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First Blog post of Reboot

Discussion in 'Rebooting - Porn Addiction Recovery' started by sunni123, Sep 2, 2014.

  1. sunni123

    sunni123 Fapstronaut

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    I am now day in day 11 of my reboot. My girlfriend and I took measures to make sure that I do not fall back to a PMO or a MO. The first thing we did was buy NetNanny. For those of you who do not know what that is, it is one of the top Internet Filters in the world, and it blocks pretty much everything. I say pretty much because it blocks all Porno tubes, (redtube, youporn, any premium site) but it wont block advertisements or popups. (not all the time anyway) to get rid of the chance of searching for a website that would bypass, we typed into NetNanny websites we found that would cause artificial stimulation ie, thechive, bro my god, stumbleupon. for my mobile devices, we did install Netnanny on the iphone, however, it is not as effective, although it blocks all porn and nudity sites, it doesnt block advertisements or random websites like hentai. So we then deleted Netnanny and Safari all together, and took off install and delete apps. for my ipad we did not remove safari but put on the "limit Adult content" as well as got rid of delete and install apps. this Limit adult content is alot better than the Netnanny on a device, for it literally does not allow any adult content appear on screen. meaning nudity, lingerie swim wear, porn. nothing.

    So in taking these measures, I got rid of the Opportunity to just browse and search and PMO. We all have desires, you just need to take away the opportunity. But How i feel at the moment is weird, its only 11 days, and I feel empty, semi depressed, my sexual desire is low, I dont have an urge to have sex, I dont know what this means, is this normal? its been 4 days without sex. I am ill at the moment, and I know when I am ill I dont want to have sex because my body doesnt feel good, but maybe thats why? and although I did do something bad and went searching for a hentai on my iphone, and found something (did not masturbate, just to look) I felt nothing. (this led to deleting Netnanny on my phone all together) it wasnt stimulating, i had zero affection toward it. But what made it worse was I did not tell my girlfriend about it, that I found something that Netnanny doesnt block and we should figure out a way to make it not happen. I just didnt tell her, and she found out, and now I feel like crap for not being honest to her about it.

    I have been trying so hard these past 11 days to be honest to her, to tell her eveyrthing. i have been honest, and I have talked to her about everything, every problem, whenever A website comes up and I tell her it needs to be blocked, or when a website is blocked I tell her it blocked one, but this time I didnt, was it fear? the fear of being honest because you can get in trouble if you are telling the truth? I blew it. I also had a moment, where I thought I could find a way to look at porn, to get around the limit adult content on my ipad. I changed my password on my ipad to do something when I got home, however, in how quick I thought about doing something dishonest, I was quick to say no, this is a bad idea, and I just simply forgot about the whole thing. But the changing the passcode was a problem, it showed my gf that I was planning and trying to make effort, and I felt so shitty. Why am I trying to find ways around it, when I want to be honest and to go through with this reboot all the way?

    I have had one urge to PMO these past 11 days, this was because, my girlfriend brought up a good point, what if I were to download the google chrome app on my phone, would it block porn? so I downloaded the chrome and typed in a porn website and boom, before my eyes I saw porn. and that was a terrible feeling. I felt like a drug addict who was inches away of taking a hit. I managed to get over the urge by talking to my girlfriend about the history of Julius Caeser and his war against the Gauls in the 50s BC haha. Besides this moment, I have had no cravings for porn. I dont even want to watch anything. It doesnt turn me on or stimulate me. even when I think about it, I have no reaction to it. Its like as if my mind is purposely emptying my emotions. This emptiness feeling I believe is also causing me to not have a crave to watch porn. which is good cause I dont want to watch porn. but It is also causing me to lose my sex drive. How long will this last?

    With all this happening, I am 11 going on 12 days no PMO or MO. I have had great sex with my gf more than 3 times and had a very great BJ one day.
     
  2. NoFap4000

    NoFap4000 Fapstronaut

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    Welcome here, you are in the right place. In my experience trying to artificially block you from getting your addiction is not the right thing to do. Yes, blocking porn sites will help to control yourself, but belive me you need to stop thinking about porn instead of blocking your way to watching porn. There is a huge difference.

    How to stop thinking about an addiction? There's only one way: filling the empty with other activities.
    Everthing entertaining you and is not harmful is GOOD. Reading, Gardening, Building stuffs, everthing. If you start to workout and eat healthy is even better. Keep you busy!
     
  3. sunni123

    sunni123 Fapstronaut

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    Hello! Thank you for the reply! What I usually do to is read. I bought the complete works of Julius Caeser and that keeps me occupied for the most part. I work out every night, and am maintaining a solid weight. I just feel like, with my brain, even when I am doing something productive, reading, cleaning, playing a video game, porn somehow sneaks by everything else on my mind. As well as sex with my gf, dont get me wrong. but always, it just comes back.
     

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