Is it possible to stop porn addiction on one's own?

It is possible.
If he is motivated and strong willed, he can do it. It works best and lasts longest, if he is doing it for himself. Nobody else can do it for us; we have to do it on our own.
Since he is in a relationship, you probably do not want him to do it alone. If you are planning on staying with him, your support and encouragement will be vital to his success.

 

The first consideration is whether he actually wants to stop. Obviously, if he doesn't want to stop, he won't.

The next consideration is the possibility of quitting the addiction on one's own. Based on my own experience, I'd say it's nearly impossible once you're hooked. It's incredibly important to find accountability partners, get involved in SA groups, install accountability software and all the rest once you've gotten yourself into a cycle of heavy use. With that said though, there surely are people who have the willpower to simply quit a serious PMO addiction, though those are relatively rare cases.

 

Sometimes the only way to learn how hard this addiction is to beat is to try to beat it and then fail. And then you realize you need more help, more knowledge, more something. So you reach out and get those support systems. And then maybe you succeed. Or you fail again, and get even more knowledge, more support, more help. Everyone requires different things to get them through this addiction, and part of the process of recovery is learning what works for you and what doesn't. There's some trial and error involved in that for, I would guess, 95%+ of us. It's a non-linear process. But the first and most important step, as Got to Overcome says, is commitment. He has to want to stop. Once you have that, you're on your way. The rest is just learning how.

 

I agree with everyone else that the desire to stop is the most important thing. The other would be to try and understand why one turns to porn. I disliked my work much of the time and it was stressful, so porn was a way to escape. Another reason was depression which might be caused by the inability to find pleasure in life. Since no pleasure can be found, one is reduced to foraging for crumbs at crummy porn sites. It's really a question of developing more skillful ways to get pleasure.

 

A counselor also told my ex who was an addict that since he only used on occasion, similar to your partner that he was not an addict. But he was. I think the thing is if it is effecting your relationship, particularly his ability to perform in bed and he is having difficulty stopping it's an addiction. If a man is motivated to stop then yes he can do it on his own. The problem I see in your post is that he does not appear to be willing to admit he's an addict,, so he may not be very willing to try to stop. He may just be telling you that he is, to appease you. My ex did that for a year. It was only when he was ready to see that it was a problem, and there were actual consequences to ongoing use that he attempted to stop. No one can really give you an answer. Many people stop alchohol cold turkey and don't need support. The key is though admitting it's an addiction.

 

I really don't know, but I don't think I can myself tbh. I've tried to many times

 

As i somewhat stated in my response to your other post, if hes unwilling to go the whole 9 yards on ending it completely something needs to change. To answer your question, yes but i wouldst rely on self control alone to end any sort of self control problem.

 

That's okay. What's important is that you realize that in doing so you can ask for help and receive it. The person who has significantly less chance of recovery is the person who denies there even is a problem.

 

I think no one has a chance unless they decide to stop, after that it's about having someone there for you to go through the rough time, the withdrawals and urges. I think having someone would make it a lot easier, but a problem can't be fixed if you don't admit you have a problem.

 

His PA is probably worse than he's saying. I could be misunderstanding what you posted, but it doesn't sound like he wants to quit. He might not realize how bad it is.

 

You can lead a horse to water but you can't make it drink, so the saying goes. That's true with compulsive behaviour and addictions. Unless the user is willing to admit they have a problem they will always try to justify it often at the expense of other more important things in their life. For the person in active addiction, someone telling them they might have a problem or they need to stop often feels as if that person is trying to destroy their happiness when all they are doing is trying to help. Another truth with addiction is that addicts are extremely good liers, they have to be in order to maintain a 'outer mask' so they can carry on with their addiction in private. He probably feels a little vulnerable for the fact you haver brought it up as a subject with him and that's good because he needs to realise that if he's in a relationship he needs to feel able to share with you what he's going through. I'd say if he is totally adamant that he will never stop watching porn and that it's your fault for not accepting it then he might not be the best partner. Stick with it a little bit and see how it goes, in my experience addictions and compulsive behaviour very rarely get resolved on their own without outside support.

 

That's what I read as well. I think it would be helpful to know why he decided to quit? Because it sounds like he may have gotten caught by the SO and agreed to quit because he was given an ultimatum. Perfectly reasonable for an SO to do that but often it means the addict does not truly want to stop as he does not see it as a problem. Sometimes the addicts initial reason for quitting may be the SO but he then realizes how much better things are without pmo and comes around to seeing that it's a problem but if he does not it's unlikely he will recover.

 

I also think the reason that addictions don't get resolved without help is that they are often indicative of another mental health issue. If that underlying issue is not solved the addict is unlikely to stop or if he does stop pmo he will just find some other substance to abuse. Example if he has severe depression or anxiety stopping pmo won't cure that and he also won't suddenly develop healthy coping mechanisms without intervention of some kind. Even reading a book on the issue could prove helpful.

 

Another possibility is that he starts pmoing secretly as a way to try and keep both the so and porn in his life.

 

Scientifically speaking - it is not an addiction, more of a dysfunctional coping mechanism. DSM-IV does NOT recognize a 'porn addiction' and it does not compare to substance addiction in any form (don't confuse dopamine hunting and dependency with the withdrawals experienced when quitting substances - they are not the same thing). I suggest that all SOs stop using that definition if they want their partner to leave porn for good. The more you stress it, the more the lie of addiction will imprint itself in their head and the more they will BELIEVE that there's really nothing they can do on their own against what is essentially an external affliction.

What porn use is, however, is a behavior of addictive/compulsive nature (just like constantly checking your feed on FB, but with a lot more moral and ethical implications to the world, relationships, behavior and society) with a lot of causes and belief systems that has to be tackled with more than just resolve. Personally, I had to sit down with books upon books and go through sessions of counseling that helped me discover what thoughts I had let stick to my brain (i.e. I'm an ADDICT, men are hornier, everyone does it, it's normal, we're wired like this). Once I had understood the base for so many lies about myself, I was able to disconnect their effectiveness and little by little - porn became that little thing I did because I wasn't aware of myself. Suddenly, the 'itch' for porn is nothing more than an invitation to be weak minded and 'soothe myself' cheaply (with a cost to my self image, those I love and the world). There's nothing appealing in it anymore.

Yes. It's possible to leave porn on your own. Still, there's a lot he can gain from fully engaging in an personal analysis of his behavior and reasons for it. It will help affirm the effects as more than just seasonal change, and more of a lifestyle choice and attitude. His own character has to be shaped and molded in this.

SA groups are great, there's also 'SMART Recovery' (google it) which skips all the shame and labeling which I found destructive in SA and replaces it with more aware and self-empowering cognitive behavior therapy. It works.

 

Yes that's exactly what happened to me and it's common. If the addict does not see it as a problem he's unlikely to stop. Sometimes Even the threat of losing a SO is not enough.

 

In my case my SO could not O with me at all until he stopped pmo. The sex would go on forever and he had to use his hand which I made clear was not okay. He refused to link the pmo to the issues in bed until he stopped and the issues were gone. Me being hurt and angry me leaving were a few others. When I found out he continued to Pmo and lie it changed me dramatically and our relationship and he saw that. Unfortunately he was too caught up in how own pain and anger to support me or listen to how I felt. He became angry combative and defensive and refused to discuss the subject that's why I finally left him.