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Looks I need some help from you guys

Discussion in 'Porn Addiction' started by cud, Apr 25, 2016.

  1. cud

    cud Fapstronaut

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    Hey guys,

    how is it going? Hopefully better than I do.

    I decided after long time add my two cents here.

    Many of you know my story. It has been year since my ex broke up with me - actually she never did say anything and thats how i live by. She never said sorry for anything she did and I live with this burden. I tried to turn my live upside down. I started work out, take up serious running, a gave up movies, tv shows - to be honest I have fear to do everything i did with her because everything just remind me of her. Yes, even after a year even after she lied to me and was cheating on me.

    Not long ago I realized what I am scared the most. I have to become the guy she felt in love - it was a builder on their faculty recontruction. And I dont want to be like him. You know what I mean? I want to be honest guy (I always was), with no such intetions like pick up a taken girl. I want to be strong guy, friendly, the right guy or better say I want to real man.

    I stopped with drinking at all like 3 weeks ago. I ran two marathons in a half year. Last time almost without training because I had a knee problems starting from January and marathon was two weeks ago.

    All I want to say that I am very tired of everything. I tried to be friendly as hell, helping others, no drinkig (friends around me think I am crazy), I gave up facebook and all social media. I started with cold approach - i am not good at it. I do everything I can and i am exhausted.

    Week ago I started edging, or I say peeking. Just have a look on some beauties - and look to porn for few minutes a day. Than I go back to my day and feel horrible. Pretty long time since I have a girl. My brain or what is it is sad cause I am alone. And I know more desperate I am, the less I find a girl. But I cannot help. I study all those videos on youtube - something in me is telling me to stop, to stop trying to figure this out, to stop having intelectual approach to this problem.

    Tell me, how doas it work? Is it the same as it was years ago? I feel almost like I forgot everything how to meet a girl. Last time I met girls I saw her and it just clicked... i dont see any of those girls on the streets these days, is it because of my brain fog...? I feel so fucking bad about this...I wish my head was off for some time :(

    I took up joga and bioenergetics excersicing everymorning. I wake up every day at 6am.

    I dont see anything from what I have done is bringing fruits. I am so tired of everything. I feel like I am lost and have nowhere to go...

    Has anyone of you experienced the same or similar thing...

    I would be glad for every word...
     
    Last edited: Apr 25, 2016
    Dizzy Lotus likes this.
  2. grman

    grman Guest

    You must continue my friend ? Go away from porn! Your brain makes all to take you back to the shit! All is chemistry for your brain! It need dopamine and makes you go to porn to take it! Stop it my friend you don't need it! Some days stay strong and you will be better! Continue...
     
    im_alive and cud like this.
  3. Examined Life

    Examined Life Fapstronaut

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    If I was you I would stop watching porn first thing. How much time where you clean before you started watching porn again?

    Ps: i deleted original post because it was too self entitled haha. For a moment i felt like I knew it all
     
    Last edited: Apr 25, 2016
    cud likes this.
  4. cud

    cud Fapstronaut

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    I like your opinion.

    Thanks for that! I need to stop searching.. i know, but it is so hard!!!

    Cheers
     
  5. Rav70

    Rav70 Fapstronaut

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    Usually you meet the right someone when you least expect it. At least I do.
    Stay clean so when you do meet them your not a mess. :)
     
    Deleted Account likes this.
  6. cud

    cud Fapstronaut

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    Is that true? When I least expect them?
     
  7. hej då

    hej då Fapstronaut

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    It couldn't be more true. From my experience, whenever I stop thinking about how lonely I am and just learn to enjoy the life as it is, someone comes into my life.

    EDIT: I think the better way to put it is "When you don't give a shit anymore"
     
    Last edited: Apr 25, 2016
    Dizzy Lotus and Rav70 like this.
  8. Septimus

    Septimus Fapstronaut

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    My friend, there is a saying: "virtue is its own reward." Think about it.
     
  9. true you're overthinking in my opinion. Live your life, the gf will nto make you feel great. You must feel it from within. And forget your ex, she forgot you. There are plenty of girls out there :)
     
  10. cud

    cud Fapstronaut

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    I understand but how do you mean it in the context of my thread?
     
  11. Septimus

    Septimus Fapstronaut

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    In reading your post, it seemed to me you were doing all these things -- giving up drinking, exercise, marathons, avoiding porn and masturbation -- with the hope of getting a new girlfriend, and it wasn't seeming to work. The point of my response was to suggest that if you do these things, do them for their own sake: exercise because it gets you fit and healthy and feels good, marathons because you want that experience; avoiding porn and masturbation because they increase your self-mastery, and so forth.

    All these things can make you a better man. That doesn't equal getting a girl, even if it should. Does that make sense? Maybe I misunderstood the drift of your post; if so, I apologize.
     
    Dizzy Lotus and Deleted Account like this.
  12. cud

    cud Fapstronaut

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    No apologizes! You understand it very precisely. I realized that all I have been doing during last year is to get a girl of my dream so I am trying to be what I have always wanted to be - and to be honest was to lazy to do stuff. But it probably works just physically not psychically - there is way more to go - probably. I know that, and I kind of knew that all the time but wasnt able to admit it.

