Introverts?

I think it is best to be an ambivert. This would reflect the social aspect of your existence on the one hand, and your private free idiosyncratic existence on the other.

 

Being an introvert doesn't make you more or less likely to have an addiction. You can't choose to be an introvert, extrovert, or ambivert. It's in your genetics. Introverts can also be very good with dating. We form deep bonds with people, we're good listeners, and we tend to be low stress/drama in our lives.

 

Introversion has nothing to do with confidence or a lack thereof. I'm INTJ and I'm confident. Being an introvert means that social interactions drain you, and alone time recharges you.

 

Being an introvert is as natural as being heterosexual or homosexual. You have to accept yourself as you are.

In the today's society, extroversion is related directly to being more desirable. The reason for that is mainly the media and our extroverted culture. A book can be written about that, so I'm not going into that.

Now, being an extrovert means you thrive on human interaction. Now, that includes both male and female interaction.
Whereas, introverts get drained in social gatherings. So, being an introvert will definitely hurt your chances of meeting a girl in a party, club or places where a lot of people gather because being an introvert, you will not feel comfortable in such places.

But here's the catch. Introverts are awesome in one on one interaction with people they are interested in. So, supposing you find a girl, who is not too extroverted, and you two go on a couple of dates. I think you being an introvert, have an advantage over an extroverted guy. But, the girl should also be an ambivert or introvert. If she is an extrovert, then there could be compatibility issue, though you can try it and see for yourself.

So, the gist is- Yes, you may be at an disadvantage when it comes to meeting a new girl, because your social reach/circle may be smaller but being an introvert cannot stop you from being an awesome partner.

I would suggest you ask your female friends to match you with their other friends, to break the ice or use a dating app.
You may have to work on your conversation skills if you lack them, but I wouldn't call that being an extrovert.

On the previous point of whether introverts are more prone to porn addiction. My opinion is yes. Extroverted people can always choose to go out over sitting in a room alone. They would actually prefer that. Introverted person would try to close down and be alone, increasing the chance of ending up watching porn due to boredom and loneliness.

 

I don't know man but I agree the fellow above... That completely changed my mind so I don't know what the hell I am anymore. I have a huge lack of confidence, specially in talking to boys in a flirting way, it had part in my inmersion in this addiction though. I have a few great friends both female and male so I don't know. I guess a little of both because I can get tired of social life and of lonely life... More introvert than extrovert, though.

 

I agree with certain parts of that, but I can still form a strong connection with extroverts if I like them. I can also use my introvert strengths well in small groups.

 

This post seems to imply that your extroversion or introversion is contingent upon choice. Extroversion is almost always more desirable and beneficial for a lot of reasons, particularly if you just want to enjoy life as it is. Being an introvert can often be torturous, you notice so many things that other people don't, you're plagued by thoughts that so many people don't have to deal with. Feelings of loneliness, extra time for contemplation and therefore sadness, and so on and so forth.

Even so, I don't think I'd have it any other way.

 

If you are an introvert dating another introvert, or a so-called "ambivert" you will not be pushed out of your shell and you will not be exposed to larger social circles. Nothing wrong with dating another introvert, but the idea that somehow your extroversion and introversion wouldn't be complimentary is absurd.

 

I think that introversion and extroversion lie at opposite ends on a spectrum. We are not so much either an introvert or an extrovert, but are more disposed to one quality or the other - and ten different people will be ranged along the spectrum in ten different places. For example, even though someone was disposed more to introversion, he could work on himself to become less introvert/ more extrovert [in relative terms] and vice-versa.

And both of these qualities are hard-wired into human nature. We are potentially both social and solitary creatures. This tension between the two is a healthy thing in my opinion.

I think there are both strengths and weaknesses to those that identify themselves as an 'introvert' or an 'extrovert'. Given the state of our present culture, I think introversion can be more difficult at times... as you say, you will tend to be more critical and rational in a culture where those values are fast evaporating.

And extraverts, must, in their solitary moments, have their own difficulties... perhaps the disquieting sensation of being swept by a tide?

 

There are places for introverts and places for extroverts. A good business needs both types.
In a committee meeting, an extrovert thinks with his mouth. He makes a strong position statement, and, according to the reaction, moves on towards a final position, whatever it may become. An introvert thinks through their position, and before they speak their ducks are well lined up. They know the options, dangers, and rewards and are only concerned with the time wasted in getting the rest of the group onboard. The extrovert enjoys the process, and, even when a consensus is reached, may not see it as set in stone. Either one could be a disaster, but working in mutual respect can come together to a better position with broader support. The process can be long and especially painful for the introvert.

