My story.

I am new to this website. I had been watching fetish porn consistently from the age of around 13 up until 2 years ago though i did relapses a few times i am 26 going on 27 in December so most of my life and by watching porn it was a daily thing often spending quite some time online. getting worse over time. While it wasn't always fetish related that was the most effective way to get myself off. i got into a relationship 2 years ago and in the beginning there were lies and i was in denial to how bad i was until i couldn't perform in the bedroom. I mean what male doesn't watch porn right? i quickly learnt i had a problem. I had back ups of my porn stash that i had built up for a number of years and wasn't honest about it until i was caught out. What you need to understand is that this is an extreme fetish and at this point all i am going to say is that it is ass related. I don't look up porn anymore but the damage has already been done to me and my relationship. My sex drive used to be through the roof when i was watching porn always wanted sex now it has gone through the floor i have lost interest occasionally getting horny and when i do i often can't either get hard or remain hard. We have a baby together but in the 2 years we have been together we have probably only had sex 15 to 20 times at the most. in order for me to get horny 9 times out of 10 i'll have to either think or engaged in my fetish and my partner doesn't like to do it which is understandable as the fetish is an odd one and its still affecting me so she doesn't want to make it worse. i can't satisfy her and it is upsetting. Even so i don't look it up anymore it still seems to be having an impact on my life and hers. Because i was exposed at such a young age and spent so many years behind a computer screen i have doubts i can be normal in the bedroom again and perform normally and if i can which i hope so its going to be a slow journey. There are a lot of feeling associated. i think most of it is in my head and i want to get rid of my sexual dysfunction and fetish dependency. i don't know where to turn as everyone i have seen i haven't found to be helpful they tell me to do stuff but it doesn't work. Looking for tips, encouragement, suggestions and someone that i can relate too or someone that can relate to me. Thanks and look forward to replies.

 

Thanks for the comment mate. i think this forum is going to help even if it just opens my eyes. i will explore the site and might start a journal. Yeah after looking it up for so long it was hard to stop but i'm glad i have as it was doing me no favors and hurting my partner. also my fetish made me feel shame after getting off to it so i would always have to rationalize it. Having a baby really does change your life and it can at times be difficult but in saying that i wouldn't change it for the world i love my daughter. it is hard to stay strong as i don't know how long it will take, how much effort it'll take or whether i'll even get back to normal again though i like to think i will. As you said i'm young and have my whole life but i guess i am a little impatient and want to see changes to help keep me motivated.