Someone please help me get over her

You should be thanking her ex. He just saved you years of wasted time with a worthless woman.

"I believe in second chances, just not with me."

Good luck, these situations are hard but you have to be strong -- both for her and yourself. If you take her back, she'll never learn and will do it again.

 

There is much about your situation that you can't control. Don't worry about what you can control, it's foolish and a waste of energy. Focus on what you can control. Be honest with yourself, don't wish things were different, just assess the situation for what it is. Accept that getting hurt is a part of life, and a valuable and welcome part of life, at that.

You have a choice. You can wallow in your self-puty and, years down the line, look back on this moment with sadness or regret, or you can stay strong and look back on it with pride for the strength of character you showed. Take the high road. Hold your head high. Have honour. Smile and forgive -- though don't forget. Be a better person than those who have wronged you.

And remember above all else that whatever happens, be it good or bad, forms the sum of your experiences that makes who you are as a human being, and should therefore be celebrated.

 

Don't try to forget. Don't want to forget. It's about discipline, not about forgetting. Remember, learn, accept your experiences as a part of you, and behave rightfully regardless of how you feel.

 

Come on! How old are you? How can you call a woman you even don't know "worthless"? Sounds to me like she is very insecure.

 

I agree with Erboinq, don't forget. If she was a woman who had a great effect on your life, then learn from it. It's ok that it just didn't work out. You can still look back on the happy times and smile. What you need to focus on is moving on, not forgetting or getting over her.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ETBOdGxkwvQ

 

Happened to me too 2 years ago, anon. I got over it so you can too. I can't really give an advice on how to speed up the process since I just waited it through, but the advice I can give you is: don't fall into desperation. Don't make reckless and shallow relationship choices (esp. chicks over web) as means to "heal the wounds".

My gf actually posted her body on some prostitution website (except for cheating on me with some few other guys), so you can imagine it was quite a blow to me. But you know what? I then figured she just did what I was teaching her for the last 1,5 years of our relationship. Only that I wasn't paying with cash. This was a valuable lesson to me and the main factor that made me despise porn and promiscuity more than ever and commit to sexual restraint. With this conviction I now aim at becoming a better man.

 

I'll tell you how to have a fantastic relationship, now that you're in the position. Be warned: it's not going to come quickly.

Fall in love with your best friend.

No, seriously. The best relationship I ever had was with a girl who I knew for years prior to the relationship. The friendship gives wild life to the romance. It takes some time, though. Let it cultivate. Get out there. Stay away from your computer, away from the porn sites. Avoid your triggers - you know them well, don't even get near them.

Your dream girl will come, never fear. Right now, you have a responsibility to prepare yourself for her. Take all of that energy you would have spent pining and mourning and put it into fierce determination. Stay clean, stay pure, get productive - that's your goal, man.

We got your back, like always! Don't tap!

 

I feel you dude. I just had to concede to a platonic relationship with this great girl I met at school. It does suck, but in the end you've got to try and move on.

 

I agree with Eric, and also take my advice, the advice of an "old" (42) wise man ;-) To look back with a smile was always the best way to overcome a lost of love, or a rejection. Eventually, always think back of the good time you had, and from the rest, learn for the future!!

In general, it is good to live with a "now" attitude. Be happy with whatever is RIGHT NOW. If you meet a girl, then be happy in the same moment - JUST RIGHT NOW. Don't "expect" anything more. This is the way to happy fulfilling life!

 

I would recommend you do some meditation on the side, maybe 10-20 mins daily. there are lots of nice med music vids on youtube to choose from. It will calm you down a lot, make you feel a bit better

 

In this situation, while there is always a lot to work through mentally, you can't just sit around waiting for it to be over. The tried and true advice helps here, where you're physically working through it at the same time.

• Walk around your place and get rid of anything that reminds you of her.
• Delete her phone number, block it if appropriate.
• Delete past conversations, photos, videos (or at least archive them).
• Go see new places, not places you've been together. New restaurants, new walking paths, whatever.
• Meet new people. Acknowledge if/that you're not ready to date yet - it helps take the pretense out of meeting people. Be genuine and open, but refuse to talk about her unless asked to.
• And, of course, be aware of and avoid your triggers. Use another form of stress relief. Think long and hard about how PMO doesn't help the situation.

The worst thing you can do is isolate yourself indoors. You can get through this without relapsing.

 

I divorced after 14 years of attempted marriage. I wanted to give the woman everything, in my own imperfect way, but everything. I could try to describe all her habitual infidelities, emotional and physical, her almost pathological lying but I don't think it's helpful. It would probably just brought back anger and sorrow in me. ... I got over it by various means but for me the single most important tool was meditation: at least 3 times a day, 20-30 minutes, in the vipassana tradition, for more than a year. It has helped me to change the perspective, I see her now as one more suffering sentient being. I don't judge her now.

You have asked what to do. If you mean whether to get together again or not if she repents I don't think anybody can give you an advice. There are too many circumstances we don't know. In my own case I just found it irrational and impossible to try to get together. I am alone now and although I would be glad to find a good woman I would prefer to remain alone than to be again in the snares of a bad relationship.

 

Some relationships last a lifetime, others don,t. Withdrawal from a relationship is the same as withdrawal from PMO. The pain of the withdrawal is dependent on the level of the dependence we have on the relationship. The woman may or may not be insecure, it was my insecurity that caused my pain. Try to find worth within yourself and you will attract the right relationship. One that is not needy and depends on the other person to provide what should be provided by oneself.