- Sep 5, 1990 (Age: 28)
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Fapstronaut, Male, 28, from Toronto
A mistake done over and over again, is a choice...think about that. May 24, 2019 at 6:45 PM
- Blackjedireturns was last seen:
- May 24, 2019 at 11:13 PM
- Sep 5, 1990 (Age: 28)
What up guys and thank you for checking out my page.
My names chris 28 years old and currently living in Toronto Canada.
My life on the surface I have everything to build the life I want.
A beautiful girlfriend that I have known for almost 15 years. And now we have a beautiful daughter togather .
I'm a creative soul so me being a designer and having my own clothing brand is no surprise. I'm good looking at really could get any girl I want because of the way I take care of my body and present myself.
I have a good paying Job that not only pays my bills but also helps me invest into my business.
I have no credit card debt like I use to it's gone I paied it all off (proud of this fact)
I'm building my credit and me and my girlfriend, are planning on buying our first home togather...Ok so that's a beautiful picture and one of the many facts that keep me grounded in the life....now heres where things get REALLY dark.
For the past 2 and a half years I have been batteling my porn addiction, I have been addicted for about 3 but seriously seeing the horrible human its turning me into on the INSIDE.
Like a lot of use I first started watching porn from an extremely young age
I would say 9 or 10 I remember my first scan like it was yesterday it was a woman performing oral sex on a man.
I was young and I didn't really know what I was watching but I knew it was great.
Sex has always been around my life I remember when I was young me and a few of my male friends would have sleep over and we would play with each other cuz we were curious and horny.
Theirs been other times where friends and I would jerk off togather during sleep overs. I have seemed to always be exposed to sexual setting and behavior but I was young and curious.
Fast forward to high school I was always watching porn but didn't really think much of it , I had no idea it would take me as far as it has. I would just smoke weed and watch my favorite videos witch were all vanilla stuff Some times I would even have it on in the background up lound wile I was smoking.
But understand I had a healthy high school experience it was fun people knew me I was popular.
I always got girls because again I'm good looking and kept care of my body and dressed well and also met my bestfriend who is now my GF and the mother of my child.
but now let me fast forward to now and let me tell you how my porn addiction has grew to a horrible point.
I'm addicted to shemale and tranny porn now crossdressing , I have even tried on my GF thoungs when shes not home and masturbated a few times. I have also performed anel sex with toys and objects and have even met up with other Shemales, trannys and gay guy to somehow fulfill these what I like to call demonic sexual acts and its completely killed my soul it's not me I NEVER feel satisfied when I have done these things it's all the just so empty and driven by porn.
My sex life with my GF is still great so shes physically not the problem I'm attracted to her and sex with her is fulfilling and full with love and kissing and touching eye contact and an amazing orgasmic finish for the both of us. She has no idea about how deep this addiction has got me I she can never find out so I know I have to stop before it's too late.
Now that you know how deep I have fallen I want to share my battle experience.
Since I have learned about nofap I have practice it. For the past 2 years and unfortunately I have never reached my goal of 90 days. BUT I have learned so much about myself alone the way. I have had ups and downs For everytime I start nofap I gain new insight on myself my sexuality and WHY I turn to this thing and experiences.
And at this point I can proudly say it's not PORN. Porn is just the "drug" I use to xscape my reality when life gets to hard.
Some use food other use hardcore drugs. I use Porn. That's my problem my issues stems from not being about to take on my life head on also some guilt that I thought I let go off but clearly haven't fully forgiven myself for so in a way porn has been a way to condemn myself. Now I have good long weeks and sometimes months with out it but then I get cocky and my brain say "just go watch a little " but we all know that's a bullshit lie just like the devil is.
I believe I'm capable am of achieving amazing things in my life with my family but I must get rid of the behavior and remember who I am again.
The longer I stay away from watching porn the more I see that the things I have done are not who I am at all. It's not a part of who I need be for myself, my family and my daughter, and friends.
A few of my friends and my brother know of my battle with porn but NOT to the extent that I have shared here. I'm not telling anyone but maybe a tharipist about the things I have done to fulfill my corrupted mind . At one point I almost excepted this side of me explaining to myself that "this is who I am" but again the devil is a lie. But at this point my addiction is at a critical point its causing me low self esteem and my focus is lost away from family and business and I DONT WANT TO LOSE them over this addiction. I just simply have too much to live for.
So I'm back to become the jedi I know I can be ( I'm a big star wars fan) for myself.
Thanks for reading guys your welcome to hit me up and let's share our stories togather and grow from th
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