 

A short essay; The Ambivert


Exemplary of our penchant to identify ourselves with something, to classify ourselves as something, is the question of whether we are introvert or extrovert. We are presented with an either/ or binary opposition, and asked to choose. And we usually do, having habitually bought into this mode of thinking. It offers up to us the comfort and security of a static identity. And yet all simplistic representations are vulnerable to criticism. For are we not potentially either, and in actuality a mix of both? And wouldn’t that mix be ranged in infinite points along a continuum? And wouldn’t mankind arrange itself as a bell curve, with the mass of its bulk swelling the center? So much for the choice of two.

In contrast to this false choice between two alternatives, we have the power of choice as a vital dynamic. And while we might recognize the reality, that we are both social and solitary creatures, we may nevertheless lean one way or the other. And in recognizing that, we may decide to re-balance ourselves as an ‘ambivert’… or not.

Given the near universal acceptance of this dichotomous language, there seems to be forces at play which serve to pull us one way or the other. The introverts cultivate their inner space; they tend to be critical and rationalist, and confronted with a culture, where those values are fast evaporating, may want to resist further. And then there are the extroverts, who are the social animals, and who yet, in a quiet moment, might feel themselves disquieted as if swept by a tide. What tends to be lost is a vital tension between the two tendencies, where a balance of sorts could be struck, where one could never become overly-domesticated on the one hand, nor anti-social on the other.

And this has a tendency to translate into politics. The extravert is more likely to be concerned with the collective good, whilst the introvert is inclined toward private freedoms. Both in their own way are right, but both combined and counter-balanced in the same person is better. Perhaps all cultural and political dichotomies we see today are themselves derivative of this original dichotomization in thought, and crude classification of individuals.

 

I think it plays a part, but i do not believe it is the sole reason why porn affects people. I believe that porn certainly makes introversion worse, in a sense it makes our introverted nature more antisocial. being an introvert in itself is not necessarily an anti social thing because like other people have said introverts have their benefits in other walks of life like in business or being empathic and possibly being better able to 'listen' and absorb information. I can be extrovert in some situations, especially when i am amongst people i know very well. for example when I am with my best friend i feel able to express my comical side more. With women it's a case of getting out of your comfort zone and finding the right kind of people that compliment your personality, I personally do not like loud obnoxious and self centered women, i prefer the company of gentle, intellectual and creative people. I think 'these are my kind of people' When I used to go out drinking when I was younger I found it very difficult to simply walk up to a random girl in a bar and start wooing them, whilst I could enjoy the company of my friends It wasn't the best social envoronment for me to thrive when dealing with people of the opposite sex. However in other situations where it is more peaceful and maybe less chaotic I find I can hold conversation and there is no pressure. I think it's about finding the right social environment for you to thrive in. Using porn alone in your bedroom for hours on end is not going to help you to find that and explore other parts of life.

 

@Buzz Lightyear, I take it that you are not an introvert married to an extrovert or vice versa. When my wife and I attend a social gathering she is ready to go home as soon as possible, while I could stay around to help clean up, if there are people to talk to. It does not matter if it is my family, a wedding of her coworker, or a church social. When we get home, she is exhausted and ready for bed, but I am so wound up that there is no way that I could sleep yet. Our Myers Briggs scores are very far removed. I know someone, whose score is right in the middle. He can go or stay, talk for hours or read and study alone. It is a continuum, and nobody is 100% E or I, but the differences are quickly obvious in relationships. Even if both are introverts, one will almost always be more I than the other one is. Inside the differences we grow in understanding show our love by leaving earlier than we wanted with our spouse who stayed later than they wanted to stay.

 

I am happily single at the moment. On the continuum, I see myself leaning toward the introvert pole, which is no doubt due to both nature and nurture. Perhaps it is easier to work on yourself as an individual... I've found myself getting toward a more balanced ambivert position, where I can now take great relish in certain social situations. But I struggle with large groups... I see myself more in my element with just one or two other people. The ideal for me is a dialogue.

The internet is obviously erosive of real society and community. It can serve as a substitute, and we can feel so comfortable in its anonymous space, but it's a trap. It's in concrete society [as opposed to the abstraction] that we develop ourselves. We may feel a bit of discomfiture at times [especially those leaning toward introversion] but that should be embraced as it's just a sign of growth.

 

I think women rank men based off their social ability, men on the other hand rate women based off what we see. I think that being an introverted man makes dating a huge pain, and definitely plays a part in porn addiction. I've been through phases of introversion and extroversion. Right now I'm stuck in an introverted state, but that's because there's nothing I'm passionate about. If you want to become extroverted, you should try your best to find something your passionate about.

 

If I had to pick a category I fall under, it'd definitely be introvert. I've seen extroverts that are equally bad with women though. I think it really just depends on what you're looking for. If you're looking for long-term relationships with intentions of marriage, you're probably more specific with who you date. If you're looking for hookups or simply don't want to be single and are willing to settle, then you probably have a wider margin. If you're looking for stimulation from porn, then you're stuck in a cycle that's tough to break out of.