Post published by thatsingleindividual#K-13

I was baptized on March 31, 2018. I had made it through RCIA and I was proud of my accomplishment. I remember on that day, and the days before, and the days following, I thought to myself: "If there's one thing I do not want to be, it is one of those types (of Catholics) that nonchalantly admit and shrug their shoulders: 'yeah, I'm kinduva bad Catholic.'" Some people would call this lapsed. I, on the other hand, do not consider myself lapsed. I would consider myself lost, in the sense that I have fallen away and aimlessly wondering. I'm in Austria now and so I do not go to the church like I do at home, and so there is a degree of separation (I can only understand so much German, for crying out loud!). I pray every night but my prayers are mechanical, rather repetitive (Oh Lord, I ask for your help...). I do not read the bible nor catechism often like I should (and right now I do not have them with me, as I sent them back home since I'm leaving Austria next week). But even at home, I do not read them like I should. The thing is, is that I am not really motivated as of now. What happened to my inner Catholic? I'm baptized and I'm also a member of the Knights of Columbus.
I'm 21 (going on 22) and I know I'm in a stuck position that a lot of young men have. I'm alone, I've got some struggles (such as for the reason for being on here), and I'm waiting. I disappoint myself. Despite my pride in being Catholic, it was not so easy. I am a lonely person and worse yet, my conversion was rather lonely. I was going to a place where most people I do not know and being the only Catholic in my family, I feel so isolated.