+TenPercent

situation. Had sex with my gf on Saturday. So . . . if I don't M today, I have to wait until Saturday to O, and if we don't have sex, then I have to wait until next Monday to MO. So much for spontaneity, but this helps me avoid ruining intimacy with my M addiction.

The ideal would be no M at all and to only O during sex, but . . . that really puts me in a tough place when Saturday sometimes comes and goes without sex.

Making love with a partner is a beautiful thing - helping to fill their sexual needs. But . . . it's complicated as a life long M addict. The O triggers M cravings. And I can never demand my partner to meet my O desires (not a need) so sex is unpredictable.

And, of course, I can help but anticipate when sex might occur . . . and fail miserably in those anticipations, which then increases the urge to M, both in anticipation and in disappointment.

I’ve never experienced BB.. But prayers for you man, hold on! Most I’ve experienced is pain from extensive edging.

I think it's about the same, but maybe worse sometimes when you are hoping for sex and then don't have it. Or maybe that . . . and edging. I get blue balls from edging. Though some of the worst is from expecting sex and not getting it. Painful AND so swollen. It 'feels like" they're so big you could sit on them like a chair!

and they're better now after some exercise and ibuprofen.

That might be a good way to look at it . . . I used to think I was really addicted to arousal - the more intense and the longer the better. I didn't want to O. It was brief and then all the fun was over :(
This is why I am prone to edging!!
Someone here helped me to see that I was actually addicted to O, the build up was really for a mind numbing massive O.

That helped me to stay in Hard Mode. The addiction is to O. M is to achieve O. And P is needed to M more often - to get more O's.
I am 99% free of P and have had many long streaks without O . . . but I struggle the most with M. I am p, M and o addicted - with an emphasis on the M.

Happy to hear that! Let's stay focused and strong, brother!

I'm glad to have a fellow traveller on this journey and grateful for your support! This is about self improvement AND it's about commitment in a relationship.

My partner has not set boundaries on masturbation (but porn is not okay). I need to do my part to ensure that I am present for her and capable of intimacy when the time comes. And M for me is dangerous territory - it can lead me down dark pathways of fantasy and back to porn use.

@_Rasha_ I believe that intimacy with a partner is far more important than masturbation, but now I am thrice thwarted. I've held off so that we might make love last Saturday, then Valentine's and now this Saturday. It's okay that we didn't but I am REALLY struggling not to M today!

and celebrate the people you love . . .

Well just make sure to not want it as a form of fake freedom from the addiction and just temporary release. Intimacy is more important than that. Hope things go well. I myself decided I don't want to do it until I'm somewhat free of the urges.

Thank you for your response. It helps so much to be heard (and therefor helps to hold me accountable). Good for you to give up M until you are free!
I agree - intimacy is MUCH more important. Masturbation is a want, not a need, and it can REALLY get in the way of intimacy. Just for today, I will try to go another day without it.

You're very welcome. Good luck @+TenPercent , hope you figure it out. I'm there if you ever needed a listening ear

While I have have nearly 3 yrs free from porn, and don't M nearly so much, when the urge hits . . . it's amazing how quickly it overwhelms me sometimes and how quickly I give in.

You're living the true liberty!

You've done well ...

My (reasonable) goal now is sex about 1x per week, MO a bit less often, and no porn. In reality, I'll probably MO more than sex, because that is what I am drawn to.

MO is like a hard narcotic drug addiction to me

Stand and rise again!

You were great my brother, remember that Edging is only making you a Dopamine Addict, and there is nothing good coming from it.

i keep forgetting to get some napoleon bonaparte material in my library...but proud of your progress none the less

All the shit I look at is burned into my memory. So even if I.I not actually browsing, I get haunted with these images I can't shake

You, gentlemen, are my people. Sadly, I relapsed. P,M and O. Dang it! But now I am wondering about some of the wisdom I have heard from others . . . that edging is perhaps even worse than MO. I could edge for hours - not exactly healthy. At least if I MO, it's 100% clear what I did, and did not do. Plus it takes up less time. Even the chasers might not be as bad as slipping into frequent edging.

Edging is one of the worst things you can do. You're teasing your sex drive. And there's only so much teasing it can tolerate

Congrats

Day 0 without edging. Ugh. Can't stop.

Was hoping to make love with my girlfriend . . . that didn't happen. Now my body is screaming for orgasm. Feels like it is ready for release and just wants a little help. Ugh.

Survived major URGE to MO this morning. Really bad blue balls followed.