AngryMillennial

Hey all,

Very pleased to meet you. Hoping to get to know a few like-minded individuals here, so that we might be able to help each other mutually achieve our goals.

So I'm a 21 year old male in the United Kingdom. I consider my life to be a relative success so far in many areas, but a failure in others. Part of this stems from my own perfectionism and anxiety. This has pushed me on to be, from the outside, very successful in academic pursuits, but I struggle with ever being satisfied with what if I have achieved (my self-esteem isn't always quite so low as that would suggest).

I attend a top university, have received near perfect grades and have good, rewarding grad job lined up for after uni. I have a number of hobbies and a lot of friends, whom I really enjoy spending time with, as well as being close to my family. I am overcoming issues with anxiety which will hopefully allow me to soon pass my driving test. Yet I often feel melancholy or at best mediocre, and part of this comes from my ongoing struggle with pornography.

I have actually only been watching since I was 17/18 so I still feel there is hope. I watch every 2-3 days on average, and feel terrible after orgasming. I usually watch similar unique fetish porn, I won't provide the details. The other side of the coin is that I haven't had a girlfriend since I was 16, and haven't ever had sex. This doesn't bother me to a massive extent as I believe it's right to wait until you're ready. Yet I don't have issues at least with confidence in TALKING to girls, and feel I could make progress, although i don't seem to have the confidence to ask one out. There's also a part of me that (related to my perfectionism and self-esteem) thinks what's the point - I know I wouldn't make a good boyfriend because I'm too obsessed with my own goals and very independent-minded. I wouldn't say that I'm unempathetic, but because of my narcissism I feel that if I tried to be a caring loving individual for one person etc I would end up unhappy at failing to achieve my own overly high objectives in life.

Over the last 3 or 4 years, I have done 7 day NOFAP streaks about 3 or 4 times and 3 times I've done 12 days. Reasons have been varied, extreme business with work/exams etc, holidays where it's not been, ah, convenient, and sometimes due to general determination (perhaps a lack of libido!). I've felt great each time, more confident with girls and more set and determined to achieve my own life goals. But I've always felt terrible when I've relapsed.

This mornign I was reading an article about the benefits of nofap and I thought, do you know what, maybe this time I'll really stick to it (3 days w/o). Then what do you know - after lunch and I'm j/ off to the same old porn. It makes me sick.

If I could just have the chance to share my story with others, and provide/receive mutual encouragement, I honestly feel I'd have a chance of beating this. I have read many articles on this and I know full well the negative effects of porn on the brain, the dopamine release. I'm already worried I'm going to have ED etc when/if I ever get intimate with a girl because I'm only used to masturbating in front of PC every few days.

I would love to hear any advice or if anybody has anything they feel I can help with, please let me know.
*** AngryMillennial