    Sometimes I ask myself, whether I really need to do it. I see guys around me - lazy as fuck, complaining all the time, 5days working and then 2days of drinking booz - thats their life and having girlfriends by their side. Do I do something wrong? When I see it I feel bad and I feel like I should go back to my previous personality - year ago I was exactly like that. Even some of my "friends" are making fun of me: "oh yeah, she broke up with you so you become crazy, marathons in your 30´s ? Are you crazy?" or " you dont drink beer today? Dont be silly, you ruining the party" or "you dont watch Tv show this and that? you dont watch anything? you read????".....And you know there is a girlfriend by their side laughing all their talks to me. Those times I struglle a lot cause i dont see any point of doing that. Then in hardest seconds i hear my inner voice saying... "fight, fight, fight"... so I stand up and I go.

    Will this pay off?
     
  13. the_navigator

    the_navigator Fapstronaut

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    I can completely understand the feeling of "tiredness". From what I have read and heard other people talk about you are feeling the effects of both the psychological addiction as well as the physical of the brain chemistry. Change the conversation of what can I do instead of....

    I would also stay away from comparing yourself to your friends as addicts we all know how good we are at hiding actions, feelings, etc. We can look like the life of the party, the guy that has it all when we are just empty shells of broken pieces inside.

    The fact that you are on this site and reaching out for help tells me and everyone here that you want it, you are ready for it. That being said what I have learned is that you can't do it alone. The opposite of addiction is relationship. Relationship is not defined as one with a GF, BF, etc. Its creating deep meaningful relationships with friends, confidants, etc. Check out an SAA meeting. Finding a group of people that are doing the same thing you are and a community of support and understanding.
     
  14. cud

    cud Fapstronaut

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    Took me a while to get what you have written.

    Do you think that even after almost 200days brain is craving for its dose?

    I wouldnt say I dont have friends - i have many of them. Still i am getting new ones as I have become more friendly I would say. I didnt have problems with getting new friends all my life. True is i dont have any close friend to whome i can tell my struglle. It always was my gf but as she is gone and there is none almost a year i talk only to myself, you what i mean.

    I ll try to find some accountability partner as you say...

    thx
     
  15. the_navigator

    the_navigator Fapstronaut

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    I think that right now it might be something that you are not physically connected with, someone that can't or won't take the relationship to the next level. What I was talking about is Dopamine fatigue, even if you are edging on the weekends or anything close without actually finishing you are still feeding your body that drug. Then you have these huge Dopamine explosions in the brain that then must be processed. The VERY EXTREME example is ecstasy. This drug causes mass explosion in Dopamine that depletes the body during which the user suffers brain fog, fatigue, mood swings, everything because their bran chemistry is significantly impaired. While fapping and porn don't have close to the rush it is the same principal only on a much smaller scale. This is often why it's referred to "the new drug" and it is that. We create connection in our brain that rely on un-healthy sexual stimulus to feel good.

    I would also propose that once you get into a really good headspace, when you do get into a relationship it will be even better because she won't be dating an addict.
     
  16. cud

    cud Fapstronaut

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    So what you talk about you think is normal. My brain is trying to get the dopamine for whatever it costs..? And thats why it makes me feel like shit...

    I understand it - it is not easy for me to quit everything I was addicted to - porn, alcohol, sometimes weed, sugar and comfort. I quit that all at once (well, almost, at least i seems to me like that) and thats why i feel like that...

    And yes, you are right I dont want my future girl would date and addict - guy who is hiding his truths behind her... i dont want to be that guy anymore...

    I though as I will be in my 200days I will understand it.. but as i see it... the fight continues...
     
    the_navigator likes this.
  17. the_navigator

    the_navigator Fapstronaut

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    I have met guys that have been in program years and years. They still struggle with their sobriety. The only difference is they have a suite of tried and tested tools to get them through. I really think if there is an SAA meeting near you, check it out. Relationship is important. To answer your question ABSOLUTELY it will get better, probably one day you will realize "i don't feel like shit". Just sounds like you are going through a withdraw checkpoint. Just keep going, you are quitting a lot of stuff at once and how many years did it take to become a quality addict? :)
     
  18. cud

    cud Fapstronaut

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    It took me awhile.. I was living like that for 10years maybe?

    Allright, lets be patient and lets see where I will be in few months or a year :)
     
  19. Veritech

    Veritech Fapstronaut

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    @cud

    Look at it this way. You are in between relationships. Yes, there will be another.

    While in between relationships you are:

    1) Getting in shape.
    2) Stopping the drinking.
    3) Stopping the PMO.

    You are becoming a healthy person, which is not only beneficial to you, but to your next girlfriend when she comes.

    To meet this person, you have to apply yourself and get out there and meet women. Try a dating service, take a dance class, join a singles group.

    This next woman will appreciate you (the healthy you) more than your ex did.
     
  20. cud

    cud Fapstronaut

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    I really appreciate your words my brother.

    Yes, you are right, thats what I have been doing, making my better self. I have been thinking who is the one who should decide what is good for me... and I like to be this kind of guy. I always wanted to inspire people around me, well and thats what I have been doing lately. Although I have these hard times when I feel very tired...

    To be absolutely honest a few weeks ago friend of mine told me that my ex already has someone beside her. It hurt and I thought how pathetic I am... she is already with someone meanwhile I have been crawling through life...my friends told me that I should look what I have done during the last year and that gf doesnt define what or who I am. I understand it although it feels strange sometimes.. you know what i mean. I dont moan i just want to be honest to you so you can better imagine what is going on :)
     

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