How do I tell her about pied?

I think a lot of your anxiety about PIED and performance is because you're trying to hide something from other people and are too invested in what they think about you. Could that be? I don't want to offend you. This was the story of my life for a long time and I noticed things get a lot more easy and I get more relaxed when I stopped this.
Also don't think when you express yourself to her and tell her about your struggles, that doing this makes you look needy. It's actually the opposite and most women value guys being honest. It's pretty rare.

 

but you have said you hooked up with her a month ago so you did not have PIED I assume. Maybe you feel a lot of pressure because you really like the girl and you want to give a good impression. You could try to relax and just be completely in the moment and remove all worries about pied. Be honest with her, you are old friends. I believe trust is already built between you and her

 

So did she give signals that she wants to have sex lately? When was the last time you had sex in general? I believe your pied is due to a psychological block and you don't want to disappoint her

If she's patient and truly interested in you as dating material, she will understand. Tell her about it. I'm on your side

 

just tell her with these words. Get it off the chest

 

You are not a wimp, you are fighting and you are connecting. You feel like it is a bumbling attempt, but in reality, no attempt has been rehearsed nor gets edited. It is what it is, and you live with it. You also live real benefits as it progresses. As you connect and come together, you feel good like you can never feel with PMO. You have lots of good reasons to stay off P and M and to continue opening up.
Few things turn a woman on like open, honest, communication. Covering up your feelings and your reality just encourages her to physically cover up and withdraw. It sounds like you have found a good one, who is sticking with you. I know it is not easy, but I hope you will be more open with her. It will help both of you. It is difficult to maintain a physical relationship that is more intimate than your dialogue. As you open up and share your past junk, you can share your junk, put your junk to work, and enjoy real connections.

 

You are not alone. Men are trained to not identify or share any emotions from the time they are babies. They are supposed to do instead of feel or talk about feelings. Girls spend more time with feelings, but often have more issues with the way they think their body looks. They can feel as uncomfortable undressing as you do opening up about your feelings. You need her to be physical, but, to feel comfortable with you, she needs you to open up and talk to her. She is not a guy with a hole, she is from a different planet. She is not excited by a glimpse of your body as much as by a glimpse of your heart and soul. Learning to talk is also good for us. We become more aware of what we feel and really need. Best of luck with it. Shy guys can be the most honest talkers. It is not easy, but it certainly is more real than the game it is for some extroverts. Girls do not like to be gamed for long.
Keeping a daily journal of your feeling might be helpful.
There are lists of feelings. You could try try remember the last time you felt each of them, and which ones you have felt today.
This is not rocket science; there are rocket scientist who will never master this. It is not easy, but it can be done, best of luck with it.

 

Hey man, i feel you. My way to open up was mentioning "i would not tell a lie, but there are things i would never tell"
And she was like "what is the matter of the things you wouldn't tell"
I said "the reason why I feel like asexual"
Then week later via skype we had 4 hour talk (long distance relationship) of how I was abused as a child.
I was all tears, and after that I felt better with myself and with her.
Girls are accepting and non judgemental, don't be afraid of her pointing your weakness out.
Just give her a hint you need to talk about your issues and she will persuade you to the point you open up.
Acceptance man. Accept who you are, don't hide it and dont try to change it.
Or simply send her link from this thread and then invite her to talk.
Good luck and use your common sense.

 

I have just read through this thread and feel your angst.

I don't know your background - age, previous experience, years on porn etc - but otherwise the situation is quite clear. You've found a girl you love and she evidently has strong feelings for you too. That part is not complicated.

Your tying yourself up into mental knots is the complicated part...

If I'm not mistaken you haven't actually experienced PIED with her as you haven't progressed that far yet. Have you felt any arousal around her at all - like the time she grabbed for your crotch?

At this point you've really got 3 main options. i) invent a totally fake reason for avoiding sex - new religion etc, ii) tell her the full and honest truth about your PIED and iii) find grounds somewhere in between.

It may not be a politically correct thing to say, but telling a woman you can't have sex with her because you've masturbated way too much to porn in the past is a tough sell. Unless there is a reason you originally got into porn that reduces your culpability - eg being very young when you started. I don't know how the average woman responds to that.

As an alternative you could be (mostly) honest with her and say you are nervous about having sex with her - and that nervousness is about whether you will perform - and that is a vicious circle that has been eating away at you. That is totally understandable, particularly with a girl you are so close to. Maybe you could ask to start by focusing on her body a few times, and let you please her. You never know - once the focus is off the PIED, and your anxiety is lessened - you might find your body responding more naturally. If PIED is still there then you may have to explain what lies behind your initial anxiety.

The only problem with this alternative is that although not a lie it is not the complete truth from the beginning. But it is for you to decide which way is best. That she is obviously very fond of you, and knows you very well, will greatly help in either case.

 

tell her only if you trust her and she deserves to know that. don't tell her only coz in this way she will stay and have the patience to then have s with you. don't relapse if she leaves you. Your reboot must have the priority on anything else. Don't let others behaviour influence your behaviour

 

bro just tell her when you meet her. I am a girl and saying things in person is much better than 5 pages of a text. don't think you are lucky she hasn't gotten tired of you, it is not fault the pied situation. you are recovering from an addiction. don't feel guilty or that you are lucky she still sticks around. i used to be the same, feeling "lucky" because someone i dated still stayed with me. improve your confidence for yourself but don't put too much expectations. just be honest but stay focused on your reboot at all times. I was close to relapse myself when i got disappointed for work, people etc.