- October 1
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- BismaBRJ was last seen:
- Apr 4, 2019
I'm a male teen who found out about and started being committed into NoFap sometime around December 2016, recovering from what I consider a strange variant of this PMO compulsion. Back then, I was out of hand, and my record was 4 relapses a day. I used porn and fantasy and substitutes in between, such as advertisements and those kind of K-Pop videos, etc. If there's something that makes me worse or at least weirder than other addicts my age, it's that I used to secretly fap in school during class, and don't put my hands in my pants, rather "squeeze" my thighs (hope I didn't trigger you; if what I've just said doesn't make sense you better skip it before it turns into a fetish).
- October 1
I keep track of my relapses using a rather complicated spreadsheet (not updated very often) where I categorize between types and reasons for relapses, using abbreviates explained in the Notes section. Note that this format might be rather personalized and the abbreviations are not explained well, but I have also started ("sparingly") "journaling", something like once a month, more or less, just talking about what's been going on, also in the Notes section.
Some having seen the spreadsheet may wonder how I could be so organized while having this addiction. This is partly because the addiction is starting to wear off now, as I don't think about NoFap as often as I used to anymore, but even before it started to wear off, this relates to my reason for quitting: in the outside, I may appear to be a "diligent" student (because I like the idea of truly understanding subjects by asking and understanding the whys, instead of rote memorization, and I've even assisted the teacher in several situations), but in reality, I procrastinated a lot (partly due to this compulsion, it takes over my self-control, which eventually sucks up time) and got sleepy lots of nights (because of energy wasted by ejaculation; so it's not just porn I'm getting rid of, but also masturbation). If you wonder how bad this was, I've had several NYs (the worst grade one can get in the school I was in, which stands for "Not Yet", as in "this student has Not Yet achieved as much as expected"), several girls have bugged me for being dirty minded (their reports got me expelled - you read that right - expelled, with a lot of (former) friends having blocked me now; it's as if my past efforts in helping them when they ask for help mean nothing to them, but then again I probably haven't helped enough), and I was that one "anchor" in several group projects, where eventually the group progresses without me.
This was going on for years, and at some points I "forget" about NoFap and just fap whenever I want (my "record" was 5 times a day, as can be seen in the spreadsheet), as if I've quit NoFap, and then only remember and rethink about it days or even weeks after.
Now, however, things have quite changed. It's not that I don't fap at all anymore, but I'm not that bugged about NoFap anymore... I rarely go on this site at this point, and it's been months since the last time I browsed the web for NoFap articles and videos. When I do relapse, I just note it and go back to whatever I was doing without thinking too much about it, unlike the past few years. I don't even count my days, not in the sense that I force myself not to count my days or perhaps count my days unconsciously, but it's just not what I do anymore for some reason. For this, I'd like to thank each and every one of you who has helped me in this journey, even if I rarely leave a comment or reply and only read or watch.
Recently, though, I've been relapsing quite often (once a day, kind of), but that's starting to decline. With the start of 2019, I hope I'll be able to really change! It'll take some getting used to, though, but we'll see!
For those looking to contact me outside NoFap (whether it's for a certain purpose or just to say hi and chitchat), you could do so by sending a Direct Message to my Instagram account, but I also have a Twitter account and a YouTube channel in case you're interested. (The "rocket analogy journal entries" I've posted more than a year ago? Yeah, that's sugarcoated NoFap, so that people don't freak out about my dark secret. It then became an open secret, but I'm sure it faded with time.)
Again, I'm really focused on my stuff at this point, and I don't really think about NoFap anymore. I'm optimistic for the future. See you then, and good luck on your journey!
(Last updated 31 December 2018, 23:52, UTC+7)