How to determine if a woman is lying about body count? (how many people they have had sex with)

It's 2017. A woman's sexual history doesn't matter anymore. Get with the times. Women are all empowered and sheit.

 

Your concern about body count might say more about you than her.
For a relationship to work requires openness. How openly can you talk about your past? How openly does she talk about hers? Bragging is no more being open than silence is!
One valid concern is with STI's. Are you and they healthy? There is no test for body counts, but you can both be tested for infections.
Best of luck.

 

Women, more so than men, are products of their environments. If you want to increase your chances of finding a non-promiscuous woman, you need to look in places where traditional family values are still considered important.

Other than that, pretend like you don't care and are even excited by her sexual past and she may open up about how many guys she's been with. You will still most likely get a lower number, but it'll be closer than if you just ask outright. Women pretty much always lie about this, even in anonymous surveys.

 

A woman will tell you what she thinks she is safe in telling you. Depending on your reaction to her first story, she will go silent or continue with another story. What do you tell her about your life after you hear about hers? You will probably be the one to limit the number of stories you hear. How will her stories strengthen your relationship? How do your stories compliment her stories? It is a form of close dancing with words. It is not easy to do well.

 

How did you get to the conclusion that "Women, more so than men, are products of their environments"? And not to be snarky, but please also address the issue of men PMO'ing so often that is messes up our traditional family values

 

I knew someone would call me out on this!

I've read studies on this, but unfortunately didn't save them and Googling mostly brings up mainstream opinion pieces. That said, here are some bits and pieces to back up my previous statement:

1. It's widely accepted in the social sciences that human female sexuality is more fluid than male sexuality. The best paper I've read on this topic is called Gender Differences in Erotic Plasticity: The Female Sex Drive as Socially Flexible and Responsive. In it the author demonstrates the women's sexual attitudes are readily influenced by their environment. The same author has a follow-up article titled Gender and Erotic Plasticity: Sociocultural Influences on the Sex Drive, in which he further reinforces this point. Some other studies, such as Romantic Opportunities Appear to Influence Women's Sexual Identities, But Not Men's, report somewhat similar things, but tend to cautiously toe the political-correctness line in their conclusions. This environmentally-influenced sexual fluidity has been observed in cultures all around the world (Possible Evolutionary Origins of Human Female Sexual Fluidity), so it seems to be an inherent female trait. Women's sexuality is fairly readily influenced by their social environment, whereas men's is not.

2. Women are more likely to conform to social expectations, norms, and rules. The study Does the Behavioral Immune System Prepare Females to Be Religiously Conservative and Collectivistic? states that women are more likely than men to endorse social collectivism and to follow social and religious norms. Another study on high school students (Sex Differences and Personality Factors Related to Persuasibility) found that the female students were significantly more likely to be easily persuaded than the male students. The study Masculinity-Femininity and Conformity states, "For many years one of the better established facts of social psychology has been that American females are generally more susceptible to group pressures on their judgements than are American males." This susceptibility is reasonably influenced by situation. That is, on certain topics and in certain situations, men will be more likely to change their opinions than women. However, overall, women are more likely to change their opinions in the face of persuasion than are men (Experimental Study of the Relationship of Persuasibility to Male-Female Involvement with Message Topics).

I'm not sure how this directly ties in to what I said, but I'll give it a shot.

Men tend to be more sexually opportunistic than women. We'll jump on a chance to have sex, whereas women are more picky and thought-out. This is reflected in affairs, too. Men are more likely to have a drunken one-night stand, whereas a woman's affair will tend to be protracted, emotionally-invested, and planned out.

Since porn provides men with the constant opportunity to "have sex", men tend to fall into the trap more frequently, due to their propensity for opportunistic mating.

Secondly, men are more readily aroused by "superficial" stimuli, such as when women show a bit of skin. On the other hand, women's arousal is far more complex and subject much more to environment, time of the month, male status, etc. To paraphase a comedian who's name I forget; if women didn't care about men's status and would have sex with us anyway, bachelors would live in cardboard boxes instead of apartments.

 

Fascinating stuff Opportunity For Better, thank you. I'm going to have to do some research on this. When I first read your post the first thought that came to mind was that there were significantly fewer women dealing with sexual issues than men which to me indicted that men were more influenced by our environments compared to women. I realize now that it is very likely not quite that simple

Got a good chuckle out of the last line.

