at all. Sex is designed as icing on the cake - that is, to supplement and improve a relationship that's already well-founded. This is primarily the reason why it's supposed to be locked away for marriage.

Right now, you're at an impasse. You are starting to discover what sexual purity is all about, but you may not necessarily know what it is important or how to pursue it, or what benefit it might be to you. You have rightly ascertained that pornography is a hollow facsimile of the real thing and by design will eviscerate any man it has sunken its claws into. However, I challenge you to go beyond the surface, beyond the idea that merely eliminating pornography, rather than the root cause of impurity, will improve your life and your relationships.

My relevant history is simple: I've given my heart and my body to women that were not my wife, while searching for a wife to give that heart to. After several relationships (all of which I spent a little bit of my emotional and spiritual capital on), I finally met my beloved princess, who I'm happily marrying in less than a month. Still, the pain from having given myself away in so many ways haunts me, as I know I won't be able to give her a whole heart, but glued-together pieces.

I have been an pornography addict since I was 14. Every woman that I shared this detail with effectively shunned and ostracized me - except for Morgan. This addiction has damaged my self-worth, impacted my relationships, and most especially destroyed my purity. I found myself wholly unable to approach or view women purely or honorably. Even in relationships where I was dedicated, I was also scared, broken, and dependent, and I played a significant role in driving the women in my life away. Subconsciously, they didn't want that, and I can't blame them.

I've told you all of that to tell you this: a relationship based on and reliant to sexual intimacy is no relationship at all. If you're trying to actively end your pornography addiction but can't seem to avoid temptation because your relationship cannot survive time and distance apart without sexuality attached to it, then you've got a dilemma. You know the details better than anyone, but I submit that your problem is, essentially, that you've put the cart before the horse. You do not have a relationship that can survive distance without life support. I know the difference because I've been in several - and the one I'm in now is a fluid, enjoyable, peaceful experience and has been for almost a whole year. Totally different from all the other broken messes I've had over the years, including a three-year long-distance stint.

So, assuming that you're with me to this point and haven't dismissed my statements with something to the effect of, "You just don't understand!", then what do you do about this? If you want your relationship with this woman to be something real and reliable, then talk to her about your addiction and talk to her especially about the need to have a basis on something other than sex. If she's totally turned off by the proposition or effectively demands/requires additional sexual activity, you will be able to, in effect, see the writing on the wall and that sexually-driven relationship is all you'll ever have.

And if that occurs and it completely breaks your heart, then I believe there's hope for you yet.

If you can start to develop something real - some cake instead of some frosting - then you'll discover later on that not only is the deepened friendship, developed trust, and real love worth it, but the sex becomes something more than just sex: it becomes a soul-binding experience.

Moreover, I would strongly consider marriage with this girl. Not necessarily pursue it, but consider it. If she's not someone you would see as marriage potential - rest-of-your-life stuff - then I submit that you have your answers and she's not relationship material. Take that as you will.

Hope you read this far.

 

@takethecharge

Thank you for the Red Pill hint. In the past, I had contact with some PUA material, but I ended up dismissing it for being too manipulative. As I strive to be as honest as I can, I could not really resonate with those previous materials.

Now, reading through the Red Pill thing, I can see this is something different. I still do not agree 100% with everything I encoutered, but I can see some very interesting point being addressed and, as far as I could understand, it focuses in self improvement, which I veemently subscribe. I'm going to apply some of the advice I saw about it.

I also was into femdom before, but I can feel it diminished after some time into NoFap.