fapadonna

Hello,
It's funny because I knew something was wrong almost every time I PMO'd. I felt gross & somewhat disgusted for a few minutes afterwards.
In my younger years it was quite tough to come across porn. We used to steal magazines or wait for someone to find a video from their parents/siblings stash. Thats pretty common for someone in my age group.
At the turn of the millennium is where my addiction really began. I was in my early 20's. The prime of my life. I purchased a hacked cable TV receiver so that I could watch free Pay Per View. I did watch plenty of mainstream movies but I also began to PMO a lot at night. Over the years the sources of P have changed but the need was always the same.
Looking back now I am embarrassed & upset that it cost me so much in social experience.
In addition to this I was smoking a lot of pot. Factor in a factory job & its clear why the prime of my life was pretty bad.
About 10 years ago I got in trouble with the law & was able to stop smoking pot like a fiend. I felt great & never looked back for years. I thought my social issues would be over as my pot addiction was to blame. I am not severely awkward or anything, I have various groups of friends. Dating however was non existent. Between working like crazy, being stoned & fapping there wasn't time for much else.
When I quit pot I thought my life was fine. I no longer had the ball and chain holding me back. I was self conscious of losing my hair but that happens to many men & it can't be controlled.
Fast forward to 5 years ago. I am in my early 30's and tried online dating. I went on countless first dates. So much time went into chatting online & sending messages. I eventually got myself into a 4 year relationship. It had its ups & downs like all relationships. I was PMOing often & became unattracted to her. She ended things in May of this year. At the time I was devastated but I am so glad she took the initiative to end it. In the past few months I have become more of a man than I ever have been. I discovered NoFap & I am super grateful for it.

I am at the 49 day mark as I type these words. This is my first attempt & I am going strong. Sure there are hard days but I am so pissed at my addiction & the wasted time that I actually am surprised that I haven't relapsed. I have been going to the gym & feeling great. I am healing. It took me till my late 30's to get here but I know only amazing things will come.
Thank you for reading.

cycling