Why Should I Quit Porn?

Because life's for living.

Social isolation and porn addiction aren't living however, which is why you feel as you do. I would know, as I've spent more than my share of time in isolation, feeding the addiction and hating myself for doing so.

As you said, the answer lies in compassion. For ourselves yes, but even more importantly, for others. More specifically, the answer is in living in community and considering the needs and desires of others to be equal to our own. That's living, but so long as we're trapped in the cycle of addiction and despair, we'll never get there.

So as someone who has wasted years of his life in that hopeless cycle, let me assure you that the answer is in forgiving ourselves, caring about others and seeking to fulfill their needs and desires. I would therefore recommend you attempt to fill your daytime hours with activities which allow you to make others feel better. Volunteer to walk dogs at the local Humane Society. Go read to and listen to people in homes for the elderly who are in desperate need of companionship. Spend time at the local soup kitchen. Whatever it is, you've got to get out of the house and seek out as many opportunities to as you can to serve others. You'll feel awesome about doing so, and you'll have less time to either indulge your addiction or deal with the stress that arises in its void.

 

To find love and a relationship, to share your life with someone, to have children if that's what you desire. With a very exceptions most people desire love, and to share their lives with someone else. You likely are not pursuing love because of the addiction and with the addition all your relationships will likely fail. Prepare yourself for sharing your life. And two months is not that long. You have to give yourself at least 90 days before you begin to question yourself and it may even be a year. I know its hard to stay motivated. It sounds like you are depressed and maybe even suffer from some OCD, are you in counseling? If not please reach out for that, and ask for help. I agree that getting out and doing things will help too. I have to tell you that volunteering with wounded veterans changed my life more than anything I could ever imagine.

 

That's the nature of porn addiction. There's no way to be trapped in it without feeling ashamed and isolated.

Don't worry about self-righteousness at this point. Just get out and serve people. It might be as simple as calling your Grandma once a week to see how she's doing and asking if there's anything you can do to help. If you have an elderly neighbor, volunteer to cut her grass. If there's somebody at work who's fallen behind, ask if you can help them get caught up (use discernment in this of course, as it could lead people to expect you to do their jobs for them). Do your roommates need a new TV stand? Are you good at woodworking? If yes, invest the time to build a new one.

Regardless of the specific ways you choose to help others, the point is that you move from a self-centered approach to an other-centered one. Learning to serve others is a tremendous way to get out of the PMO cycle, as PMO is about the most self-centered behavior there is.

As for the rewards of doing so: It feels amazing. There are all kinds of people who are desperate for help and attention. Most people will greatly appreciate you taking the time and energy to help them, which in turn will cause your sense of self-worth to skyrocket. There will be those who seem unappreciative of your efforts, but don't let them bring you down. Keep serving, stay other-centered, and you'll soon be in a much better place.

 

So this is interesting, you describe exactly what my ex PMO addict told me. That everyone took advantage of him and everyone was out to screw him. He had very few friends and with the ones he had he wouid bean count. Like my friend X never pays he uses me then the next week his friend paid. Or he would tell me stories about how people took advantage of him, except they did not. And I don't bean count with friends. He isolated himself for 8 years post divorce and it took its toll. He became an avoidant which many porn addicts are. He never trusted me, and he wouid not let me in. The thing is most of what he thought was happening was delusional so he became hyper vigilant. The stories he told me were normal things we all deal with but he thought it was because he was being taken advantage of. The

 

Do you want to die? It all comes down to that man. I'm not saying the porn itself is going to kill you, I'm saying that by using it to mask your emotion it works like any other drug. It'll slowly kill you. So just think about it like that and slowly but surely you will find things to improve your life.

 

I see where you're coming from, but isolation doesn't appear to be getting you very far. Due to experiences with rejection, I did the same for years. Yes, it does allow you to avoid rejection, but you pay for it with your sense of well-being.

As far as I can tell, the only solution is a life lived in community. Of course, if you choose to do so, you'll open yourself up to rejection and to people who will seek to take advantage of your kindness and other emotionally painful events. But when the alternative is the prison of social isolation, I don't see that there's much of a choice.

 

There's always a choice for all i know

 

I do see where you're coming from. Sorry if I came across as overly critical.

A lot of people have had success with SA groups. I think they're hugely beneficial, as even if you don't stick with the meetings, you might make a couple of friends who can then turn into accountability partners. In addition to meeting with them once a week (or however often you decide to meet), you can install accountability software such as Covenant Eyes and have them receive reports of your Internet usage (including times you've disabled the software). Having this extra accountability might be helpful in the fight against PMO.

As far as general community suggestions, you've got to consider your interests. Do you like to run? If yes, sign up for some local races and fun runs. They're an excellent way to meet people, and the exercise is always good. Do you like to lift weights? If yes, join a powerlifting gym. If it's a good one, there will be lifters who support you as you improve and you can all work together to prepare for meets. If you have a passion for writing, join local writer's groups. If you're good with electronics, perhaps a group dedicated to tinkering with them. If you're a musician, join a band or volunteer to teach.

Besides that, think of skills you'd like to learn. Do you have any interest in outdoorsy stuff? Maybe join a local hiking or climbing or camping group. Basic first aid is an important skill. If that's not something you're completely comfortable with, perhaps sign up for some classes. Can you ride a motorcycle? Would you like to learn how? If yes, sign up for a motorcycle safety course. You'd learn a useful skill and you'd get to meet up with some people you could ride with once you've all completed the course.

That's about all I got. I'd recommend just checking out your local city guide and signing up for anything which catches your eye.

 

I don't think there is any magic reason that will help you rationalize with the addicted mind. But we've seen how life is with porn. Maybe we ought to give nopmo a chance. 90 days of nopmo. If it works then good, if it doesn't, well...porn is just a click away on the 91st day.

 

James, after 40 days into my (latest) reboot, i was still struggling with PIED, and was slipping a bit back into a state of social malaise, general frustration with people around me.
It finally occured to me that during that 40 days I was still pretty consumed with psubs and oogling every woman around me. I was pissed that after 40 days not much had changed, and read a great post (somewhere) that recommended simply stop constantly looking at women and occupying my mind with nasty thoughts.

I don't know in what way you're approaching your own reboot, but after 14 days of mindfully keeping my eyes to myself 99% of the day and making a concerted effort to just chill with any sexual thoughts my libido has indeed made a gradual but noticeable improvement, as has my attitude around & about others.
Just some food for thought. I hope it can help you.

And, @GG2002: I really appreciated what you wrote about your SO being delusional and thinking everyone was out to get them. Ha! Yes, that was my way of thinking for a very, very long time.
I alienated some good. (former) friends, completely threw away a marraige to a GOOD woman, even a relationship with another good woman afterwards while I was still wallowing in p day after day...

I first gave up pmo Dec 2015, and have slipped up here and there after about 4 months, but never went back to the daily, 3+ hrs at a time mess that i was for most of my life. Since then, ive changed so much in my perceptions of everyone else's motivations as they pertain to me.

To be honest i dont 'hate' porn per se; I still recall the bizarre escape i derived from it but I enjoy so much the mental and physical freedom I regain from staying away from it.

I know this is long ramble. Its funny there's so much more I could go into.

James just stick with it, life really is better without P. You shall see results....