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Is anyone here spiritual, and knows what PMO is doing to them physically and mentally?

Discussion in 'Rebooting - Porn Addiction Recovery' started by Kabuto, Sep 17, 2017.

  1. Kabuto

    Kabuto Fapstronaut

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    So this past year has been a period of slow transformation for me. Started with my first full time job (age 30) then in March I had a health scare and started running to get in shape. Between March and June I lost four waist sizes and a shirt size. Around the end of April I suddenly had an explosive desire to draw and create, something I'd not had since high school. I started to experience the pure joy I'd had in my younger years from drawing, and my talent had reached a level I had never seen.

    On June 1st, I made a commitment to end my habits of lust. I turned to God for help and began to leave it behind, and very successfully. My mind was consumed with drawing, reading and work. On June 28th I went to Florida, and during the convention I was at (I'm a Twitch broadcaster) I asked a beautiful woman out I had never met IRL. I drew a portrait of her, and she adored it. Seeing her eyes light up that way reaffirmed my love and passion for my art.

    Then I got sick immediately following my trip. I couldn't draw, exercise (which I tried, and very hard) and soon after my old habits crept back in. Over the past few months they've become worse to the point where my entire routine, that kept me on the track to success, has fallen apart.

    A few moments ago, I looked up a verse in Ephesians 4:24. All I want, is to put on the new man, and get back that incredible freedom I had not so long ago. I want this to end, once and for all. I'm not here for a "streak": I'm here to let this sickness in my heart die. In fact, to put this sickness to death.

    I've never hated porn, hated sex so much in my life. I WANT LOVE. I want a woman that sees me as a strong man of faith that can take care of her. A man that can create strong, beautiful sons and daughters. Children of God, born under the salvation of Christ. I don't want to see women as objects of selfish desire. I hate myself for allowing this to happen and I need help.
     
    The Stag, Lucky1 and AM141 like this.
  2. Third_Eye

    Third_Eye Guest

    Damn! I'm sorry to hear that :(

    A masturbation, and/or porn addiction, has a huge effect on someone's brain. It also effects your spirit, creativity, self-esteem, and confidence. If you break free from the addiction, your spirit and mind would be cleansed from the mental prison you have on yourself, because of the addiction. I highly reccomend you download porn filters and adult content blockers, and i recommend you post a thread on the Accountability Partners forum about how you're searching for an AP partner around your age.
     
    Got to Overcome likes this.
  3. Got to Overcome

    Got to Overcome Fapstronaut

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    First off, I know exactly what you mean. I've done a lot of different things over the course of my life, and I've found that nothing kills one's soul quite like pornography. There truly is something uniquely devastating about it.

    Second, I'd recommend differentiating sex from pornography. Sex with someone you love is a wonderful thing, and it has absolutely nothing in common with watching pornography. As you'd one day like to get married, it's especially important to not conflate the two.

    Third, it's awesome that you've decided to leave pornography behind. It is going to require a lot of effort, however. What are you currently doing to put it in the past? Are you a part of a church? If yes, does your current church have an SA group? If not, search around your area for a church that does. They're quite common, so it should be relatively easy to find one. I'd highly recommend you participate in such a group, as while interacting with others in an online forum is certainly of benefit, it doesn't compare to sharing with flesh and blood people.

    Next, I'd recommend installing Covenant Eyes filters and accountability software. In order to use the accountability software, you'll need one or two accountability partners. These can be partners you meet online, though it would be preferable if they're real-life partners. Asking a couple of people from your SA meetings would be ideal. These partners will receive reports of your Internet activity, including periods of times when you've uninstalled the software. They'll then ask you about your Internet usage during weekly meetings. Obviously, you're not going to want to discuss all the porn sites they'll know you visited, so it's an excellent way to keep you on the right path.

    It's great that you had gotten into exercise. That's an important part of victory over pornography. I'd strongly recommend getting back in to it. It's particularly important to make sure you're following well-established programs which will allow you to progressively work towards a goal. There are a lot of different weight training programs which will work for this purpose, and I'm sure there are plenty of running and cycling programs as well. Whatever you choose though, make sure you're not just showing up to the gym and going through the motions but rather working towards achieving weekly, monthly and even yearly goals.

    It's also great that you have such a talent for art. I wish I had the same, but was unfortunately not blessed in that area. Anyhow, you should definitely keep painting and drawing and whatever else it is that you have a passion for. Finding hobbies about which we're passionate is one of the keys to victory over pornography. Another is social engagement. Since you're into art, seek out art classes and art clubs to join. If you're at a high enough level, perhaps even volunteer to teach art classes.

    Finally, make sure to read as much about pornography and living a victorious Christian life as possible. I've found Neil Anderson's books to be especially helpful. A book called, "The Bondage Breaker" and the companion pamphlet "Setting Captives Free" have helped me work through a lot of personal issues which caused me to self-medicate through PMO.

    Anyhow, we all now what you're going through. It's tough, and it feels like you'll never get out of it, but you will. Just commit to making the right choices and everything is going to be fine.
     
    Lucky1 likes this.
  4. Lucky1

    Lucky1 Fapstronaut

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    Knowing you've beaten it once before, reminding yourself, you've beaten it once before is important.

    Deep down you know you can do it.
     
    Got to Overcome likes this.
  5. daveplaysguitar90

    daveplaysguitar90 Fapstronaut

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    Amen brother! I became a follower last July and have been on the roller coaster myself. Porn continued to be a struggle for me, I was sexually immoral with my girlfriend at the time in those first couple of months, and lusting over women was just a hard thing to shake. PMO similarly took away from my passion of playing guitar, got in the way of my distance running, affected me in the bedroom, weakened my ability to socialize, and most importantly kept me further from God. I have been clean since August 9th and feel a renewed sense of freedom. I also don't see this as a "streak" but the old dying and the new coming in. "Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come" -2 Corinthians 5:17 (ESV). I'd encourage you to join the Christian Fapstronauts group for spiritual support and to just continue to let God do a great work in your life. Shoot me a PM sometime, always love talking with a fellow brother in Christ!
     
    Got to Overcome likes this.
  6. Kabuto

    Kabuto Fapstronaut

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    Love comes first, then love making. That's my point. All I've been consumed with until now is flesh.
     

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