HOCD or Denial? Advice Please

I see this question a lot here. So, let's start with few basics, that are easily and, here, often overlooked.

Porn is not sex, sex is not porn. This is not a sex addiction forum. This forum, actually, has little to nothing to do with actual sex. HOCD has little to nothing to do with actual sex, sexual preference, or sexual practice. HOCD is about using porn, of a certain type, to achieve a dopamine high. This event, using P to achieve a dopamine high, is, actually, 100% a brain event. It has nothing, actually, to do with sex. Most people with HOCD did not start with H, but started with vanilla porn, and got to H only after years of desensitizing their brain's reward system to other types of P. What we know about abusing our brain's dopamine reward system is that, over years, we desensitize to whatever stimulation we started with, and we have to move to stimulation that is different, and, usually, contains some shock value, including, often, aggression. This is generally speaking, and is no comment, at all, on actual sexual orientation.

For most of us, by the time we recognize the addiction, meaning we accept addiction is possible, and that we are addicted, we are watching porn that is way outside our initial, natural, conception of who we are sexually. Translation: Most of us start watching porn that we see ourselves, sexually, into, but that becomes boring to us over time (meaning we have desensitized to it, and it no longer provides us the hyper dopamine rush we like), and we have migrated into some other type of porn, which regardless of what "type" it is, is inevitably more hardcore than what we started with. This is part of the addiction cycle, and it happens to all of us. We do not recognize this as happening at the time, but this is part of becoming addicted.

So, I do not know your orientation, at all, and do not judge it, at all. I will say, and forgive me if this sounds harsh, because it is harsh, but you will not understand your sexual orientation by struggling with porn addiction, because porn addiction is about using porn to abuse your brain to achieve a dopamine rush, and it has very little to do with your sexual acts, orientation, preferences, etc. What we know is that for many who are HOCD, they did not start there, but they ended up there due to desensitization to other forms of P, that used to work for them, but no longer does, meaning no longer leads to an easy dopamine rush. If they continue to use porn, then that type of porn, (whatever type, regardless of what type), it will eventually become boring to them (meaning they will desensitize to it). At that point, to continue riding a dopamine high, they will have to migrate to some other category, which will be even, to them, more hardcore. You might end up watching porn where guys fuck live light sockets, at which point you can seek treatment for FLLSOCD. Of course, this is a bit of a joke, but you get the idea. The means in which you have taught yourself to abuse your dopamine reward system is, and only is, that--how you have tricked your brain into giving you a dopamine high--or, for those inclined to be ironic and cynical, the other way around.

The advice I am going to give you is the same advice I give everyone. GET CLEAN FIRST. Kick the porn addiction first, now. Don't try to figure out your sexuality while you are pushing the porn button to get a dopamine fix. I don't know who you are, sexually, but it is obvious your situation is confusing you. I understand that, but do not confuse your porn button with you are, or might be, in reality. Do the hard 90. Get clean, get back to balanced, and, then, clean, ask the question again. You will find, I think, it is much more easily answered when your brain is not in the fog of porn abuse.

I mean this response to help, and I hope it does.

Peace.

W.

 

We like the porn we like to watch for one reason, and only one reason: It triggers a dopamine rush. The only reason, and the only reason, we watch porn is: It triggers a dopamine rush. Do not confuse pushing your porn button to get a dopamine rush with reality. I don't know your reality, but I do know it is not pushing a porn button to get a dopamine rush. In order to have a chance at discovering your reality, you have to quit pushing the porn button to get a dopamine rush. This is, actually, simple brain science, so, once you understand and accept it, it should make things a bit easier. Quitting porn addiction, of course, is not easy, and will be hellishly difficult. Sorry if you did not already know that. But it helps, along the way, to understand what you are quitting, and why. Porn addiction has nothing to do with sex, orientation, love, relationships, etc. It is about one thing: using artificial sexual stimulation to trigger a brain even (release of dopamine and resulting dopamine rush). Porn addiction is the opposite of reality. Time for you get real. I have absolute confidence you will succeed.

W.

 

Well, the hallmark of HODC here, in this forum, is watching H compulsively. So, you do not do that. Also, if you are having hetro threesomes in reality, you probably do not have HOCD, and are probably not addicted to P. People can still have sex and be addicted to P, but, the end game for most addicts, is the inability to have sex, as in actual sex, because they have developed Porn Induced Erectile Dysfunction, which you clearly have not. That is a good thing.

 

Hi Tri. Let me be clear on what I am saying. Don't overanalyze it. Do hard mode, 90 days. Make it your priority, make getting clean, staying completely away from porn for 90 days. After that, ask the questions again, when you are clean, because asking the questions while actively using, usually does not work.

 

hmmn.

 

Youre forcing yourself to like girls , and avoding youreself to much to like men ok try not to force nothing when you say no to somthing usally the temptations is stronger not because you want it but insted because you are saying no , if you can have anything that you want nothing seems so fun at all is the feeling of not been able to have what you want that makes you feel like wanting it luck and at the end you decided it happend to me but at the end i realize im not gay i love my wife very much and i canot feel anything looking at a men , but youre no diffrent than no one if youre gay you are welcome as well anywhere bud

 

Dude you can't keep doing compulsions in order to check your orientation! This is going to back fire. The people who are uneducated are going to tell you, you might be in denial and that you might be gay - don't listen to them. There is no such thing as being in denial, gay people know they're gay, same way hetero or bi people know their orientation, when something triggers confusion or fear or anxiety or any order negative feeling in your head it's usually a result of something else, in this case - porn addiction or the overusage of it. I also have HOCD and not doing compulsions or over analyzing your situation helps. Relax for a second, you're not confused about being straight and you can't turn gay overnight (or ever in your lifetime) so stop looking things up, stop checking for arousal, stop watching porn and empty your brain of artificial stimuli. Don't pay attention to what any person who might be misinformed tells you, it takes a long time to understand HOCD, I've done hours and hours of research on this and I can tell you the cure is to stop caring so much because deep down you know you're normal and nothing else matters. So as William said, go for 90 days hard mode and you'll feel great, the brain fog will go away. Good luck.

 

good advice and i would add DO NOT FANTASIZE.. that can create a dopamine rush too.. really try to reset...

 

I don't believe in dopamine, it's not in the bible.

 

Econ 101: marginal utility: a little restraint might be a good a thing - building anticipation, desire rather than just having sex whenever you feel like it. It's not just with sex: alcohol, your favorite TV show, chocolate chip cookies - all are enjoyed in moderation.

Did any drink taste as good as cool water when you were thirsty on a hot day?

 

Sorry Triumphant11, this poster chose to use your thread to take a (silly) jab at me because of an argument we were having. It has no place on your thread, and if the poster had in dignity he'd apologize or delete it.

 

Who diagnosed you with HOCD?