My comment was more an attempt at humor than me being too serious. I almost deleted it, but in the end I left it in. It struck me as humorous to suggest someone should look for a relationship in a group who believed in traditional family values considering we have issues with porn, something I don't think people with traditional family values would become involved with easily. I apologize, I really did not express myself well at all.

Good points and more food for thought

 

You're welcome. I'm glad you found the info interesting. I tend to get pretty focused on facts, sometimes at the cost of how they may be received.

Men and women face somewhat different sexual issues. For example, because sex is more readily available for women, they get more STIs than men. The rates of genital herpes among women in the USA is nearly double that of men. Another example is that the more sexual partners women have, the higher their risk of depression and suicidal ideation. The same is not true for men.

Ha!

It's more likely I was just slow on the up-take.

 

I think anyone can struggle with porn. Almost even especially people who are raised more traditional, for a lot of reasons. The fact that most of us here recognize porn as destructive, however, is a huge step in the right direction, and that's something people with traditional values would agree on.

 

I hear you. I think education is key for this. Of course, we have to have good data to educate with and it has to be accepted by enough people to become mainstream. We currently generally do a really lousy job of teaching children about sex and relationships and I suspect it's worse in more traditional families. It will be interesting to see how the internet porn issue plays out over time.

 

Worse in more traditional families? that's an interesting comment. As we were all raised in only our own family we each have but one experience. I was raised in a VERY liberal family. One time my mom found a porn movie of mine (this was pre-internet when i was a kid) and returned it to me! She merely said "real sex isn't like that". I

I can't see how a traditional family could be worse, but as i said, i wouldn't know.

 

I think you're looking at it all wrong. I agree multiple partners is a turnoff, but really what is important is who your girl is TODAY, not who she was.
If she had a promiscuous past but has changed, who cares? On the other hand, if she only had two other partners (she meets your qualifications) who's to say that you're number 3 in a long line of future sex partners. She might have 35 after you!!
Judge the person she is now, not who she was. And if you don't trust her to tell you truthfully, don't be with her. In that case either she's a liar or you're too immature to believe her when she tells the truth.
Also, there is the STD risk with more partners, but that's rather obvious.

 

A traditional family can be worse, or perhaps equally bad, because many of them just don't talk about sex at all. So kids learn about sex from friends or the internet, without even having a parent to say "real sex isn't like that." I mean that's at least something.

Personally, my family was fairly traditional and conservative, but I didn't have that problem at all. My parents were totally willing to talk to me about sex. I still talk to my mom about sex all the time, and I feel totally comfortable doing so.

 

You’re welcome.

 

She died recently. RIP Miss Cleo

 

You can still contact her.

 

I was brought up in a traditional family and sex was just not talked about. I learned about it from magazines and movies (no internet back in the 60's and 70's). That was not good. I live in Canada and our province just established what sounds to me like a good sex-ed program which is something I also missed out on. There was serious push-back on that from religious groups and families, who wanted to stick to their more traditional values. Fortunately for the kids the government stuck to their plan.

Our daughter can and still does talk to us about pretty much anything. We have always been very open and down to earth with her and I know she benefited from this when she was going through some rough patches. It doesn't always work out that way, we make mistakes too, but we believe it's been a net positive for us. Traditional can be that way too as in @CassTeaElle's experience, but my bet is it's not generally the case.

 

the real question is why would you ask a girl you date how much guys she had sex with before you?
i would never ask a guy i am dating and i like to tell me with how many women he had sex. NEVER. i wouldn't want to picture him in bed with someone else. I care my present with him. the joke you mentioned is very insulting and sexist

personally I had sex with 7 guys and I will turn 26 in a couple of months (I am a girl and and ex s addict if you wanna add it). plus body count is a pretty shallow way to describe it. i lost my virginity at 21. i have not only had sex with those 7 guys, i shared a part of my life with them, even if quite brief with some guys. they all meant something for me

when I was 21, I started kissing a guy who after 2 weeks that we stopped dating we became best friends. basically he told me after a couple months that the girl he had before me ( they were only having s) told him her boyfriend proposed. they got married in a year. he told me that when asked with how many she slept, she replied 22 and she was 21 at that time. obviously i am pretty sure she would have never said this to her now husband

there is no right numbers of partners with whom one has slept with. grow up and don't ask that. focus on the present with a specific girl. that is the only thing that should matter to you. i never asked coz i never wanted to know or i would have been upset. don't ask if you don't wanna know the answer. it is as simple as that